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Original poster

Is this a thing - pre engagement ?!

104 replies

Sparklycarrot · 07/01/2023 21:33

Now I've never actually been engaged , so I don't know what is the done thing exactly. But , several friends have said to me now they have chosen and brought a ring with their partner, but they aren't engaged yet, he'll keep the ring an propose in the next 18 months when the time is right. Just checking, is this the done thing now ?? Choosing the ring together but not being engaged yet...

OP posts:
Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/01/2023 23:14

Are these the same people who tell you they are engaged, flash the ring and if you ask them when they are getting married say that they have no plans to actually get married?

Or perhaps the same ones who send out ‘save the date’ cards before the invitations. What’s wrong with just sending a wedding invitation? Surely you don’t fix a date until you know that a venue is available for your wedding?

My2pence2day · 09/01/2023 01:09

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/01/2023 23:14

Are these the same people who tell you they are engaged, flash the ring and if you ask them when they are getting married say that they have no plans to actually get married?

Or perhaps the same ones who send out ‘save the date’ cards before the invitations. What’s wrong with just sending a wedding invitation? Surely you don’t fix a date until you know that a venue is available for your wedding?

I did a save the date, as we were still planning and details hadn't been confirmed for the invite

Artemi · 09/01/2023 13:20

yubgummy · 07/01/2023 23:10

People always say "once you've had the conversation then that's it you're engaged". But that's a bit unrealistic no? It's a series of conversations that slowly build up in confidence. People like to have an official transition marker, to draw a line in the sand and say alright, decision made, we're not talking hypotheticals anymore, let's go for it. That's a special moment, it's nice to mark it with a nice "proposal" even if it's already been pretty clear for a while.

Waiting 18mo is 🤔though...!

This!

I can understand "pre-engagement" as a (private!) stage between the two of you as you have increasingly serious discussions about marriage. Engagement is when you both decide that you want to marry eachother and are making your intentions public. That can just as easily be from a mutual discussion or from one partner deciding to take the initiative and propose but no proposal should come as a complete surprise.

That is not the same as the excessively instaworthy planning of a "proposal" when both have already decided they want to marry (and are therefore already engaged!)

I have even seen on wedding Reddits people who are scoping out venues or even booking dress fittings but "are not engaged" because a diamond ring hasn't been produced with sufficient flourish yet.

mindutopia · 09/01/2023 14:26

So they bought a ring together and he plans to propose in the near future? That sounds perfectly normal. I mean, 18 months out is a bit long and I hope they aren't calling themselves 'pre-engaged,' because that's idiotic sounding, but dh and I bought the stone for my engagement ring (not a diamond) 6 months before we got it engaged. We worked with a jeweller to design a ring using that stone. Dh went and picked it up when it was finished. We got engaged about a month later. So we bought the ring together starting with the stone well in advance and we knew we were getting engaged and married and he planned a proposal and did it. People definitely knew we were buying the ring and knew we were getting married the next year, but I wouldn't have called it a 'pre-engagement'. He was my serious boyfriend who I was planning to marry.

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