Stopping pocket money due to smoking weed in the house

[losenotloose]

16 year old ds has repeatedly been caught smoking weed in his room. Him and his friends all smoke weed regularly. Although I'm not happy about it, there's not much I can do about it. However, I draw the line at smoking in the house. We've had many screaming arguments about this. I've come to the end of my tether and said if he does it again no more pocket money. So now I have to follow through.

Why do I feel guilty? Well I know partly why, because his friends parents seem to be so liberal and I end up being made to feel uptight, controlling etc. I'm so upset and fed up.

Why the police? Because they are buying and smoking illegal drugs. It’s against the law. When someone does something which is against the law, reporting them to the police is an appropriate course of action. HTH.

Why feel guilty? He's still the child living under your care. He have to respect your house rule.

You seem incredibly passive, sorry if that's not accurate. Your son's friends are not nice boys if they're all smoking weed. I'd not only stop pocket money but also replace his smartphone with a brick. I'd search his room and destroy any weed and if he persisted, consider contacting the police to tell them about who you suspect is supplying illegal drugs to children.

This is not normal where I live, it doesn't have to be normal in your son's life.

@JesusWearsPrada I would agree with you if weed was like it was 30-40 years ago but it's not, it's so much stronger and more dangerous.

Also, these kids are only 16, still at school, in no way able to make risky choices.

@holierthanthou73

• IDontCareMatthew Weed smoking is the start of it.....it's a slippery slope

Do all you can to stop it op!

a slippery slope FGS!!! It’s nota gateway drug, he won’t be on crack next week, Jesus wept*

Hmm.... well I work in a men's prison on a youth wing. I can confirm you are wrong. But hey, what do I know?

Also - it is a gateway drug. It’s one of the main gateway drugs. That’s what a gateway drug is, the whole point of it. And it will be just damaging his brain the whole time. Horrific.

Agree with @Kanaloa and @IDontCareMatthew. I work in a uni and weed is a co-factor in students with poor mental health and poor educational outcomes.

The heavy users also find themselves socially isolated as everyone else finds them boring and stinky.

OP
Seek help. Get him to stop. Perhaps the odd smoke when at a new years party, big party once a year when a student but as others have said, its a very slippery slope.

Consult online help and threaten him with police action.

Weed is not harmless. If we had the education re alcohol that we have these days, I would never have drunk this stuff.

Re police, lets see what others say here and if they have spoken to cops for help re their kids etc and if there were positive outcomes and take it from there,

ps

this may help

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/getting-help-drug-or-alcohol-problems

Most of my DHs contemporaries also started smoking week as teens. He sin his late 50s now. He stopped because his parents stopped him having any access to money and stopped him going out. Of his group of 5 friends, 2 have died of drug overdoses before they hit their 30s, 1 is a heroin addict in and out of rehab, 1 spent 2 years in prison for being caught with Class A drugs. 1 is an accountant and earns a fortune. Go figure!

Not always. I smoked weed as a teenager, never at home, and stopped when I was 20. This child is committing a criminal offence and so are you (permitting premises to be used).

Some real pearl clutching on here. Taking drugs is very common. Almost everyone I know has taken drugs. I'm not saying its a good thing, but the people I know who take drugs/smoke weed have successful jobs/careers and have never been in prison.

If your son wants to smoke weed then there's probably nothing you can actually do about it. Yes , you should cut off his pocket money, but he'll find another way to smoke it if he's so bothered. The issue is his lack of respect for you. Why on earth would he think its ok to smoke in the house at all? I would focus on this angle. Its fine to try and educate him on weed and drugs , but you're unlikely to tell him anything he doesn't already know.

Anyone who works in a prison is going to see loads of people who's lives are ruined by drugs. They don't see the thousands upon thousands of people who take drugs every day as part of their perfectly average lifestyle.

Someone smokes a spliff on here and people think they're gonna end up on crack, working the County lines. I mean, it obviously happens but the chances are pretty small... I don't take drugs BTW.

