Suggesting ears pinned back for teenager that hasn’t actually asked for surgery?

[Tmoto]

14 yo ds. I know other kids comment as he has said they do. And my other dc have told me they have heard the comments. He seem relatively unbothered by it and shakes it off I think. But I still wonder if I should suggest surgery is an option. I believe it is relatively easy surgery and doing searches on mumsnet previous searches seem to always encourage it and say definitively do it it so worth it etc. if he was to ask me I would support his decision. But I am tending to not say anything unless he suggests it. Do you think this is the right approach? He is the sort of kid who doesn’t ask for things and I don’t want him suffering in silence.

I wouldn't bring it up. It's a tricky age and I think actually having it done now might lead to more piss taking. If he is happy then leave him be it's far better to be a person who is happy in their own skin rather than feeling you need to change to please others.

Explain how it is different????

If it doesn’t bother him why would you want to suggest to him it’s a problem that can be fixed? If it does begin to bother him, by all means mention it then.

It's a simple, straightforward OP and doesn't interfere with future breastfeeding or feeling? Done on the NHS?

Triggered people on here OP but ignore them. I'd tell the older siblings to let you know if he's bullied again and if so then mention that you love him the way he is but it is available if he wants it.

Well I expect it will bother him a bit. Someone said something yesterday I heard him discussing with his brother and he had to come up with a good comeback.

It’s a younger sibling that he has

Though thinking about the kid who said something yesterday was a younger kid. I think within his peers maybe it is better

Ah. Honestly I'd mention it ‐ tell him how much you love him as he is though

@Greatly I'm not trying to be goading honestly. I really just can't get my head round your way of thinking.

Liposuction doesn't interfere with breast feeding, so that would be ok to suggest it teenage daughter?

Getting your ears pinned back is not available on the NHS.

It's a huge operation on par with breast surgery. If not worse. You can "hide" breast surgery, but there is not way you can hide Otoplasty!!

I'm in my 50's and my friends from primary still remember my bandage on my head that I had to wear for ages.

I'm sure OP would love it if her DH casually dropped into conversation that she could get liposuction if she wanted it!

I’d say something.

He isn’t too young to make the choice at all, it is his body and if he shows an interest in having it done then he should be supported to look into it further.

i had it done when I was 10, when they knew I was unhappy with my ears my parents mentioned it as a possibility we looked into it together and I had it done a few months later on the nhs. As I said earlier I have never regretted it but I am pleased it was left to be my decision

Haven’t read the whole thread but I’d offer him the option. I didn’t have this issue but I had a small facial disfigurement (it wasn’t that noticeable) that made me feel self conscious my whole life. My parents never mentioned it. I finally got it fixed when I was 40 and it was so easy and it’s made such a difference I can’t understand why I didn’t do it earlier. It didn’t involve GA though.
I just didn’t even know there was an option to fix it but I was just more confident to ask about it when I got much older.

Unfortunately my DS has inherited it from me and I’ll be taking him along to sort it out when he’s older as it’s such an easy thing to fix.

I would just say oh well I love your ears, but you can always have them pinned back if you want.

Then he knows the option is there.

My H had massive sticky out ears when young and he doesn't now. I've asked him if he had his ears done and he says no. Sometimes they just change as a male skull changes at puberty ?

It's not that much is it? I am not in the UK, I'm in Ireland but I had a few moles removed for 600e so glad I had it done. think about how easily you'd spend that on clothes. Just tell yourself you're not buying clothes for a year. To be honest I'd spend more easily. And I'm not always shopping for clothes. Far from it.

You have to rub vaseline in the spot where the mole was to increase blood flow and reduce scarring. Don't get the moles shaved get them excised. A really high percentage of moles 'shaved' just grow back.

You said he’s relatively unbothered by his ears. So why mention? I am relatively unbothered by my big nose but if it had been suggested to me by my mum that I could always get a nose job, that would’ve signalled to me that I should be bothered about my nose and should consider getting it fixed. And I don’t think that message should come from a parent, we are supposed to be encouraging self acceptance not pointing out how flaws (that arent causing distress) can be fixed.

It's nothing like someone suggesting a child needs a boob job
This - pinning creates the fold that should be there but isn't, it doesn't give you designer ears

I suppose with a boob job also they don’t tend to last forever and need redone.

I mean, dds braces were painful and unsightly for years and no-one said I was being awful by trying to sort her crooked teeth out

I would ask if the bullying is continuing and offer it. Why not? He has a choice then

If one of my DC had ears that stuck out I'd have had them fixed years ago

I'd definitely get them fixed now in case it affects relationships and confidence in the future

His confidence will already be dented from comments about it

But crooked teeth can cause cavities, bad breath etc. There’s no physical health problems related with ears sticking out a little bit, and it doesn’t sound he’s mentally effected by it, but but mum wading in and saying “your ears stick out let’s get them surgically altered so you look better” then it might.

You know how bullies mind's work OP so you say? Well then consider the feelings of your child who currently is allowing a part of himself that you are judging and want to change. Do not say a single word to him unless he raises it. My mum would randomly bring up flaws on my body and talk about them being weird. She did it at bedtime generally and when I felt really vulnerable. I think she thought she was being helpful. She actually was helping me to be highly critical of my body and to this day when I look in the mirror I struggle to see a single thing I like. Don't be that parent. Please.

Gosh. Seem to get a fair few replies saying I am terrible
for not doing it earlier and also some saying no way no don’t even mention it. I guess there isn’t a straightforward answer

Thanks for all your replies. I think I have a good few to mull
over and will give it some thought