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Original poster

Stopping pocket money due to smoking weed in the house

85 replies

losenotloose · 04/01/2023 21:24

16 year old ds has repeatedly been caught smoking weed in his room. Him and his friends all smoke weed regularly. Although I'm not happy about it, there's not much I can do about it. However, I draw the line at smoking in the house. We've had many screaming arguments about this. I've come to the end of my tether and said if he does it again no more pocket money. So now I have to follow through.

Why do I feel guilty? Well I know partly why, because his friends parents seem to be so liberal and I end up being made to feel uptight, controlling etc. I'm so upset and fed up.

OP posts:

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 04/01/2023 21:26

I think no more pocket money anyway. He can get a job at 16.

Dotcheck · 04/01/2023 21:27

Why is there nothing you can do about him smoking in your house? It’s a disgusting habit which makes everything and everyone smell, and it is very bad for him.
Cutting off pocket money is the bare minimum you can do here

watchfulwishes · 04/01/2023 21:28

Stopping pocket money and you feel guilty? He's smoking drugs in your house.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/01/2023 21:32

Smoking weed full stop is a no no.
Why are these the friends he has chosen?
What are his interests?
What is school's line about drugs?

Pocket money absolutely ceases immediately.

Have you been clear that drugs are a no no since day 1?

IDontCareMatthew · 04/01/2023 21:39

Weed smoking is the start of it.....it's a slippery slope

Do all you can to stop it op!

Original poster

losenotloose · 04/01/2023 21:44

His friends are actually nice boys believe it or not. I definitely think it's having a bad effect on him but how can I stop him? Right now he's distracted from school and just wants to spend all his time socialising. We've been clear we don't agree with it, not sure what else I can do

OP posts:

startfresh · 04/01/2023 21:46

Yeah, I would have stopped pocket money to not enable the buying of weed in the first place.

Oioicaptain · 04/01/2023 21:48

I would be getting him to do some research online into the effects on the brain on the under 25s - particularly upon young men. It's not considered safe whilst the brain is still developing.

unclebuck · 04/01/2023 21:48

yeah, tell him to get a job and pay for his own weed. He'll soon see it's fucking expensive!

dolor · 04/01/2023 21:49

Stop being soft, and put your foot down.

Ground him.

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 04/01/2023 21:51

If you stop giving him money, has he any way to access the drug? Ground him so he isn't with these friends. Get some drug advice online - I know the line these days is to be aware rather than saying no, but that doesn't mean he can do this in your home against your wishes!
Talk to him about what he gets out of it, and what the pitfalls are from your perspective

Wfhandbored · 04/01/2023 21:57

Pocket money at 16 is daft imo - go earn your own money and you'll see the value. Also as for smoking weed in your house, absolutely fucking not. I would give him an ultimatum personally. This is my house, not a doss yard. You want to smoke weed, you move out.

SleekMamma · 04/01/2023 22:00

It's your house! Your rules.

Plus cannabis is really bad for teenage brains.

You are doing him a favour by banning drugs.

Beachbabe1 · 04/01/2023 22:01

My son is also 16 and I also still give him pocket money. He goes to college and is learning a trade. He has been for a few interviews with no luck. I am not pushing him to get a job immediately after leaving school! He will be fully qualified in 2 years and will get a decent job with a decent pay.
My son and his friends have also started smoking weed. It's very common for teenagers to try it and it's been common for years and years! It's part of growing up for some teens!
Dont take any notice of the high all mighty parents on here who say..stop his pocket money, make him get a job or kick him out! As if!!! He is 16 ffs! Just left school! Enjoying himself after 2 years of shitty covid and stressful exams!! My son also smoked in his room and I told him that wasn't acceptable! He hasnt done it again. You need to stop his pocket money until he respects your house rules. But let him earn it back by way of grovelling & housework! Ha ha

IDontCareMatthew · 04/01/2023 22:08

Oh dear @Beachbabe1 you are SO naive!

