DH cannot get DS out the house!

[Mylittlesandwich]

I am aware this is not my problem but it's really starting to annoy me more than it should.

The way we work childcare is that DH doesn't work Monday and Tuesday so he looks after DS while I work. I don't work 3 days while I look after DS and he goes to nursery 2 days a week while we both work.

DS has 2 wee clubs he goes to, one on one of my days and one on one of DHs days. This is now the 3rd week that DH has been unable to get out the door in time for this class to the point where I'm now going to cancel the class because it's just a waste of money and a space another child could use.

This class is in the afternoon and close to home, I have issues with timekeeping etc too but it's really bugging me that he can't do this one thing! DS enjoys the class but is a standard toddler and getting out the house isn't always easy.

God some of the posters on here are actually rabid. It's a toddler class. Cancel it and forget about it, it's really not important.

@Untitledsquatboulder agreed the class isn’t important but having a dh who has the capability to actually leave the house alone surely is ?? and if he doesn’t want to do the class surely just say so, don’t just stop going but keep paying for it 😮😮

If he can get himself to work of a morning he can get to an afternoon class ffs

So many women on here end up sounding like their partners' mothers.

Maybe I’m way off, but I am assuming most women responding are married to functioning, adult men who do not need ‘mothering’ in the slightest, and so are responding on that basis.

Honestly, the men I read about on here are so far removed from the men in my real life, it’s untrue.

Clearly this OP’s DH needs to pretty basic help to adult.

Most men, on the other hand, do not - and so no ‘mothering’ is required. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I ever ask for practical advice about my DH I think I'll post it with the genders changed.

In this case DH's husband does even more around the house than she does. He also sounds like a hands on parent taking 2 full days off work a week to share childcare (yes I know we shouldn't give men kudos for the basics but how I know very few men willing to do that).

If it's not a timing issue, I think it could be a motivation problem... I found myself faffing around about bringing toddler to a class with lots of cliquey mums. I can't remember what happened but I think we just kind of lapsed out of it. Toddler was still thriving with lots of different activities... Your toddler has got it made with 5 full weekdays of dedicated attention from each parent tbh!

It doesn’t really matter. I don’t really understand why you are the one worrying about this and planning to cancel it. Just let your DH deal with his days at home. I found toddler classes nice in theory but not so great in reality, so I would skip them quite often.

Maybe he feels uncomfortable at the class (is it mainly mums there?).

How is OP being "played"? It makes no difference to her whether DC goes to the class or not! It's not like she's being asked to pick up the slack.

DH probably considers getting to work on time to be more important than getting to a toddler group. Note - not going to school. Not the inability to get his child to anything on time ever for the rest of his life. The hyperbole on this thread is ridiculous.

I took my oldest child out of nursery when I had my second. Yes, partly to save money, but mostly because, although I was perfectly capable of getting him there, I decided I would rather have a relaxing day than dealing with the stress of getting a toddler ready to a schedule. If my DH had told me I was incompetent, useless and made no effort and some of the other words thrown about on this thread, we would have had a LTB scenario.

This!
Can you imagine if the tables were turned? Wow. I get that we need to vent somewhere but some of the comments are quite vile. Mortifying 😱

I believe what I said was that "if DH was generally a useless lump" implying that he is in fact not a useless lump. He does what's needed as do I. With the exception of one toddler class.

We had a grown up conversation last night where I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt and we decided what to do going forward. It was all very normal and drama free. I just came on here for a wee whinge during the day before we had a chance to discuss.

I was more shocked by some of the comments on the thread rather than your posts. That's the point, people post to get a general idea as to whether they are barking up the wrong tree or not. Not an annihilation of their partner! I'm glad you've had a conversation and not getting a divorce over it 😂

Fair enough and good point. I was just trying to say it’s not something to get too worked up about. As I said, I used to do all those things too, for my own sanity. Park or garden - either is fine? OP seemed concerned about the waste of the money as well. Lots of free things to do.

So true.

DH and I shared the parenting equally when ours were little, as we worked opposite shifts.

If he’d have told me what I “should” be doing when I had them, or berated me for being late to something I’d have given him short shrift.

DH needs to get himself more organised.

Selfish and disorganised. Tell him to set an alarm on his phone for 30 mins before he needs to leave and just do it. He needs to treat it as a job that he can tick off the list.

You don’t say if your son isn’t going to the club after your conversation with dh. To help maybe you could write down a time plan listing things to be done before going out.
Eg sort out play clothes at x, sort out shoes and coat at x , find door key, pee time x , put on outdoor clothes, close door 20 mins before class.
You can send reminders.

My dh drives, I don't so when I have a class with my toddler at 9.30am I have to leave at 9am otherwise I will be late. Sometimes things crop up, she'll be sick or whatever and then we miss the class. I have her baby bag ready and by the door so we can go. What I'm basically getting at is that he needs to be more organised if he is walking because it takes that bit longer.

He might well be better off going to a stay and play session. We have some near us that are 2 hour sessions but you just drop in as and when you want to for however long you'd like to stay. An alternative would be to head to a softplay so your toddler can practise pulling up, climbing etc.

Since you've paid for the class plus your Son enjoys those 2 days, it would be worth taking him, why should he miss out on fun, if he's not happy with the class he's in anymore by all means nessersary don't take anymore, if it were me I'd grin & bear it so the saying goes & go myself just for my/our Son it's important he gets that time for himself to be with other children, but it's up to you! 🙂

I think he should be getting the child out
Of the house. Just because it's winter, they ought to be out doing stuff

What does he do with him all day?

He is a toddler so bundle him
Into a buggy and go.

Useless twonk

People on here really are earning the big bucks if you can pay for classes and just skip them when you want a relaxing morning

my dd got her music class she goes to each week as a Christmas present from Nan because I couldn’t afford it if not

some if these classes are like £10 for an hour ! That’s probably what I spend on ingredients for food for three tea times lol

You pay the same amount either way 🤨

@PennyRa yes but it’s literally like burning a ten pound note
Such a waste of spending it to get nothing in return
at least complete the term and don’t go back

Maybe he actually doesn't want to take DS to the group. It's not really necessary for him to go as he gets a group or two with you. Cancel it and let him decide how to spend the day.

I remember bathing my son in the kitchen sink when he was 7 months old it was the perfect size for him to sit up in.
why are the vast majority of men just shit at stuff like this it does annoy me how useless they can be whilst women just get on with things and manage to get kids organised and places on time. without a women prompting them with instructions and to shape themselves they're completely fkin useless my own dp included in this.

I always would just assume the class started half an hour earlier and schedule getting ready to go out for that time, this allows for any mishaps, tantrums of child. But could be that your DH just doesn’t want to go out in the cold which is a bit naff really.