What are your unpopular parenting opinion?

[michellet86]

There is no right answer to all t he parenting chive we make daily. I'm interested to hear everyone's opinions

Mine is that you don't need to rush your kid to A&E for anything unless it's life, limb or loss of eye sight. A&Es are already packed with kids who don't need to be there

It is bloody selfish to allow small children (or older ones) to get out of their seats/continue to shout or cry without removing them from places adults go for a treat of an evening.

It is also selfish to allow children to continue to be really noisy or running around in lots of daytime venues too - cinemas, theatres, non-child focused restaurants.

Parents should be pulled-up on the attitude that the world revolves around people with small children and having a small child entitles you to behave exactly how you wish and no-one should challenge it. People should remember all the people without children and without small children who are impacted by running around in small spaces and especially loud and drawn-out noise, rather than think it’s okay and ‘they are entitled to go wherever they want’. No. Having small children is a limit for a period of time. Accept it.

Respecting the truth that others might find your DC dull makes everyone a better person. Especially DC.

Completely agree with everything Mummyford said.

I don't believe that children should be shielded from all their parents disagreements. I purposely let DD 11 hear me and DH having the odd disagreement (not shouting). I want her to see that woman should be respected by their partner and it's ok to disagree and have different opinions.

I also think it's really important that she see DH apologise to me and vice versa after a disagreement. How does hiding all this help children learn to deal with conflict?

That it isn't teacher's job to teach your child how to be a kind and productive member of society, that's what parents are for.

Also, you shouldn't be your teenagers friend you are their parent and should act like it.

The whole "be kind" thing is not a universal truth, and it's unhealthy to brainwash your child into thinking they need to "be kind" to everyone. Some people don't deserve kindness.

Your children don't need speak French, excel at gymnastics, be grade 8 at clarinet, and do a gazillion other clubs. This is very dull and narrow idea of growing/learning.

From as early as possible it should be part of your daily routine to read (and sing) to your children.

That you never tell, hint or imply that you have opinion on someone else's parenting - people who do this are really shitty, or like my mum and aunts who mean well but still it's annoying. Though obviously sharing opinions on mumsnet anonymously is allowed 😊

I don’t pretend to have the grand solution to alcoholism. My husband was a teen alcoholic and has been sober for 15 years now.

But I think a good start is education on alcohol and safety, communication communication communication! Make sure you’re children know that if they do something stupid or get themselves stuck in a bad situation that they can get your non judgemental support and let your kids know you are a safe person to talk to about the subject.

We plan to have a big talk about alcoholism with our daughter when she is a a teen as my husband’s family has a long history of alcoholism. I don’t pretend to know the science behind it but I know that family ties to the affliction means it’s more likely to be passed down. Even 15 years sober my husband has to work on staying sober. He does not have the luxury of letting his guard down.

We don’t want to continue the family legacy through her.

The whole "be kind" thing is not a universal truth, and it's unhealthy to brainwash your child into thinking they need to "be kind" to everyone. Some people don't deserve kindness.

Absolutely agree. I tell my DD to be kind to those who are kind to you. Stand up to the ones who are not.

TV and screens can be incredibly powerful educational (and enjoyable) tools. Used wisely, they can deliver great good.

It's not a good thing to say "eat it or go hungry" when a child doesn't want to eat something. I don't eat things i don't want to eat, and i don't force my children to either. I ask them to try things but i will never force them to eat something they don't want, or to eat everything on their plate.

Too many memories of being told to eat it or starve as a child, and sitting at the table for hours because i wasnt allowed to get down until id eaten what my parents deemed to be enough.

I think it's wrong when parents put photos of their children on social media. I think it should be up to the child, when they are able to consent, whether they want to have their life displayed online.

I also feel for the babies and very young children who are in nursery/looked after by someone else all week. I feel like it is a selfish decision to have children If the parents are unable or unwilling to look after them for a good chunk of the week - at least while they are very little.

Same.

I never force my DC to eat if they don't want to. I meter ask them to have a specific number of bites or to just taste it or tell them it's that or nothing. Food is only a battle if you make it a battle.

Yes, the 'Be Kind' brigade have a pernicious element. It often means 'don't question me' and is the latest version of 'calm down dear'. I'll teach my daughter to think critically, thanks.

'Endless warnings and telling offs don't trump one sharp smack on the arse I know I don't care too old!'

I actually think that sending a child to their room and making them feel excluded really isn't kind. An occasional light,short smack on a clothed bottom for misbehaviour doesn't hurt - but it is a shock and works. (3 adult children, not traumatised by their upbringing, hand their children over to me for overnight stays etc.). There is a huge difference between a beating and a light smack. Hard hat time...don't care! And don't tell me I wouldn't smack an adult. Adults don't roll around having tantrums on the floor in supermarkets. Children aren't adults....

