Suggesting ears pinned back for teenager that hasn’t actually asked for surgery?

[Tmoto]

14 yo ds. I know other kids comment as he has said they do. And my other dc have told me they have heard the comments. He seem relatively unbothered by it and shakes it off I think. But I still wonder if I should suggest surgery is an option. I believe it is relatively easy surgery and doing searches on mumsnet previous searches seem to always encourage it and say definitively do it it so worth it etc. if he was to ask me I would support his decision. But I am tending to not say anything unless he suggests it. Do you think this is the right approach? He is the sort of kid who doesn’t ask for things and I don’t want him suffering in silence.

Maybe let him know it's an option and leave it at that. When my brother started work he was teased about his ears. He quit because of the teasing (abandoning a particular career path) and subsequently had his ears 'pinned back' (under local anesthetic). I'm currently looking at spending thousands on getting my teeth fixed because the misalignment affects my speech - the eyewatering expense and inconvenience could all have been avoided if I'd had braces as a child.

I would definitely mention it as an option. Just tell him to have a think about it. If he says no he’s not interested then I’m sure you will accept it.

If he’s the type of child who wouldn’t speak up, he might be going through agonies over it, especially if people are openly making fun of him over it.

I would. Some things you do have to learn to accept and love about yourself and be resilient against nasty comments about. Other things can be changed easily and this is one of them. Yes some might notice a difference. Maybe he could have it at the end of gcse when the fuckwits have moved on.

Good for him, not wanting to change to fit in.

I think just making him aware the surgery is a thing should it bother him too much, then leaving the idea. He will approach you if he wants to take it further.

OP our DC had it done right at the beginning of the school holidays. It was less noticeable that way once they went back and gave them time to heal. They are very glad they had it done and we are too. We didn't wait until they brought it up btw, we brought it up and they wanted it done (thank goodness, I was terrified of them being bullied) and no one has mentioned it since.

Thanks everyone I didn’t articulate myself very well. It’s obviously great if he thinks they are fine., I just mean I fear how he would take my comments, like even his own mum agrees with the bullies. And that maybe he isn’t fine at all. Which wouldn’t be good for confidence.

I think I will try and drop it into conversation casually somehow though if it gets mentioned again

if there are many weeks recovery and if it’s painful I actually think he would turn down the offer probably

@kateluvscats can I ask how much that was please?

I got offered it when I was 11 by my audiologist. I never asked for it. Didn’t even know it was an option!

He just said it out of the blue so I had it done. I don’t regret it at all.

He needs to know it's an option, in that it is something that can be done and, most importantly, you can afford to do it so if he wants it he can have It.
If you have never talked about it why would a 14 know any of this?
He maybe doesn't say anything because he just doesn't know it's something he can do.

My only issue was, I couldn’t wear my hearing aid for a few weeks.

Mine was done by nhs.

Nope. No no no.

My mother randomly suggested plastic surgery to me completely out of the blue when I was a teen and it was a seriously wtf moment. I lost a lot of respect for her (I had tiny boobs, I was happy with my tiny boobs, apparently my parents weren’t - it was the 90’s, Kate Moss was in - my mother randomly blurted out ‘you know, me and your dad have been talking and if you want a boob job we will pay for it, we can take out a bank loan or something’). Dick move.

Honestly, if your son is not bothered in the face of others’ teasing, good for him! And if he is not, you would be better off investing in some counselling to teach him to appreciate his perfectly functioning body, rather than subject him to surgery and anaesthetic and all the associated risks and complications, for the sake of his looks!

Yes this is what I was thinking that maybe I should let him know it’s an option. I thought I would get a lot more people on here telling me not to mention it

Pretty sure it hasn't been on the NHS for years so check out private prices if you are going to suggest it. Personally I wouldn't say anything.

Its obviously up to him. But he's young to make that choice. People love Russel Tovey and he resisted pressure to have his ears pinned.

NO NO NO NO NO!!

Please please please don't mention it to him!!

My ears stuck out when I was younger, was teased relentlessly and begged my parents to do something. They paid privately to get my ears pinned back.

Honesty was one of the best days of my life and have never regretted it.

Roll on 30 years and I have a daughter with really sticky out ears. Admittedly I'm still a bit obsessed about ears.

In fact when she was about 4 I went to GP (alone) to ask about the operation for her. Luckily the GP told me to go away :)

Anyway I have NEVER EVER mentioned her ears to her. She wears her hair up in a ponytail and has absolutely no reservations about her ears.

To me they definitely look like they stick out, but she has never mentioned it. So no way am I mentioning it to her!

She's now 18 and appears to be so body confident, apart from her teeth, which she is getting a brace for.

I am so so glad I never mentioned her ears.

So please don't say anything to your son. You're his mum, he will take it to heart.

If he mentions it to you first of course you can say what's available. But why would you mention it first?

No OP no :)

as pp have suggested gently floating the idea is fine. Ywbu to actually persuade him to do it if he’s not keen but he might just not realise it’s an option.

No wonder we have a generation of kids with body image problems. I'm shocked that parents think it's a good idea to mention your kids' flaws.

As one PP suggested above, why don't you suggest your young teenage daughter gets liposuction and breast implants to get get rid of saggy tummy and small boobs.

Bloody Instagram has a lot to answer for.

Actually this thread is heartbreaking.

Ps- Getting braces is fuck all like getting your ears pinned back.

This is so weird.

He is 14. He has no problem with his ears.

Leave him alone. Don't 'casually' drop any conversation about ear surgery, what a bizarre suggestion.

I would maybe try and engineer a conversation about ear pinning in general without actually specifically suggesting he gets it done....don't ask me how though! But I'd be very careful not to give the impression that you think he needs it. He may not even realise it's an option?

Also i had a friend and school who was teased mercilessly for have a moustache and when she finally waxed it off, they teased her for waxing it. Sometimes you really can't win.

I think this is a really hard one OP because on the one hand it's great if he has the self confidence and self esteem to be happy with himself exactly how he is - but what if he isn't happy but just isn't aware that there's a fairly simple fix available if he wants it?

I think I'd look into exactly what's involved and the cost, as you say if it's a long painful recovery you don't think he'd want it anyway in which case I wouldn't suggest it. Or it might be very expensive and that money could be better spent helping him in other ways.

Super tatatato yes I know that’s how bullies minds works. They know you had a weakness and tried to fix it.

Looks like you've already decided OP. Why ask?

I'd definitely mention that it's possible OP.

It's nothing like someone suggesting a child needs a boob job .

I haven’t decided. Which way do you think I decided?