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Original poster

Family ‘heirloom’ wwyd

83 replies

Holliegee · 31/12/2022 12:09

Just wanting perspective.
FIL (ex) to whom I was very close.
He has since passed away but my ex didn’t tell me, he had quite a prolific career and extensive travelled past - part of his ‘history’ included a v expensive (at the time) watch.
His son (my ex) always wanted the watch but his Father would never give it to him - anyway over the years we had 3 sons - Grandad promised the watch to the eldest grandson, managed to get hold of a very similar watch for second grandson which he allowed his son to wear until grandson would be old enough to have it - 3rd grandson arrived -grandad has dementia and no thought about watches for him as his own father wasn’t even bothered with him - yet dementia ridden grandad adores him.

So, me and the children’s father split up.
He quite literally left me in lots of debt etc etc and emptied the house of anything valuable including my jewellery.

However, I discover that somehow he’d managed to take the watch (the original one from his father) and he left it hidden !!!
He has never said anything about it I presume he doesn’t know where it is - however going with Grandads wishes the watch now belongs to my adult eldest son to whom it was promised.

however

eldest son for whatever reason, perhaps having lived with a narcissistic father, perhaps he himself having narcissist tendencies has not behaved very well - lots has since happened and unfortunately he no longer chooses to speak to me or his younger brother (I don’t want to bad mouth him and I hope one day it will reconcile, however he is prone to financial abuse and emotional
abuse very similar to his father)

well here’s the crux …… I’ve got the bloody watch - what do I do with it??

wait until one day he returns (he is abroad) although he doesn’t know I have it.

or

give it to youngest son??

middle son is also estranged and in contact with his Dad who has told him he gets his watch when he dies (when the dad dies the son inherits the watch).

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 31/12/2022 12:17

So, there’s 1 watch, which officially belongs to your eldest son.

You are estranged from him.

Everyone thinks the watch is long gone.

Is that right?

Newlifestartingatlast · 31/12/2022 12:22

You do exactly what gf will states. To do something else is breaking the law.
if you don’t know where the beneficiary is living or in contact with him, then ok hold onto it
ifvyou don’t know the will contents and probate was completed then get a copy - it’s public info .
Alternatively the watch to the executor of the Will
if there was no will and it was just word of mouth son would get watch- put it somewhere safe and hope you reconcile with your eldest again at some point.

QueenSmartypants · 31/12/2022 12:24

Newlifestartingatlast · 31/12/2022 12:22

You do exactly what gf will states. To do something else is breaking the law.
if you don’t know where the beneficiary is living or in contact with him, then ok hold onto it
ifvyou don’t know the will contents and probate was completed then get a copy - it’s public info .
Alternatively the watch to the executor of the Will
if there was no will and it was just word of mouth son would get watch- put it somewhere safe and hope you reconcile with your eldest again at some point.

This

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/12/2022 12:25

Sell the watch and give to 3 grandsons or put in an account until they reconcile with you.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 31/12/2022 12:27

It’s not yours to give to another son. How old is your oldest? If an adult then give him his property. You have no rights to it. The very fact you’re considering giving his property away and all the surrounding trouble that would cause, I don’t think it’s your oldest son that’s at fault in your rift.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 31/12/2022 12:30

Just realised you’re also estranged from your middle son. Reinforces my belief that you’re the problem. Just give the poor kids their own property.

Jux · 31/12/2022 12:32

A verbal promise when ds1 was how old, still a child? GF didn't like his own son and so by-passed him, assuming his gs would grow up to be a better man and more deserving?

Pedallleur · 31/12/2022 12:34

It belongs to the person it was willed to. Do the right thing. What is the watch btw?

