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Original poster

Have you ever fancied/ become attracted to someone with a facial disfigurement or is that something that would put you off ?

109 replies

areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:11

Absolutely no judgment on this what so ever at all so be as honest as you like. Have you ever fancied someone or gotten to know someone that has become really attractive if they have some kind of facial difference. Does some one you know have an amazing personality that outshines their disfigurement?

I'm a single male so I'm intrigued at the answers

OP posts:
WOPTF · 01/01/2023 17:15

Not the same, but usually when you get to know someone their differences can become attractive to you, or at least you become more and more attracted the more you know them, so don't see the "quirks" as being unattractive.
My dh sometimes talks about wanting veneers for his wonky, gappy teeth. They are an inherent part of him and I don't want him to change his looks. I'd support him if he truly felt it would make him happier, or more confident; but no, I do not want him to change his appearance. He is attractive to me because I love him for him.

Original poster
areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:16

Thanks for you reply. I'm really keen to to get a sense of how people think on the matter.

OP posts:
SleepyCatOnTheLap · 01/01/2023 17:18

I personally haven't fancied anyone with a facial disfigurement before because I haven't actually met any in a romantic or friendship situation. I don't know anyone with an amazing personality that their looks become irrelevant and if I did they would be friends rather than lovers. I need physical attraction for there to be romantic interest and I don't necessarily mean he has to be stereotypically good looking just attractive to me.
I knew I wanted children and not going the sperm donation route so if his disfigurement is genetic I don't think I would have been attracted but if it was a mild disfigurement doing something heroic like saving a child from fire or defended country in war and he had a nice body and personality then sure why not.

The short answer is: it depends on the disfigurement.

Original poster
areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:19

@SleepyCatOnTheLap thanks for your honest answer I appreciate that.

OP posts:
antipodeancanary · 01/01/2023 17:22

I'm attracted to Tom Burke.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/01/2023 17:22

I think with disfigurements and disabilities alike (physical disabilities I mean), means that getting to know someone means that you see them as a 'whole' so the disfigurement in and of itself wouldn't put someone off as they have gotten to know you but given dating culture in the age of apps then I can see how it would be nigh on impossible because initial connection is based on appearance. The difficulty means that getting to know someone depends on having other things in common where you could create an environment free from external pressure to 'date' so things like work, hobbies, friends of friends etc. I haven't dated someone with a facial disfigurement but I have dated someone with a disability who I got to know over the course of various friendship group outings.

disgustingtaste · 01/01/2023 17:23

I could definitely be attracted to someone with a facial disfigurement if they had all the personality qualities I was looking for. Along with other physical qualities, for example being tall (as I am tall myself)

SirVixofVixHall · 01/01/2023 17:24

I have met people who were very attractive and also had some form of disfigurement.
Also I remember watching a documentary on a man who had Treacher Collins syndrome, and thinking how attractive he was.
I am very affected by beauty in all things, but I have also experienced charisma, and how attractive people can be when not fitting conventional beauty standards. What we find beautiful and attractive in others can sometimes surprise us. And beauty ideals change with time and geography anyway.

RUNPMTS · 01/01/2023 17:25

I once knew a man with a lazy eye, not sure of the medical term. He was otherwise conventionally attractive but that definitely did put me off.

Original poster
areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:26

@disgustingtaste even if it was a v obvious one like say paralysed face? Bell's palsy

OP posts:
NeverEnoughCake2 · 01/01/2023 17:27

My DH has a facial difference (his preferred term.) We've been together for over twenty years and still fancy each other. That said, I do think a partner's personality is the key to a successful long-term relationship. I expect my DH will still be making me laugh when we're both old and wrinkly!

PauliesWalnuts · 01/01/2023 17:27

I think most people see past it, especially when you’re getting to know someone in a social setting rather than online dating where people can sometimes be a bit superficial. I’ve dated one guy with a hair lip scar, and one with accident scar, and I’ve got a port wine stain mark that peeks out from the nape of my neck. None have been an issue. They were just lovely blokes that I got on well with and wanted to get to know better. Then the more you know someone the less you notice them until you don’t actually see them at all. My current boyfriend forgot I had a port wine thing until I had to point it out again.

