Do you micromanage your husband?

[kavalkada]

It is a hot topic on Mumsnet. I have noticed most women hate it, but I’m one of those who love doing it. I wonder if there are more of us.
My husband will do everything I say, but I have to say it. I would lie if I said we haven’t fought over that in ten years of marriage, but after few years I have learned to play it to our strenghts.
So now he does most of the iroinng, shopping. Bathing the kids is only his job (3 and 8). Deep clean the bathrooms, change sheets, clean the Windows (in and out), does most of the night walkings with our daughter who still doesn’t sleep well, takes our kids to doctor, playdates, sport activities.
He is naturaly more sporty, so does more sport things with kids.
Kids stuff he does all on his own without asking him, but housework does after I tell him.
I’m natural organizer and love planning. I would never let him plan holidays and christmas, I enjoy doing those things on my own too much.

No. He's a grown man and can do thing on his own. I'm not his boss or his mother.

I'm single and people like you are one of the reasons I am. You're style sounds bullying and demanding which I've come across a lot. All if the things you talk about are things that a couple should do together in partnership. When it turns into barking orders you wouldn't see me for dust. I feel very sorry for your husband. I'd love to hear his side of the story.

No because he’s not a child and does things without having to be asked. I would find a man who needed mothering like that deeply unattractive.

Omg absolutely fucking not

Ive been out for dinner etc with couples who are like this and it is hideous to witness

Why in this economic climate are people still ironing clothes ?

No because I’m not a controlling arse.

'I would not let him plan holidays or Christmas'?

That is not cute it's weird and controlling

I'd love hear his side of the story too.

Why do you think I bark at him? If I cook our dinner, I’ll tell him to change sheets on beds because he will never think about it on his own.
I always though we are a team, but thank you for making me realize I’m abusive. It is good to know.

Christ. What a horror.

You sound very controlling, and quite lazy too.

What a bizarre way to behave towards someone you apparently love.

No, I married a good man who I have a lot of respect for, who doesn't need managing.
My SIL is a micro manager, not only of her husband but of the wider family - think printed itineraries for nights out / weekends away. I find it patronising and offensive and see as little of her as I can get away with.

I like it and he would hate doing anything that is connected with planning.
I always thought partners share things in marriage according to their strenghts, but it seems I was wrong.

You come across as bragging about it.

I feel a bit sorry for your husband tbh.

Sharing is one thing 'not letting someone' is controlling

I only have the energy to manage my own tasks, I would find It too much micromanaging someone else. If I was in another permanent relationship they would have to be able to do things without being told or I just wouldn't be living with them.
My life doesn't revolve round housework and cleaning things like some on here. My house is clean but not always tidy.
If there is a choice between going out, getting an early night or doing the laundry I'm afraid the laundry comes last.

Why is it a horror? Nobody on Mumsnet asks husband to do something while they do something else so they can play with kids or rest together after that?
Do you think I should everything on my own?

For much the same reason people are still having their hair cut, buying makeup, etc.

I agree with you. I used the wrong word.

To YOU it's working. However, I'm friends with someone who has been with his wife for over 30 years and she's never so much as cooked a meal and barely even puts petrol in her own car. I've known him for 16 of those years and all he's done is bang on about how miserable he is but he's too ground down to do anything about it.

DH does stuff but does need a bit of managing because he is massively forgetful, I really wish he wasn’t.

’would never think about it by himself’

He would never think that the bedding needs to be changed?

Well, in my house I cook all the meals every day, I clean kitchen after that, I do and sort all the laundry, usually after kids are in bed. I tidy everything, organize every room in the house. He works from home and has a job where he can rest for two hours in a day and I wake up at 5 am to go to work and return at 4 pm after picking kids from the school and nursery.
I never thought of my self as being lazy, but you learn something every day.

We've been together nearly 20 years. I don't think either of us 'micromanage' the other but we have naturally fallen into a pattern of playing to our strengths - so when it's a joint job, the 'lead jobber' will give the other instructions, which they follow quite meekly.

Like - DH does the gardens. He enjoys it, is good at it, I have little interest. But in Spring when we have a big clean up I'll help and pull my weight but I'm happy to follow his instructions. I know when to stay in my lane and I have no idea what 'needs' doing to each plant. So he'll tell me exactly what to do whilst he does another area and I do it. I'd never dream of questioning him, I know nothing about gardening!

Dh would never dream of booking a holiday. He might mention that he fancies Portugal this year or make another suggestion but that's it. I'm good at online research, great at bargain hunting and comparison sites - he's awful. If I tell him to have a look if there are any free child places at xyz, he will, but only following specific instructions.

I think it's a fairly normal pattern to have fallen into after a long time.

I love how OP is to blame for another man being essentially lazy and rubbish at thinking for himself.
The minute many men have a woman to hand over the mental load to, they do it.