Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is anyone happy with what they get for child maintenance?

162 replies

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:40

I have another thread on this and can’t link it. Feeling frustrated and deflated and like the piss is being taken. Ex has huge savings and about to give up a high paying job. So apparently our daughter has nothing from him.

OP posts:
Scalottia · 05/01/2023 13:59

caroleanboneparte · 05/01/2023 12:53

Never had a penny in 18 years.

My advice to younger women is only have DCs you can afford on your own and always keep working full time.

I completely agree with this. Also, stop marrying selfish men.

Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:01

@TheLastDreamOfTheOak i wish I knew

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:02

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 04/01/2023 20:07

900 for two DS's. But I'm aware that's a high figure in terms of maintenance. Exh earns basic 150k. He also gets a large yearly bonus between 30 and 50k after tax which isnt taken into account (rightly so really-we have been divorced 7 years so it's nothing to do with me-I supported him in his early career-in fact I was the higher earner whilst he qualified for his job, so I don't feel guilty about the actual maintenance but I wouldn't touch his bonus now even if I could). I earn 30k ish.

We were meant to review the payment yearly but we never have and I've never pushed for it as I feel it's enough. I also work etc, but we live in an expensive bit of the country-so the 900 quid doesn't quite cover housing the boys. But it does mean I can manage with my salary as well.

I suppose it's not about what things cost but what the paying partner can reasonably afford. And that's an issue when it's fairly easy for them to be dishonest.

Similar ex (£170k).

I receive £1490 per month for @TheLastDreamOfTheOak

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:03

MintJulia · 05/01/2023 08:54

I agreed a different arrangement with ex. He's a high earner and didn't want me to go to CMS. I also have a full time job.

So I keep a spreadsheet of every penny I spend on DS, send ex the spreadsheet at the end of every month and he pays me half. That includes ds's half of the electricity and water bills. It's a bit tedious but I do it automatically now. While DS was 2-3, he paid half nursery fees (reluctantly).

Since being at school, it came out at about £180 a month, but when DS got a half scholarship at an independent school, ex agreed to pay half the fees as well.

So from 11-18, ex pays about £11k a year, 80% of which is school fees.

On balance I think I've done the best I can for DS

Why didn’t he?

my guess? He’s self employed and not declaring everything to Hmrc

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:04

Since being at school, it came out at about £180 a month,

half of precisely every penny you spend on your ds including utilities a month?!

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:06

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:13

£100 per child per month, he seems them 12 hours a month. It's less than what I'm owed if I went down the CMS route but he's silenced me with threats of my inheritance so I can't do anything.

What do you mean?

Biscuits1011 · 05/01/2023 14:07

Brotherlove · 04/01/2023 19:56

Once UC is claimed to 'top up wages', the payment automatically drops to £7 per week.
It's criminal it really is.

That’s not correct. Just claiming uc wouldn’t make you only pay £7 a week.
£7 a week is the base amount if you are on an income below a certain threshold or just claim benefits and don’t work. If the paying parent earns enough it will be a percentage of that.

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:09

greipfaa · 05/01/2023 13:55

Not taking into account someone’s pay, which obviously I know in reality you need to, what do you think is fair/enough in the recent rise in cost of living for one dc where the non resident parent never sees their child? @1Wanda1 @Boooooot @caroleanboneparte @Brotherlove @FHmama @NewYearSameOldMeButFatter @MillicentTrilbyHiggins @MintJulia @musingsinmidlife @SomePosters @TheLastDreamOfTheOak @Username6194

no idea if I’ve tagged everyone!!

I think 450 is reasonable for a child up to 10 when they never see the other parent. That’s…Something towards bills and something towards fun stuff or activities. Maybe?

Very arbitrary

depends entirely on ex earnings

£450 would represent me losing more than £1000 per month so no thank you

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:09

And why under 10

do you think children become less expensive as they grow older?!

NYresolutions23 · 05/01/2023 14:12

Yes im happy with mine, but haven't always in the past.
But when I kicked ex out, i always vowed not to rely on the maintenance. But thankfully he always paid on time. He doesn't pay much on top for ds though but thats OK

Brotherlove · 05/01/2023 14:26

Biscuits1011 · 05/01/2023 14:07

That’s not correct. Just claiming uc wouldn’t make you only pay £7 a week.
£7 a week is the base amount if you are on an income below a certain threshold or just claim benefits and don’t work. If the paying parent earns enough it will be a percentage of that.

Show quote history

Do you know any more info please?

The letter I received was so brief and vague from CMS. It simply said your m is dropping to £7 as ex is now claiming benefits.
The only benefit he would be eligible for would be UC to top up his low paid wages.

It's a mess. Due to confidentially they give no more information when you ring.

Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:28

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:09

And why under 10

do you think children become less expensive as they grow older?!

No, more expensive!