Drugs are not the way to go for any kid

Tamarindtree · 04/01/2023 22:08

The problem is that he has been allowed this lifestyle and when you withdraw the funds, the need for weed may make him start stealing.

You need to be aware of that and take steps to ensure he can’t access any of your finances online on any devices and that your bank cards are not within his reach.

Your bank cards at night need to be in your bedroom.

SleekMamma · 04/01/2023 22:10

Harmless eh?
Have a read of this. The cannabis available these days is really strong stuff.

bnitreatment.com/psychosis-in-teens/#:~:text=There%20is%20mounting%20clinical%20evidence,develop%20psychosis%2C%20or%20even%20schizophrenia.

Nagado · 04/01/2023 22:12

Well you could go the super strict way of removing his bedroom door, fitting a smoke detector on his bedroom ceiling and chucking a bucket of water over him whenever you smell it, but if he’s having screaming rows with you about smoking drugs in your home, I suspect the moment for being a disciplinarian may have passed. Plus he’s sixteen. He’s full of teen hormones and likely to do something dramatic like run away to live in his mate’s dad’s shed because you’re so dreadful to him.

I think you need to be a bit more sneaky about this. Point out that he can start driving lessons soon and make him watch episodes of Police Interceptors (they do drug tests practically every episode). Tell him it’s a shame he won’t be able to take any lessons because it’s regarded the same as drink driving now and stays in your system for days. Tell him he smells really unpleasant when he’s been smoking and no one is going to let their daughter date someone who smells mouldy. Give him his own towel and tell him to wash his own clothes and bedding. Spray him with Febreze. Obviously stop his pocket money. Is he conscious of any social issues? Point out that that little bit of weed is likely to be grown in a factory manned by victims of people trafficking and sold by kids who are victims of gangs, and that you thought better of him. And then, if he carries on, it might be time to start with the buckets of water.

Nagado · 04/01/2023 22:17

purplepencilcase · 04/01/2023 22:18

Jeeze. He'd be out on his arse if were mine!! No hesitation. What message are you giving by condoning this!

Kanaloa · 04/01/2023 22:22

I’m surprised you think there is ‘nothing you can do.’ You know weed costs money? Money which presumably you’ve been giving him the whole time. If it was mine I’d have stopped any cash to them immediately when I found out, plus reported to the police that someone had sold my teenage child drugs and encouraged them to investigate. That may sound like an overreaction but people are so silly about ‘oh it’s only weed, just a bit of weed’ blah blah. It’s an illegal drug. A child buying and taking drugs is horrific. And it can have terrible effects on some people.

IDontCareMatthew · 04/01/2023 22:24

It starts with a bit of weed and can escalate to county lines VERY quickly

Purplepurse · 04/01/2023 22:25

When I found my son was smoking weed I told him that I would no longer be paying for him to have driving lessons. I stopped all pocket type money and together we researched the effects it could have on his brain.
It did work. He stopped . I know he did. We are 10 years on now. I came down really hard. Luckily I don't think he was particularly hooked on it.

mumarooni · 04/01/2023 22:26

Weed is not harmless. Those of my friends/family who smoked a lot in teenage years are not all unaffected in adulthood. Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, simple sefishness or harder drugs. I will put every effort and tactic into avoiding it for my kids. I have heard that it's so much riskier for teenage brains than adult brains, so il make sure they know that and hope they will defer their curiosity until it melts away. I also hope I can support other sorts of risk taking and socialising that are less harmful, adventure, travel, adrenaline sports, gigs. Anything but drugs. Having not been through it yet myself I can't give any advice, but wanted you to feel bolstered in doing something...not all parents are like your son's mates parents, you are not the boring, unliberal one, honestly!

IDontCareMatthew · 04/01/2023 22:29

I work in a cat B men's prison. Full of the worst criminals. Drugs feature HEAVILY. So many young lads from 18 up serving heavy sentences

It's grim!

Get him away from the weed op

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