Parents with ND children deserve medals - it must be incredibly hard to deal with. But I refuse to believe that every challenging child is neuro diverse. If they are - there's obviously something in the water or being sprayed on our food. But honestly - sometimes kids push boundaries because that's what children do. Our role as parents is to have firm but fair boundaries and train our children to be civilised members of society.

I agree about the photos on social media. Though my husband and I do not agree so we have met in the middle and compromised. Holidays and special occasions can go on social media. No bath/potty pictures or anything that could potentially be embarrassing.

As far as nursery I’m conflicted. On one hand I don’t think I could be rigid enough to shame someone who has no options. In this day and age it’s getting harder and harder to choose parenthood. Some people may feel they have limited options but know the clock is ticking.

On the other hand I considered sending mine off to daycare and working but under 2 I just couldn’t bring myself too. Many of my friends were sending theirs off at 6 months one even at 2 months! Like it was nothing. They were very casual about it. I guess I’m just different. Mine was also very high needs and is very much bonded to myself and her father. I feel okay with it now so long as she is properly introduced but the thought still makes me want to cry. But I know the socialization will be good for her.

But it shocks me the ones that do it at 2 months even though they have familial support and have the option to stay home for the rest of the year.

@SpringsRightAroundTheCorner I agree.

@mathanxiety
Genuine question, do you think that stops teenagers having sex, or drinking?

In my experience it pushes them to do it in unsafe ways, like having sex outside or asking older men to buy alcohol.

Whats better ensuring your teen does these things (that most teens do) safely, or say "not in my house" and encourage them to hide it and do it elsewhere in unsafe locations? (Genuine question, not aiming to be sarky)

This is such a UK debate. Many american parents I know would rather set themselves on fire than give their children permission to have sex in their homes. 😂 Not judging by the way! I’m very much open to learning from other cultures. I just still feel a tad culture shocked every time I see this discussed! Lol!

I’m still not sure how I would manage this one myself honestly. I think I would be really uncomfortable with the idea but I’m definitely weighing the pros and cons of safety vs good parental boundaries. I think my husband would be dead set against it though so that would also be a major barrier to this as a parental strategy.

I disagree with every one of those points

If someone doesn’t want their kids badly enough to leave them so hungry and mad they’re removed, for the love of Christ don’t focus on ‘reuniting the family’.

When Children’s Services take kids away there was never a family in the first place. A pair of addicts, one of whom is violent and no relation to the DC, is no substitute. Stats social services cite about unity having better outcomes are old as God. I can’t believe in them.

If parents don’t want their kids, accept it. It really isn’t the end of the world to get DC brought up by other people. It happens the whole time in the middle classes - ie those with £ - and in other cultures.

But it might be the end of DCs world if you keep pushing the poor little things at someone who prefers crack and lager.

If someone doesn’t want their kids badly enough to leave them so hungry and mad they’re removed, for the love of Christ don’t focus on ‘reuniting the family’.

When Children’s Services take kids away there’s no family to go back to, is there. A pair of addicts, one of whom is no relation to the DC, is not even one parent. Stats social services cite about unity having better outcomes are old as God. I can’t believe in them.

If parents don’t want their kids,

@PissedOffAmericanWoman

It's definitely a hard one isn't it..

My parents were very strict and my boyfriend wasn't allowed upstairs at all if I was up there, even to the bathroom. So we went elsewhere, which make it impossible to talk to my mom about sex when i did have a pregancy scare as a late teen (thankfully a false alarm). Even recently, I felt awkward telling her I was pregnant at nearly 30! Because sex was taboo in our household.

In terms of alcohol, my parents let me drink (a wkd etc) at pubs from a young age (13) and bought me wine to go to parties with at 14/15 onwards. They drank as teenagers, and knew I would too. They were worried I'd approach older men to buy me alcohol, who could easily take advantage of the situation, so they limited what I had access too and provided safe transport there and back. Out of all my friends, I was the one who knew my drinking limits by 18, when I could freely buy alcohol, and would return home in some reasonable state, whilst they went wild, I absolutely swear it's because I was allowed to experiment safely and they weren't.

The only thermometer I ever had was my hand. That said I don’t know what a normal temperature is either.

Teaching your baby to fall asleep on its own by sleep training is not cruel. Why would anyone want to have sleepless nights for years on end. No one likes waking up through the night. Young children need good sleep. Doesn't apply to small babies who need to feed regularly
Children need to know they are loved by lots of people not just their parents. There is nothing wrong with children staying overnight with grandparents. It helps build confidence and independence.
No should mean no
It amazes me how many teenagers are fussy eaters. I think it's attention seeking
Boys are not always to blame for everything