Why do you think the average age for FTMs is increasing?

[cardboardcandle]

Just that really.

Could it be because people feel they need everything in order first otherwise they’re not ready: large SUV/family car, pets, years of being child free with DH or DP? More savings? Bigger house?

Where I am, it’s extremely unusual to have DC before 25 and even under 30 is quite uncommon.

Long lasting contraceptive methods mean that the teen pregnancy rate has plummeted. By extension the average age has risen.

Personally I simply didn't meet DH/someone that I wanted to settle down with and who wanted the same with me until my mid 30's, then fertility issues. I expect its largely due to stability/wanting a stable relationship plus secure housing i.e. bought somewhere plus a stable job, or I wanted to have these things in place before starting a family anyway. Having stable and secure jobs was a must. I was still renting when DC1 was born however we had exchanged contracts on a house. It's so expensive to support just yourself these days never mind a family, so I think its due to finances and wanting a stable environment for the child, a "foundation" so to speak. Which takes time. The days of buying a 3 bed house on a single moderate salary and a job for life are long gone!

Wanted to focus on my career in my late 20s/early 30s and get to a decent level of pay and responsibility.

Wanted to buy a house rather than be in insecure rented places and face being evicted with a child in school.

Basically just wanted security and a decent income before starting an expensive and stressful phase of our lives!

Not interested in owning an SUV 😂 (is that really a thing?)

Increasingly there is more awareness about how hard parenthood is, how expensive it is, how for some people it just isn't rewarding enough to outweighed the unrelenting responsibility and stress.

People are taking long hard looks at if they do actually want kids or if that's just what society has told them to do. They are listening to the stories of the women before them who don't regret having kids but do regret the man. People are paying more attention and taking more care with producing lives. It's a positive thing.

For me it was the following:

• spent my 20's studying, working and enjoying lavish holidays and seeing the World
• Waited until I had moved from my London flat to my London house. Didn't want to raise a family in my tiny flat.
• Wanted to be financially secure and happy in my career beforehand.

Back in my hometown it is really common for women to have babies young as they don't really aspire to any of the above. All my cousins, siblings, in-laws all had babies young and gave up their jobs to be full-time Mums.

I think where you live, your socio-demographic and your aspirations play a big part in the age you want children.

If I had waited until I'd had things sorted I'd never have had any.

I had 2 in my 20s in dodgy circumstances but I'm now much better off.

Women shouldn't wait around for men when half of DC's don't live with their dads by the time they're 16.

But I think it's much harder now than 15/20 years ago.

I think not being able to get a council house if you are pregnant/ have DC's has really killed off younger WC women having DC's.

For me personally, I wanted to secure my career and my home before I looked to take time out for maternity leave.

In respect of my career, I had professional exams to sit before I was fully qualified. I knew that once I had my qualifications, it would be relatively easy to get a job so it gave additional security.

While we were lucky enough to own our home, it never felt like my family home ( I know this is snobby? Princessy?) so before our affordability was destroyed by childcare costs I wanted to move.

I also wanted us to have one massive blow-out holiday, with all the bells and whistles, which we did to Canada.

We went to Canada in February 2018, completed on our family home in May 2018, I qualified in January 2019 and by April 2019 I was pregnant with our DD! I was 26 at the time and 27 when she was born.

Always one having to force the conversation around to trans. Bore off, the OP made it abundantly clear it was about first time mums.

I got married at 18 and am 43 now.
Our children are 23,20 and 18.
I'm so thankful we had them young.
I know it's not for everyone but it absolutely worked for us.

Similar but one year older.

I think it is career establishment, cost of housing and childcare. I met DH when I was 30, we both got made redundant a year later (met at work) so we had to find new jobs, ended up relocating in stages (we had to live separately again for a year during that process), then I wanted to be in my new job for a while to get maternity benefits and we decided to get married too. Had the DCs at 36 and 38. This was 20-odd years ago when house prices were nowhere near what they are now. Career wise too, in my field you now need to have a degree to get a job that I could have got after A levels, a higher degree to get my graduate job, it all takes longer and incurs more cost.

In my case it was that the man I was with believed fervently that it would be fine to wait until our 40s and he didn’t want to do it until then.

Then I had to find a DP in my 30s who actually wanted kids (not easy!).

Then from 37 - 40 it has mainly been miscarriages (13) and IVF.

