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Original poster

Is anyone happy with what they get for child maintenance?

162 replies

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:40

I have another thread on this and can’t link it. Feeling frustrated and deflated and like the piss is being taken. Ex has huge savings and about to give up a high paying job. So apparently our daughter has nothing from him.

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 05/01/2023 08:51

PearPickingPorky · 05/01/2023 08:22

They need to give the CMS some teeth. If fathers don't pay, then credit score gets impacted, driving licence and passport gets revoked, and ultimately, prison.

They also need to close the loopholes re job-hoppers and self-employment.

And the £7 a week needs walked up. If the dad then "can't afford to feed himself" then that's preferable to the child living in poverty, and the dad can do something about it.

If the maintenance amount is literally making the non resident parent homeless/can't feed themselves, then it helps no-one. People can't work if they don't have a home address or too hungry to work.

CMS should be taking savings onto account though when making decisions.

The problems with maintenance is one of the reasons that childcare needs to be properly subsidised. If they could do that then the Non resident parent will effectively have to pay that part through tax instead of just not paying and would help resident parents get back on the career ladder which would make them better off too.

MintJulia · 05/01/2023 08:54

I agreed a different arrangement with ex. He's a high earner and didn't want me to go to CMS. I also have a full time job.

So I keep a spreadsheet of every penny I spend on DS, send ex the spreadsheet at the end of every month and he pays me half. That includes ds's half of the electricity and water bills. It's a bit tedious but I do it automatically now. While DS was 2-3, he paid half nursery fees (reluctantly).

Since being at school, it came out at about £180 a month, but when DS got a half scholarship at an independent school, ex agreed to pay half the fees as well.

So from 11-18, ex pays about £11k a year, 80% of which is school fees.

On balance I think I've done the best I can for DS

1Wanda1 · 05/01/2023 08:57

This happened to me and I've had no child maintenance for 6 years. Fortunately now they've gone to uni, he does support them - as he's happy to give them money directly but considered any money he might have contributed to their upkeep while they were at home all the time was just money "for me".

The CMS system is a designed to facilitate non-payment/under-payment in all sorts of ways.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MintJulia · 05/01/2023 08:57

I should add that DS lives with me and goes to his dad's about 25 nights a year. I do everything.

Bepis · 05/01/2023 09:03

I get nothing and I wouldn't want anything off their dad either. Too much hassle. I did get £7 a week for 2 children but he kept complaining about not being able to afford stuff (doesn't work) so I just couldn't be bothered with the hassle.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 05/01/2023 09:07

I got around £50 weekly which was deducted from EXH pay as he refused to pay anything (he was of the opinion that since I earn more he shouldn't have to pay "my bills") and he only ever had DD overnight a handful of times a year.
Nothing now she's 18 (of course) and nothing directly to her although she's at university and I'm still financially supporting her.

Thingshavebecomeweird · 05/01/2023 09:07

We were above the threshold for CMS and went to court. 50/50

I got 2kpm plus all their school fees and clubs paid.

However, I retrained and got a good job so we ignored what was agreed after 4 years. I now get nothing and pay half school fees and we split xmas/ birthday costs in half too. And celebrate together.

It horrified me what some men get away with. It is disgusting.

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:13

£100 per child per month, he seems them 12 hours a month. It's less than what I'm owed if I went down the CMS route but he's silenced me with threats of my inheritance so I can't do anything.

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:14

Sees*

popandchoc · 05/01/2023 09:23

£400 a month for two children plus he pays half of uniform/birthday parties and buys some clothes etc. He also pays into their savings every month. I could probably do with a bit more especially with how much things are costing but compared to others it isn't bad.

Edwardwilliamnancy · 05/01/2023 09:29

I got £250 in 18 years. The csa cancelled debts years ago when they transfered to new system. Dcs dad stopped working and didn't claim benefits apparently. Then when dc turned 18 he's suddenly working again! So no I'm not happy the systemworks for the non resident parent. Dc dad has never had a relationship/cared for dc or paid for anything.
I got to the point I had to put it to one side because it was effecting my mental health. For along time I pushed for it because dc had a right to be financially supported but when I was consistently told you can't claim if dad's not earning I gave up contacting them and csa never contacted me.

Username6194 · 05/01/2023 12:15

I get nothing. Not a penny.

Ex is self employed and earns nothing on paper.

