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Original poster

Is anyone happy with what they get for child maintenance?

162 replies

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:40

I have another thread on this and can’t link it. Feeling frustrated and deflated and like the piss is being taken. Ex has huge savings and about to give up a high paying job. So apparently our daughter has nothing from him.

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 06/01/2023 18:23

HappyNewYear2023 · 06/01/2023 17:13

Yes I'm very happy with the money I get from the ex. Which is zero. He went to the CSA, hid money (self employed) and it come out as £100 a month.

Told him to stick it up his arse.

I'm very lucky that I don't need his money.

Why on earth did you do that?

you could have put that £100 in a saving account for your child. £1200 a year x 18 years…. A very very tasty nest egg.

Cutting your nose off to spite your face (and your son)

Goodgrief82 · 06/01/2023 18:29

taxpayer1 · 06/01/2023 16:37

That is only true if the parent with care didn't have a good job to start with. Only If he/she works at NMW or close to it, it's better to be on benefits and then moan about all the amazing opportunities they lost for raising children.

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Love your name 🙄

Bluecatbeauty · 07/01/2023 10:40

I get £198 per month for one DS who spends weekdays with me and weekends with ex. Ex is away a lot though so DS is with me mostly. It’s a fight to get anything extra for school trips, shoes etc as claims he is broke (self employed). It’s infuriating and drives me insane - sometimes I try to fight and sometimes I don’t have the energy but I think I might try the spreadsheet idea! But there seems to be no way of enforcing payment for extras - Duke of Edinburgh payment of £160 - he says he can’t pay so what do I do? I pay it because I don’t want my DS to miss out on the trip. He doesn’t buy DS anything, not even pants and socks!

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Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 10:43

Bluecatbeauty · 07/01/2023 10:40

I get £198 per month for one DS who spends weekdays with me and weekends with ex. Ex is away a lot though so DS is with me mostly. It’s a fight to get anything extra for school trips, shoes etc as claims he is broke (self employed). It’s infuriating and drives me insane - sometimes I try to fight and sometimes I don’t have the energy but I think I might try the spreadsheet idea! But there seems to be no way of enforcing payment for extras - Duke of Edinburgh payment of £160 - he says he can’t pay so what do I do? I pay it because I don’t want my DS to miss out on the trip. He doesn’t buy DS anything, not even pants and socks!

Do you go through CMS?

does he get every weekend? Doesn’t leave much time for you and your son to enjoy leisurely time together?

Bluecatbeauty · 07/01/2023 10:50

no used the cms calculator.
my son and I have school holidays as I work at his school so we get down time together then.

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:04

If ex is self employed…. Always go down CMS route

and if you suspect under declaring

report to Hmrc

Redruby2020 · 07/01/2023 11:17

NewYearSameOldMeButFatter · 04/01/2023 20:20

My lovely ex was working full time, I was still getting a pittance as I had 4 kids, but they only pay for up to 3.

Then he claimed financial responsibility for his girlfriends kids, so I got less.

Then they figured it out that he could go very part time and look after her kids and I would get pennies and their household income would remain the same.

The system sucks.

Let's hope for them that relationship doesn't break down lol, otherwise the gf could find herself in the same or similar position as you, then it won't be such a nice arrangement! 😆

CornishGem1975 · 07/01/2023 11:21

I get nothing from my ex, so no, obviously not happy with that! He earns very well.

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:22

Redruby2020 · 07/01/2023 11:17

Let's hope for them that relationship doesn't break down lol, otherwise the gf could find herself in the same or similar position as you, then it won't be such a nice arrangement! 😆

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Let’s be honest….. 99.99999% certain it will break down, but not after he’s had a few more children with the new partner… and so yet more children will grow up in poor Financial circumstances and with a shit absent father. And the cycle will continue

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:23

CornishGem1975 · 07/01/2023 11:21

I get nothing from my ex, so no, obviously not happy with that! He earns very well.

This is what I don’t I don’t understand

why zero?

