What are your unpopular parenting opinion?

[michellet86]

There is no right answer to all t he parenting chive we make daily. I'm interested to hear everyone's opinions

Mine is that you don't need to rush your kid to A&E for anything unless it's life, limb or loss of eye sight. A&Es are already packed with kids who don't need to be there

Oops my post was deleted as I knew it would be.

It’s a shame that we cannot discuss these issues on here, as parents of ND children or those in the industry are frustrated by it and need a safe place to vent.

At the moment y weird unpopular opinion on parenting seems to be not sending my 3yo to childcare because she's told me she doesn't want to go. I am aware that we're privileged in that she doesn't need to go (the kids can come to work with me). Other parents we chat to and the HVs are utterly baffled that I'm giving her a choice in the matter, especially when it's free.

• your role is to be a parent and not their best friend
• saying no to a child is necessary even when they are teenagers
• children need boundaries and a routine from early on
• meals out (all meals in fact) should be a time to engage with your children, not dump them in front of a screen. *Yes I realise that for ND children this may not be possible but for a child who isn't ND it is very possible*
• making them eat all their sprouts is a battle not worth fighting

Your child won't melt if you tell them what to do and expect them to do it without explanation. You don't have to run yourself ragged to keep them happy. Being bored, miserable and fed up occasionally isn't a problem.

Kids are in nappies/pull ups far too long these days - there’s a whole generation of 3 year olds being trained to soil themselves while their parents ‘wait until they show signs they’re ready’. Not sure what signs they’re waiting for. I nannied for 6 different families throughout the 80s, all had children who I toilet trained, none were still in nappies at three (none of their little friends were either).

There was someone on a thread the other day about nappies at night (I accept this is different) but even still she said ‘most 6 year olds aren’t dry at night, it’s normal they all wear night pants’. It’s really not normal at all. There will always be some that need to, not all by a long shot.

You clearly don't have tween boys!

@NotAnotherBathBomb 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Endlessly forcing things on young children which are about their comfort- if they don’t want to wear gloves or a hat, don’t make them, if they don’t want to eat, don’t make them. They’ll definitely let you know as soon as they are cold or hungry.

I also ageee about A&E.. I don’t think that children are delicate flowers, I think they are tough survivors, programmed to get through almost anything life throws at them.

Completely agree with this

There is no need to own a thermometer for your kids. Touch and how they are gives you a million times more useful information.

There is no call for giving paracetamol or ibuprofen to treat a number just because it’s a number.
Let that temperature due the job that nature intended. No symptoms, no pain, no discomfort, let it be.

There is absolutely no need to go to the GP or hospital A&E for bog standard, every day, normal and natural basic childhood illness.

Are you not worried about how she copes with school?

Dummies rock!

I agree, total shame @toocold54

The world really has gone mad, not being able to call shit out for what it really is partly why the country is in the horrid mess it is. Sigh.

😞

50/50 in the event of a split is more about what the parents want than what is best for the children.

I've never met a child of a "gentle parent" who wasn't feral.

Children should try things before they say no. If they refuse to try a new food / go to a new activity that you know they would benefit from, it is your job to get them to try it and not give in at the first "no."

No primary aged child should have access to the internet unsupervised.

Thanks for posting the article link @Carouselfish . I'll have a read.

I dont agree with giving your 13/14 year old cans of alcohol because then it will "take away the mystique" and they will "never lie to you about drinking in the future". Its both naive and ignorant because lots of research shows that kids who were given alcohol at a younger age are actually far more likely to become problem drinkers when older.

• Screens are terrible for children, especially for under 5s. In many other countries, screens must be cut out cold turkey before an SEN assessment will be made, because their impact on behaviour is profound.

• In response to tears/tantrums: ‘You’re OK’, ‘It doesn’t matter’ etc. Invalidating and dismissing your child’s feelings will land them in therapy as adults. Many parents completely misunderstand this and think that respectful/gentle parenting has no boundaries - it is dependent on very firm boundaries. Validating emotions is NOT the same as accepting bad behaviour. All feelings can be accepted. Some actions must be limited.

• Praise is damaging. That’s a good drawing” “You’re so clever” “good boy” etc is damaging. Empty praise is so harmful and at the root of much anxiety and low self esteem. You are teaching them to be addicted to external validation. Far better to elicit intrinsic self-worth by acknowledging achievements in neutral terms so they can learn to big themselves up.

• Ditto reward charts

I don’t give false praise.

Sometimes, I can tell they didn’t try very hard or didn’t listen and they still ask me how they did (e.g. at swimming). I tell them that I think they could’ve tried harder or listened better. The looks I get from other parents when I say this is quite something. But on the other hand, when I know they’ve tried their best, I will praise them and they know I’m genuine.

That there is a big cultural element to fussy eating.
I live in a country where packed lunches aren't a thing and all the kids (allergies or special needs excepted) are expected to gratefully and cheerfully eat the meals that are put in front of them at school. Families cook and eat a diverse range of foods together. Kid's menus in restaurants are often just a smaller portion of something from the adult menu.
I can't think of a time where any of my DCs friends has been fussy about food.
I just spent Christmas with, 4 year old, 6 year old, 12 year old and 16 year old nieces and nephews who ate oysters, blue cheese, wild boar, Swiss chard, cardoons, beef tongue and all manner of other things with gusto. This is not at all unusual here. None of my British nieces and nephews would have touched any of it.

Probably should have added that we home ed her sister, so she's still spending time with other kids and building friendships with them, just from a wider age range.

Even if we didn't though I wouldn't be worried, there's no reason for a 3yo to not do well in school if they didn't attend nursery/childcare.

I let my 2 yo play with smart devices and watch TV with certain obvious restrictions. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I remember when I was a kid I really loved video frames but the more my parents shamed me for it and tried to fight it the more a i wanted to play them or looked at other kids with envy. When i moved out I played them like crazy until I was burnt out and then I finally found a healthy balance. That’s why I’ve decided not to be obsessive about blocking screen usage. Technology is an unavoidable part of our lives at this point she’s going to have to learn how to manage it in a healthy way. So introducing those things to her in healthy moderation will teach her how to use technology in a healthy amount and way. Villifying those things will only make things worse in my opinion.

If that’s true then why have so many countries in Europe, where family drinking is the norm, got a healthier situation with alcohol and teens than us?

A baby can easily sleep through the night from a couple of months old and there’s absolutely no need to feed non stop throughout the night and get no sleep for a year or even longer.