Not sure how affords the holidays and the brand new Range Rover he is driving with no income 🤔

It used to really infuriate me, but know I just get on with it.

musingsinmidlife · 05/01/2023 12:44

Most housing expenses are going to be across both households (heat, rent, utilities) so each parent should pay their own. Kids need these at both houses and parents each have to provide this to have safe housing for their child when the child is with them.

If the father is refusing to take the child for 50/50, then he can pay a slight increase for the imbalance in days but housing expenses don't decrease very much when the child isn't home (rent doesn't change and the heat / water / electric bill difference isn't major).

Child activities and expenses specific to the child should be split. Food again relative to how much time they spend at each house.

Sit down and calculate exactly how much you are spending per month only on the child. Not on things that are an expense across both homes or are an expense even when the child isn't at the home.

caroleanboneparte · 05/01/2023 12:53

Never had a penny in 18 years.

My advice to younger women is only have DCs you can afford on your own and always keep working full time.

Paramummy3 · 05/01/2023 12:57

100 a month for 2 kids.

I pay lots more than that in fees for various things

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 05/01/2023 13:02

Sit down and calculate exactly how much you are spending per month only on the child. Not on things that are an expense across both homes or are an expense even when the child isn't at the home.

I did this a few months ago. I included child related benefits that only I, as the resident parent, could claim.

IIRC his half of what was left was £141.
His contribution as assessed by the CMS? £0. Because he doesn't earn enough.
So despite the fact I also don't earn enough (unemployed due to long term sickness. But not sick enough for any extra benefits) I have to cover the full cost.

And as their mum I manage. I go without so they don't have to. After all I'm a mum, it's what we do. Yet dads can't possibly be expected to do the same.

DISCLAIMER
Not all mums not all dads. But the vast majority of NRPs are dads.

medianewbie · 05/01/2023 13:13

ExH & I separated in 2016. He just started paying child maintenance. We have 2 disabled kids whom I have 24/7. (I calculated he owes me £23k).
He now pays £380 pm for both. Very very reluctantly. It doesn't cover either the food or the utilities, let alone mortgage, school clothes/trips .. it is nowhere near half their expenses. He bought 1 a hot water bottle for Xmas & gave rhe other a piece of his Grandfather's train set (a control knob). A control knob sums it up!

SonnySideDown · 05/01/2023 13:17

Ex pays (well paid!) £180 a month for DD. She turned 18 at the end of Oct and he stopped payments immediately. I've told him he still has to provide for her as she is in full time education and he told me I could do one. Sadly for him I've gone to collect and pay so not only will he have to pay, but it will cost him 20% more for the privilege.

Ncgirlseriously · 05/01/2023 13:20

My ex gives me £80 a month, but he’s unemployed at the moment so I can’t complain. He went massively off the rails when I was pregnant and lost his job and decided to go to uni instead. He’s in his second year of uni now, I think. No idea how much he’s intending on paying when he’s out, I don’t have high hopes.

pearlearringgirl · 05/01/2023 13:24

I guess the morale of the story is not to reproduce with a bum. Seems the low earning dads get away with paying peanuts 😮

FHmama · 05/01/2023 13:29

I get £200 a month for one child. And he also pays £66 a month towards childcare costs. He has DS 4 nights a month. Could be better, could be worse.

SomePosters · 05/01/2023 13:36

Nothing, if I claimed it would be minimum deducted from benefits.

Not really worth stirring the hornets nest.

Im just glad he left us alone at this point

Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 13:50

SonnySideDown · 05/01/2023 13:17

Ex pays (well paid!) £180 a month for DD. She turned 18 at the end of Oct and he stopped payments immediately. I've told him he still has to provide for her as she is in full time education and he told me I could do one. Sadly for him I've gone to collect and pay so not only will he have to pay, but it will cost him 20% more for the privilege.

@SonnySideDown i didn’t realise this, what age does that go to? What if it’s a 7 year uni course, for instance?

OP posts:
Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 13:55

Not taking into account someone’s pay, which obviously I know in reality you need to, what do you think is fair/enough in the recent rise in cost of living for one dc where the non resident parent never sees their child? @1Wanda1 @Boooooot @caroleanboneparte @Brotherlove @FHmama @NewYearSameOldMeButFatter @MillicentTrilbyHiggins @MintJulia @musingsinmidlife @SomePosters @TheLastDreamOfTheOak @Username6194

no idea if I’ve tagged everyone!!

I think 450 is reasonable for a child up to 10 when they never see the other parent. That’s…Something towards bills and something towards fun stuff or activities. Maybe?

OP posts:
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 05/01/2023 13:57

Why do they never see them?