I didn’t feel ready in my 20s, I didn’t finish my qualifications (as they take a long time!) until late. Then I wanted to enjoy the world of work for a bit and establish myself. Went on loads of great holidays, nights out, generally just had a blast living in central London. I was in a long term relationship and I knew it wasn’t right, he was putting pressure on to have children early 30s and it made me feel trapped. It was the kicker I needed. I thought I didn’t want children, but then met my now husband and realised I just wasn’t ready before. We have the house, established careers, and now the children. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and wouldn’t change a thing.

Not interested in owning an SUV 😂 (is that really a thing?)

@BooCrew Yeah it is a real thing.

Everyone with a minimum of 2 children under 15 who drives has one in my part of London.

They then fill it with tonnes of stuff to go from A to B even though they get supermarket deliveries.

Thought I think some of them are for their DH/DP's boring hobby.

Loads of them are now electric and have steering wheel locks.

I would have happily had kids in my 20s but DH wasn't ready until I was 35.

Agree with the idea that people are obsessed with over ‘perfectifying’ their lives before having kids in terms of the material things (men and women).

Generally, I think it’s a good thing women are putting themselves first and having kids later. I had a child at 21 with my dp, now despite working FT I’ve been railroaded into the main parent/cleaner/cook of the household because that’s how the perception of our family started (with me being a SAHM). I think there’s less chance of that happening if men/women live together for a while fist and both have careers set in place. Building a career is easier before kids. Building a career is easier when you don’t have a partner as you can move about where and when you need to. I don’t regret my child and I’m managing to build my career in my desired role now I’m 25, but if I could re-live my life I’d have been 28 plus having him and I’d have spent my life up to age 25 single.

The main reasons women are having kids later?
-sifting out the shit men/finding the right one
-childcare costs

Women shouldn't wait around for men when half of DC's don't live with their dads by the time they're 16.

Even if you factor that in, assuming you have a halfway decent human coparenting, there's a lot of appeal in not doing the first 5 years by yourself.

I looked at becoming a solo mother using a donor, but hesitated because of the support network (and financial resources) you need do that yourself.

I have a few friends who are in relationships and "ready" in every other way to have a child but are waiting until they can find and buy (or even rent!) a big enough house. Most are in rented, some are wanting to relocate out of London and can't find a house back home that's affordable to buy. One couple can't decide whether to stay in the UK and have kids or move back to their "home country".
Only one is not having babies for career and childcare reasons (unreliable work schedule and no family to fall back on).
I had my first at 24 and wish I'd started sooner. Like most people (women!) I know, we'll be focussing on our careers more in our late thirties and forties when all the kids are in school

I wanted as long as possible to enjoy life before giving up my life as I knew it...

Plus I didn't meet a man worth having a baby with until I was 36.

Also wanting to establish my career so that I wouldn't need to be reliant on anyone else was important to me.

I would have thought its because:
1/ Housing costs too much
2/ Lack of properties that are the right size. Most people probably wouldn't want to bring children into a 1-2 bed micro flat with no outdoor space on the 4th floor
3/ Childcare costs too much, especially if you are already struggling with living expenses
4/ Can't afford to live on maternity/paternity pay
5/ You have to have been at a certain job to get maternity/paternity pay, which is harder if you keep getting short term contracts.
6/ It's much harder to meet someone as there isn't really anywhere you can meet them as you don't have anywhere affordable to meet people (assuming venues are still open) and people are working much longer hours with longer commutes.
7/ Online dating is hard and you can't tell if someone is genuine or just trying to get into your pants.

I was ready to have a baby before DH was (even though we'd been together for years), so I had to wait until he got there.

It's not a case of a 'bigger house' maybe just any house.

Secure housing
Money to afford maternity leave
More people go to university so they aren't in a secure role until 23 or 24.
General babying of young people. I was fully independent at 18. For most now, that seems to be 22 or 23, sometimes older.
Expectation - a desire to travel, have some fun before settling down.

I didn't have ds until I was mid forties so I skewed the statistics even more. In my case I couldn't find a partner. And I was busy with my career.

A whole bunch of factors, I think.

I always find it interesting when people slate younger (ie 20s) mums saying ‘I loved my 17 years of freedom and travelling, why would I have wanted to wipe bums and put up with crying kids instead?’

I always think if your life was so exciting and wonderful, and having kids is so rubbish, why did you do it at all? Why not just carry on with your wonderful childfree lifestyle?

Oh and men don’t need to commit anymore, they get sex and the girlfriend experience for free.

I suppose for a lot of people they want to be settled in their careers, financially stable and in a proven long term relationship.