Why do you think the average age for FTMs is increasing?

[cardboardcandle]

Just that really.

Could it be because people feel they need everything in order first otherwise they’re not ready: large SUV/family car, pets, years of being child free with DH or DP? More savings? Bigger house?

Where I am, it’s extremely unusual to have DC before 25 and even under 30 is quite uncommon.

Many wish to spend their 20s partying and travelling etc
Then they suddenly get to about 29 and realise they have nothing to show for it apart from memories which are very nice but don't provide a deposit for a house to start a family in x

I think it’s that people feel young for longer. Partly because they stay in education / living at home until a much older age. So they don’t start to think about finding a partner until much later.

Also people tend to copy what they see their peers doing so it becomes a vicious circle, the more people put off having kids until their 30s the more it becomes the norm. I had my first at 28 and felt abnormally young.

I don’t know if people feel they need to live in a house before having children, maybe so. But I lived in a flat (2nd floor, no lift!) when I had my first and it wasn’t ideal but it was doable.

youre not the only one!

we wanted to enjoy life without children. I qualified at 21 spent a few years working my way up.
bought our house at 22
then spent a ridiculous amount of money on holidays, which now makes my eyes water when I think about how much we used to spend😅
we used to aim for three sun holidays a year. Summer autum and winter that accounted for 5 weeks. Then the other months we would do long weekends to city breaks.
we ended up needing ivf so ended up two years later than planned🙈

It's partly to do with so many young women still being in education to 21/22 then you want to start working, enjoy your freedom, then find someone, settle down etc. 8/9 years after graduating plenty are having children but not much before.

Bloody hell, some very 1950s views on this thread

Some women enjoyed travelling and partying through their 20s and think the memories of that free time are very well spent

It's not about consumerism, it's about education and careers for women. There is an established correlation.

Yes, this. Women with education and options are choosing to exercise those options and to postpone, or opt out of, having children.

Housing is very expensive. Renting is too insecure; your landlord can evict on a whim with two months' notice if you're in England, and multiple moves aren't good for a child that needs stability. The extra cost of having children reduces your ability to save for a deposit. Social housing used to be a good way to get a secure long-term home at an affordable cost, but not anymore.

We're almost more highly educated as a society now, and there's a strong correlation between higher female educational achievement and having the first baby later. www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/01/15/for-most-highly-educated-women-motherhood-doesnt-start-until-the-30s/

I graduated 2005 and born early 80s

I had kids age 25-29 and have 2 degrees
Had young as didnt went to be an older parent or forced to work FT into 60s to support uni students or pension top ups

Majority of my friends all middle class all 1-2 degrees had all their kids age 28-34.

So I don't know if it's just less teen mums pulling the age down. As majority of middle class women still merry late 20s and have kids before age 35.

My mum had my elder sister at 23.

She had married my dad at 21 when they graduated Uni (tiny cute pub wedding). He had got a graduate job, as had she, then they bought their first house after a year of saving.

She quit work when pregnant and was a SAHM for the rest of her life.

I also got pregnant at 23 (contraception failure). My then DP, now DH, was just starting in his career. I was temping in a job that had no maternity pay. We were living in a nasty rented flat, no prospect of being able to save to buy somewhere.

I had an abortion. We then had our planned and wanted kids 12 years later, when we had a home and decent jobs sorted, and had got married and knew we wanted to spend our lives together.

I know a few young mums in their 20s and they are all raising their kids on benefits. Mostly they are single after the dads have fucked off. I wouldn't have wanted that - for me or for my kids - and am glad I delayed.

It is strange though how much has changed in a generation.

Because birth control works.

I know a few young mums in their 20s and they are all raising their kids on benefits. Mostly they are single after the dads have fucked off. I wouldn't have wanted that - for me or for my kids - and am glad I delayed.

Unlucky circles you move in!

Equally a lot of the older parents I know divorced. Think they settled for each other in a last chance rush, had a baby too quickly then realised they weren’t compatible.

My dd and her dp are in their 20's and it will be another year or two before they can afford to rent, never mind buy, somewhere to live round here. The cost is ridiculous. Until then they are having to live with us, so it's hardly the right time for them to start a family.

Exactly.

Anecdotally, for me:

I went to University so left home and relocated, I then relocated again for a graduate job following Uni so wasn't settled in an area until I was in my early 20s. Then took a few years until I met my now DH so by that point was in my mid 20s.

Moved in together after a couple of years and rent was high so saving a deposit for a house took time. Once we had a house we wanted to get married so waited for that too. It was important to me to own our own house and be married before trying for a family.

I worked very hard at University and didn't want to give that up so wanted to stay working after having DC so the cost of childcare to enable me to keep working was a factor and something we saved for.

So all in all I'd say it's house prices being high and more women getting a higher level of education.

I had lots of nights out and a few good holidays to far flung places before having Dd in my mid 20s. What’s the point of life if not good memories? Just owning a house on paper at the end of it? How bleak.

i always find it interesting when people slate younger (ie 20s) mums saying ‘I loved my 17 years of freedom and travelling, why would I have wanted to wipe bums and put up with crying kids instead?

Same. I had mine at 21. By my early 30s I was starting a career which continued without the disruption of babies and child care for the next 30 odd years. I started travelling in my late 30s when I had more money and could afford a bit more luxury.

This.

My dd is nearly the same age I was when I had her now and I’m always telling her to travel, party, don’t settle down, don’t take life too seriously. She’s at university and plans to travel when she finishes. Life goes so, so fast and before I knew it I was 40 odd, stuck in the rat race of life and wish I had just gone (more) wild when I was younger. Maybe I’ll do a Shirley Valentine….

Have you seen the price of child care?

i couldn’t even have afforded a child in a childcare any younger than mid thirties

i didn’t manage to buy my flat until I was mid thirties and I had to at least wait to have that sorted as I knew I couldn’t save anymore when I had a 2k a month bill for nursery 😂

Ambition. The best contraceptive.
I speak as someone who had their first at 21 and another at 26. took me until my 30s to finish education and 40s until properly in a well paying career.

Having kids young, in my opinion, is ridiculous. I wish I'd waited.

Also I travelled the world in my 20s and went to all the clubs and festivals and had a bloody great time

Personally, there were a few reasons we had our first when I was 34, despite being together for a long time (over 10 years). Firstly, I wanted to established myself in my career before having a child. Secondly, we wanted to be in a secure financial position. Finally, we wanted to travel and have experiences before becoming parents.

This! Some people always like to think they have it better... yet made the same choice in the end. Young parents get to enjoy their children being teens and young adults, it's not like you stay tied to a baby forevermore! And many times there are grandparents around to help anyway.

In my case, and in a lot of other cases, it's finding decent men who would want to commit.

Many men don't want a serious relationship/marriage these days, especially when you're living in big cities. They're like kids in a candy shop (dating apps).