CornishGem1975 · 07/01/2023 11:36

@Goodgrief82 Because the kids are slightly older now, they spend different amounts of time at different houses, making it roughly 50/50 so he doesn't legally have to contribute, but we had a consent order and an agreement that he would pay X amount but he got a new woman and then decided not to pay anymore. Which is fine. But I still pick up all school costs...uniforms, dinner, books, haircuts, coats, shoes, phone bills etc.

Whatever, my kids know the situation. They'll know that I put them first.

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:38

Ah they way you conveyed in your first post is that you cover 100% of everything and he pays zilch towards his children

CornishGem1975 · 07/01/2023 11:40

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:38

Ah they way you conveyed in your first post is that you cover 100% of everything and he pays zilch towards his children

I mean, he pays to feed them when they're at his house.

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 11:44

CornishGem1975 · 07/01/2023 11:40

I mean, he pays to feed them when they're at his house.

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Has he ever paid or stopped recently?

Beezknees · 07/01/2023 18:26

taxpayer1 · 06/01/2023 14:12

Does it cover all your child's expenses?

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It doesn't need to cover all of them, just half. I definitely don't spend £600 a month on my child.

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 18:33

GreyCarpet · 06/01/2023 13:10

My ex pays £400 pcm for our child. He also paid maintenance for his stepson until he turned 18. We go halves on school train pass and uniform. He also gives her pocket money (£10 pw) for personal spends.

There's no adjustment either way if she spends more or less time (overnights) with either of us.

Never gone through cms. He just worked it out based on his salary and I've not questioned it. He's told me when he's had a payrise and the maintenance has gone up accordingly.

Thee are many, many things I could criticise him for but maintenance isn't one of them.

Did you see evidence of what his salary was?

taxpayer1 · 07/01/2023 19:05

Beezknees · 07/01/2023 18:26

It doesn't need to cover all of them, just half. I definitely don't spend £600 a month on my child.

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Thanks. I just wanted to confirm that 300 was good enough for half the costs of child.

Beezknees · 07/01/2023 19:09

taxpayer1 · 07/01/2023 19:05

Thanks. I just wanted to confirm that 300 was good enough for half the costs of child.

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Probably dependent on the individual. DS is a teen so I don't have any childcare costs, and he doesn't do any hobbies. The biggest expense is feeding him! 😂

Goodgrief82 · 07/01/2023 19:11

taxpayer1 · 07/01/2023 19:05

Thanks. I just wanted to confirm that 300 was good enough for half the costs of child.

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For that child

Not my child

And when that is combined with my ex’s salary… the maintenance that drips out is multiples of £300

arethereanyleftatall · 07/01/2023 19:37

There isn't a set amount that's 'good enough' or 'half the costs'. Because it will depend on everything from the size of the house you live in, to the activities your children do, to their age.

Thingshavebecomeweird · 08/01/2023 03:47

taxpayer1 · 07/01/2023 19:05

Thanks. I just wanted to confirm that 300 was good enough for half the costs of child.

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No, ridiculous to extrapolate that. It is down to your actual costs.

Outside of school fees and my housing, the judge awarded 700 per month per ch

Goodgrief82 · 08/01/2023 06:54

@taxpayer1 surely you don’t have children? Otherwise do you honestly think “one size fits all” applies to the “cost” of a child?

taxpayer1 · 08/01/2023 14:35

Goodgrief82 · 08/01/2023 06:54

@taxpayer1 surely you don’t have children? Otherwise do you honestly think “one size fits all” applies to the “cost” of a child?

No, I don't. That is why I was asking.

Gigglechop · 08/01/2023 16:12

taxpayer1 · 08/01/2023 14:35

No, I don't. That is why I was asking.

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be sure trying to calculate monthly cost if you do have a child?

No one can possibly help you with this unless in precisely same financial boat as you and same approach to parenting

Gigglechop · 08/01/2023 16:12

Be sure should read “are you”