OP posts:
Pinksalty · 05/01/2023 14:29

£1000 p/m for 2 but he only has them 4 nights a month and is a high earner.
thinks he’s dad of the year for paying that much, but it’s the amount on the maintenance calculator. We generally go halves on bdays and christmases. The every other weekend was his choice (I’d happily let him see them more and he lives 5 mins away)

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2023 14:34

Yes, I'm happy with it. I get £1600 per month and he has them one week day night and one weekend day and night. He takes them on holidays too and buys lots of stuff for them. My exhusband has been an infinitely better and more involved father as an ex than he ever was when we were together.

MintJulia · 05/01/2023 14:39

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:04

Since being at school, it came out at about £180 a month,

half of precisely every penny you spend on your ds including utilities a month?!

Yes, that includes clothes, shoes, haircuts, activities, utilities, afterschool club, school trips & other bits and pieces but not food, because I allocate child benefit to food.

Ex, like so many men, seemed to think child payments to me were for me to spend as fun money. He hadn't a clue how much children cost to raise. So by itemising it, he realised I wasn't trying to fleece him and spend it on gin. 🙄He's stopped arguing now.

When the issue of school fees came up, he didn't mind because he pays the school, not me.

Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:41

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:09

Very arbitrary

depends entirely on ex earnings

£450 would represent me losing more than £1000 per month so no thank you

Show quote history

@Goodgrief82 what do you mean losing 1000?

OP posts:
Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:43

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2023 14:34

Yes, I'm happy with it. I get £1600 per month and he has them one week day night and one weekend day and night. He takes them on holidays too and buys lots of stuff for them. My exhusband has been an infinitely better and more involved father as an ex than he ever was when we were together.

@arethereanyleftatall he must be on a huge salary? Do you find that’s easy to provide for them on that? My dc is still a baby so I struggle to understand cost too much in the future. Obviously now dc doesn’t cost much

OP posts:
Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:45

Pinksalty · 05/01/2023 14:29

£1000 p/m for 2 but he only has them 4 nights a month and is a high earner.
thinks he’s dad of the year for paying that much, but it’s the amount on the maintenance calculator. We generally go halves on bdays and christmases. The every other weekend was his choice (I’d happily let him see them more and he lives 5 mins away)

@Pinksalty what’s his reason for not seeing them more? Mine is a career workaholic and has never met dc, it makes me very sad. He’s not even in a new relationship either so god knows what he does in any spare time, you’d think he would want to see dc

OP posts:
Original poster
greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:47

Brotherlove · 05/01/2023 14:26

Do you know any more info please?

The letter I received was so brief and vague from CMS. It simply said your m is dropping to £7 as ex is now claiming benefits.
The only benefit he would be eligible for would be UC to top up his low paid wages.

It's a mess. Due to confidentially they give no more information when you ring.

Show quote history

@Brotherlove could he have stopped work?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2023 14:56

Not a massive salary, no,@greipfaa . He's on about £150k. Or was. No idea now. That was a mistake I made during finance order. Didn't get it linked to his salary increases or cost of living: it's just a set amount till they're 18.

It's all relative. Our children live a ski-ing/ballet/piano/nice house kind of lifestyle, so it's needed. I work too, but don't earn as much so he does pay more than half their upbringing costs.

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:56

greipfaa · 05/01/2023 14:43

@arethereanyleftatall he must be on a huge salary? Do you find that’s easy to provide for them on that? My dc is still a baby so I struggle to understand cost too much in the future. Obviously now dc doesn’t cost much

Show quote history

But it’s bugger all to do with how much they “cost”

and everything to do with
who is primary carer
what is the split of nights
and what income does the NRP have in relation to the above

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:57

£1490 a month here
2 children
he has them every other weekend plus very regularly during the holidays

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 14:58

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2023 14:56

Not a massive salary, no,@greipfaa . He's on about £150k. Or was. No idea now. That was a mistake I made during finance order. Didn't get it linked to his salary increases or cost of living: it's just a set amount till they're 18.

It's all relative. Our children live a ski-ing/ballet/piano/nice house kind of lifestyle, so it's needed. I work too, but don't earn as much so he does pay more than half their upbringing costs.

Exactly the same here

wish I’d had it index linked! 😂

but he’s very good and alongside the £1490 will buy loads of uniform and contributes to childcare during the holiday when they are with me

taxpayer1 · 05/01/2023 15:04

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2023 14:56

Not a massive salary, no,@greipfaa . He's on about £150k. Or was. No idea now. That was a mistake I made during finance order. Didn't get it linked to his salary increases or cost of living: it's just a set amount till they're 18.

It's all relative. Our children live a ski-ing/ballet/piano/nice house kind of lifestyle, so it's needed. I work too, but don't earn as much so he does pay more than half their upbringing costs.

It doesn't really matter if it is linked or not. After a year, the order is useless as anyone can go to the CMS.

Grimblygrumbly · 05/01/2023 15:06

I get £180 a month for two children. Ex is in £46k and has them four times a month. Plus he and his partner were constantly telling my children how ‘much’ money their dad pays and how lucky I am that he does. He’s also tried to tell my children that he is contributing to their savings by the ‘big’ amounts he pays me 🙄