Things that make you irrationally mad

[OngoingCrisis]

For me, it's having to pay for click and collect

Chummy language and/or therapeutic language on adverts and products and marketing emails. 'Hey Brum, thought we would reach out to try to flog you some more shit. And remember to spread love and light today ❤️ 😍 ' Just no. And I didn't say you could use my first name, spambot.

People who tap their cutlery on the sides of their plate, or their spoon on the side of a bowl, when at table. I have known a few people who did this (one of which was my FIL) but it made me see red.

Those who regale you with long, involved and pointless stories about people of whom you have no knowledge or interest. My mother had something of an obsession with 'coincidence' and she begin on some tortuous narrative, taking a succession of knight's moves away from her original point (if there ever was one), well past the point when her listeners' eyes had glazed over with boredom and incomprehension. Eventually, she would try and draw the disparate threads together to reveal what she considered to be an amazing coincidence, and then looked sad and slightly offended when her audience failed to see any connection in her narrative. Something like, "Well! It turned out that my friend's son-in-law, the one who moved to Hartlepool, had the same colour Triumph Herald as our postman's sister. What are the chances of that, eh!?"

People who walk on the backs of their slippers.

"Please respond to either myself or Julie on this matter." No. You will, on principle, never hear from me again.

Bit difficult when it’s your DCs’ head teacher. 😬

I get incredibly annoyed at people, especially in shops and on pavements, who seem to expect me to do all the ducking, diving and swerving out of their way. Yes, I may be 5ft 3 and female but I’m not invisible and you have eyes, so use them. I don’t appreciate being randomly knocked by your handbag or swinging arm either. 😡

Call centres in India, with telephone operators who insist on introducing themselves thus: "Hello! My name is Bedivere (or something equally and ludicrously unlikely). How may I help you?"

Is that you, Your Majesty? 😆

Weather presenters (again BBC) who predict that "tempwichurrs will schtruggle to weeach 10 tomowow". A temperature cannot struggle to do anything. Secondly, learn to enunciate: 'temperature' and 'struggle' if you insist on saying it.

Oh yes, this! ‘Temmretures’ seems to be the favoured pronunciation for the female of the species. No idea why. Perhaps too many consonants cause their microphones to explode?

Weather forecasters have some really weird language usage too, like ‘showers feeding through from the west’ and the grammar shitshow that is: ‘And the further north you go, there’ll be snow showers likely by evening’.

People who scuff their feet when walking.

We live in a very touristy part of France and you see whole families doing it.

Makes me want to kick the backs of their knees and shout "pick your fucking feet up".

Straphangers who fart in your face.

Actually, yes, young people who shuffle about. Pick up your feet and get moving, if you don’t get the habit of making progress when you walk now, you won’t ever.

When it is an instruction (and it usually is), the person instructing tends to do the bulging eyes thing. “It should be PIPING HOT!!!”

”Snowed under” (when used at work) would also encourage bulging eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m SNOWED UNDER”.

That fucking On The Beach advert with the Christmas song needs to fuck off into the bin.

Adverts for banks in "spoken verse" form.

My cat sitting on the arm of the sofa between me and the side table then getting pissy when I have to lean past her to get my drink or the remote. Don't fucking sit there then you furry little twat! The rest of the sofa, my lap, the bed and multiple other spots are available!

Weather forecasters have some really weird language usage too

Agree. Weather presenters saying "unsettled" instead of "wet" get my goat, ibex, chamois and every other kind of caprid. If it's raining persistently for three or four days, how can it be unsettled?

People. Just people.

Anyone who makes a massive deal out of any coincidence. Some are surprising but it can’t be properly astonishing if two people from the same area know each other or go to the same optician.

Also, people replying using the “@“ function. This doesn’t affect me because I have changed my settings so don’t get an email whenever anyone does it to me. However presumably whoever does this does expect that doing so will summon someone back to the discussion / argument.

Amen^
For me it's certain celebs.

Liam Gallagher singing or talking/writing sheeeeiiiiite.

I don't know if anyone has said this but Jeremy Clarkson. Whether it's his face in the newspaper or when he talks on TV. Go away Jeremy, find a cave and stay there.