LaurieFairyCake · 31/12/2022 12:35

If there's a will follow the will

If no will, sell it and pay off any remaining debt and enjoy the money

  • Rolex's on EBay go for a really good price as they are authenticated when they go over £1000 so there is loads of buyer security
FrankTheCondor · 31/12/2022 12:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

shiningstar2 · 31/12/2022 12:36

If the watch has always been promised to eldest by his grandad he is going to be massively hurt if you give it to someone else or sell it and that will make any estrangement even worse. The fact of the wishes of his grandad is entirely separate from his current behaviour. The watch is not yours to dispose of in any way except the way the original owner of the watch, his grandad, wished.

FrankTheCondor · 31/12/2022 12:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

gamerchick · 31/12/2022 12:37

It's not yours. Keep it safe until the time comes

NoSquirrels · 31/12/2022 12:37

LaurieFairyCake · 31/12/2022 12:35

If there's a will follow the will

If no will, sell it and pay off any remaining debt and enjoy the money

  • Rolex's on EBay go for a really good price as they are authenticated when they go over £1000 so there is loads of buyer security

I agree with this.

If the will says don’t (your ex) it’s his.
If the will says eldest grandson, it’s his.

If there was nothing specific, sell the damn thing and split the money 3 ways between sons. Do not mention the watch at all.

RedHelenB · 31/12/2022 12:38

Newlifestartingatlast · 31/12/2022 12:22

You do exactly what gf will states. To do something else is breaking the law.
if you don’t know where the beneficiary is living or in contact with him, then ok hold onto it
ifvyou don’t know the will contents and probate was completed then get a copy - it’s public info .
Alternatively the watch to the executor of the Will
if there was no will and it was just word of mouth son would get watch- put it somewhere safe and hope you reconcile with your eldest again at some point.

This.

RedHelenB · 31/12/2022 12:39

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/12/2022 12:25

Sell the watch and give to 3 grandsons or put in an account until they reconcile with you.

The one person the watch definitely doesn't belong to is the OP. So she can't do that.

CrapBucket · 31/12/2022 12:39

Just keep it somewhere safe and do nothing. Life is too short to allow a watch to make or break relationships.

Original poster
Holliegee · 31/12/2022 12:50

Thankyou for the positive comments.
it’s my intention to just keep the watch until eldest son comes home or makes contact.

For those of you with very little information who made a judgement about me - you really should be proud of yourself - how to make someone feel like shit must be your forte!!

For what it’s worth - I was beaten and emotionally and physically abused for many years by a man much older than me (I was a 17 year old orphan when I met him) my eldest son lived through this and has now distanced himself from his family at various points, my middle son left to live with his father at 18 because I wouldn’t allow drugs and expected him to go to college and his father was rich (due to grandads money) and funded his habits - he actually came home trashed the house and beat his younger brother and hit me so much so the neighbours heard and called the police.

So now I’m a little stronger ds3 is at uni and I’m working and rebuilding my life - I came back to Mumsnet and realise what vipers some of you really are.

OP posts:
pinneddownbytabbies · 31/12/2022 12:55

Put the watch in a safe deposit box at the bank. In your will, say where the watch is, and that it was bequeathed by the grandfather to his eldest grandson. Explain that the watch has been stored at the bank for safekeeping due to its value, and that it belongs to your DS and is not part of your estate.

Your executor can then deal with it.

maximist · 31/12/2022 12:57

LaurieFairyCake · 31/12/2022 12:35

If there's a will follow the will

If no will, sell it and pay off any remaining debt and enjoy the money

  • Rolex's on EBay go for a really good price as they are authenticated when they go over £1000 so there is loads of buyer security

This. Or just deny all knowledge of it - if your ex knew where it was he would have taken it along with the rest, so obviously it isn't in your possession...

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 31/12/2022 13:00

Who is the executor of the granddad's estate - surely the watch should be passed to that person?

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 13:11

Sell it and keep the money. Fuck all that eldest son shit.

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 13:12

Provided there is. I will of course mentioning it

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 13:13

'Isn't a will mentioning it'. You bloody well deserve the money.

Beamur · 31/12/2022 13:19

I'd put it back in the drawer and close it. It sounds like resolving this situation is more trouble than it's worth.

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