I take issue with anyone who says weed is harmless. I have friends who were the cool ones in teens and 20s regularly smoking so called harmless weed. Now every one of them is messed up someway or another, mental health issues, lack of concentration, inability to hold down a job. All nice people, nice families, well educated etc. You need this to stop now op.

For those underplaying weed...
I had a long running thread on here years ago about my 13 year old son who started smoking weed and was sectioned after having a full psychotic breakdown.
Weed is cut with all sort of crap.

I cannot believe you allow your house to be used to smoke weed- which is still a class b drug. If he wants to smoke it tell him to do it elsewhere. And cut his money.

Cool parenting......:/

@Obviouspretzel

Most of the thread does not seem to agree with you. Can you not sell it to us in a more articulate way perhaps?

Being concerned for the health and well-being of a 16 year old boy smoking weed at home alone in his room is not in any way "pearl clutching". It's parenting.

Also, working in a local prison unfortunately does mean I see the friends of my dc ( dc are grown up range from teens up) rock up in prison

They were the school weed smokers...they keep getting sentenced....start small on that slippery slope and end up with 10 plus years sentences

I'm moving off that wing now as yet again a kid I know has come in so I can't work on there. It's sad and does start with dabbling in weed. Once he's buying it he gets comfortable but even cutting off his supply may leave him vulnerable to the dealers. He's easy prey

*his cash supply

The accusations of ‘pearl clutching’ being thrown about are really making me roll my eyes. You’re so cool because you’re not freaking out. It’s only a bit of weed. Everybody does it then goes on to be a middle class professional with good mental health. Let’s relive our uni days and have a smoke at dinner parties.

Absolute bollocks. People on here have an attack of the vapours if you live within three streets of social housing, how would you feel if a cannabis factory was set up in the house next to you? Would it still be cool then? The constant smell? The risk of fire from all of the bodged electrics? The victims of trafficking being forced to cultivate the plants? Dealers turning up at all hours of the night to check up on the hose and collect what has been harvested? Other dealers trying to break in to steal the plants? Perhaps you’d like to swap homes with me for a couple of weeks and see the teenagers who have lost interest in anything but smoking? Young adults who are using it to medicate their poor mental health? Old ladies who won’t walk through certain areas because the druggies know when pension day is and they’ll get their handbags snatched? The young kids going to school stinking of weed because their parents have been smoking it? The house on the corner where there’s a steady stream of teenagers going in and out because she sells it and lets them smoke there? Perhaps you’d like to have to close your windows on a hot summers day because your neighbours are smoking and the smell is coming in your house?

Or is it only a harmless little bit of weed when you don’t have to see or live anywhere near the realities of it? Pearl clutchers my arse. Middle class hypocrites more like.

And of course it’s a fucking gateway drug. Prisons are full of people proving that. That doesn’t mean that everyone goes through that gateway.

Its not a gateway drug

nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug

You’ll find loads of websites that disagree. Funnily enough, all in support of legalisation.

I don’t actually care if a teenager consumes some weed. No different than alcohol.

but I have a severely asthmatic child and a job with zero tolerance for illegal activity. My reaction to smoking weed in my home would be much more
severe than removing pocket money.

It's really difficult to stop them smoking it altogether. It's everywhere and it's very cheap. DS is 15 and smokes a bit, he is not allowed inside and I have stopped his money when he has smoked inside. OP you have my sympathies because at that age you can't stop them from doing what they want, you can only speak to them and give consequences that they may or may not care about or respond to.

If everyone posting had experience of this I don't think you'd have as many people telling you what the dangers are (as if you didn't know) and telling you that they would ground their kids if they ever smoked weed. I hate the weed smoking but around here there is no getting away from it. It's probably the same in other areas too. Definitely don't give him any more money OP but t the same time be aware that dealers will always have jobs kids can do to earn money or free drugs and that never ends well.

I don’t actually care if a teenager consumes some weed. No different than alcohol

Really? Would you rather live next door to a vineyard or a house being used to grow cannabis?

a false equivalence

a vineyard vs a legal cannabis farm would be a reasonable comparison. They do exist in some countries. I don’t much see the difference in living next to either.