SirVixofVixHall · 01/01/2023 17:28

antipodeancanary · 01/01/2023 17:22

I'm attracted to Tom Burke.

Tom Burke has a beautiful face , yes. He has very minor scarring I think ?

disgustingtaste · 01/01/2023 17:29

@areyoudifferent to be honest, when you said disfigurement , I was expecting something much different.
This wouldn't bother me at all. Absolutely not at all.

Reugny · 01/01/2023 17:29

RUNPMTS · 01/01/2023 17:25

I once knew a man with a lazy eye, not sure of the medical term. He was otherwise conventionally attractive but that definitely did put me off.

I can think of two comedians with lazy eyes.

They are both married.

Divebar2021 · 01/01/2023 17:29

The only person I’ve known with a facial disfigurement was a lady and that had a medical condition not an injury. ( if that makes a difference) If I say it was extremely bad but I always admired her greatly because she worked in a public facing role. I’ve known people with scars on other parts of the body which they were very self conscious about were not very obvious to me. Someone with a scar or burn on the face would not bother me particularly but I’m not sure if it was a bloke with a very severe condition whether it might. As much as I like to think I’m not that shallow it might be that I am.

SleepyCatOnTheLap · 01/01/2023 17:29

@antipodeancanary Tom Burke?? Come on now! Are you serious? I googled this man just his name initially and couldn't see a disfigurement. I added disfigurement and it came up he had cleft palate.
Joaquin Phoenix was very hot young and he had a cleft palate because he is hardly disfigured by it and women tend to like a sexy scar on a man.

I don't think op means a healed and fixed disfigurement, I think op means a disfigurement that surgey can't fix. Am I right op? @areyoudifferent

HopefullyBePregnantViaIUI · 01/01/2023 17:29

Hey.

My wife has a facial disfigurement. She was born with a massive cystic hygroma on the right handside of her face and had to go through many many operations, fat tissue was used from her thigh and placed onto her face. However, as an adult she has minimal fat tissue on the right hand side of her face and scarring due to the operations. Many people misjudge it as being a 'burn'. I didnt notice this one bit when we met years ago, yes I could see a difference but I never asked until she told me herself. To be honest it wouldnt have mattered to me as she was/is beautiful despite this :) people still stare at her, I notice it but she doesn't.. Xx

StupidStupidStupidStupidStupid · 01/01/2023 17:31

I will echo pp. It’s all in the personality.

A lovely personality is what makes you attractive, it’s shines through.
A conventionally attractive person could actually be very ugly due to their personality.

Original poster
areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:31

@Divebar2021 that's interesting about the woman. Was she very conscious/ shy about her face or was she embracing it? I'm always keen to hear other peoples thoughts

OP posts:
antipodeancanary · 01/01/2023 17:32

Cleft lip and the facial features that often accompany it. But great looking. Op if it is Bell's palsy, you are aware it is extremely likely to resolve?

Kendodd · 01/01/2023 17:32

No I wouldn't.

Although, when I was about 20, I got to know a much older man, age about 65. There was no romance or anything between us, my boyfriend at the time worked for him. Anyway, me and this old man got on really well, he was so knowledgeable, educated and well travelled and seemed to know everything about everything. I remember thinking that I can really see now why a young woman would be attracted to a much older man.

I think being honest most women wouldn't be instantly attracted to someone with a facial disfigurement, this doesn't mean they couldn't be attracted to them after getting to know them though. I think you probably know all this already though.

SleepyCatOnTheLap · 01/01/2023 17:33

I think I'd be ok with Bell's Palsy I would get used to how they communicate I was thinking a much more severe disfigurement such as nose completely off or large tumor growth all over the face. Lazy eyes or Bells palsy is not an automatic disqualifier.

Original poster
areyoudifferent · 01/01/2023 17:33

@SleepyCatOnTheLap yes. I ment a disfiguremen that can't be healed or hidden

OP posts:
Frankley · 01/01/2023 17:34

Have you read the book 'Wonder ' by rj Palacio? I think it is meant as a children's book but l got a lot from it as an adult, as have others I've recommended it to.
It certainly made me think. Personality is what matters.