Best responses to "we did it my day and child is fine"

[Wowzers12]

New mum here - getting fed up of the generations above me (my mum, DH mum and Aunt) making comments like "we did it in my day and my children are all fine" about things to do with my DD that are now advised against by NHS, professionals etc.

Or the other way around, for example BLW - "all mine had purées and were fine"

What's a good response to this that shuts the conversation down without losing my s*?

www.food.gov.uk/research/food-allergy-and-intolerance-research/eat-study-early-introduction-of-allergenic-foods-to-induce-tolerance

On the weaning thing. The dogged adherence to 6m almost certainly increases allergies.

Babies the spend too long on their backs or srapped into a car seat have delayed motor development (average age of walking has increased and is youngercin cultures where they don't do this) and plaigencephaly (flat head symdrome) has increased, was extremely rare in the '50's.

Mainstream child rearing practice lags about 5 years behind the reasearch who knows what we will be doing in 2040.

I had this the other day from my Mum and I’m on my third child!

it was over car seats and I’d said something about stopping on a hour drive with my newborn. She’d said about how it’s ridiculous as there was never a time restriction on car seats for us and we’re fine. I just return with “oh, is that back when smoking wasn’t bad for you too?” 😏

That is funny. My babies loved using a spoon or their hands. What has changed that babies don’t like using a spoon?
however I do notice that when we go out for a meal young people can’t use cutlery. Just ask a teacher - so many kids have to shown how to use a knife and fork at school as their parents haven’t taught them.

Different children? DS happily took to spoon and held it himself (one for him and one for me) from about 5m. Dd would have no truck whatsoever with spoon feeding but happily fed herself with her fingers from a similar age. TBH Dd still occasionally needs to be reminded to use cutlery at 16....

Sometimes advice goes round in circles.

In the early 70s, my grandmother was horrified when mum had us sleeping on our fronts. She told my mum we’d suffocate. Mum told her that was just an old wives’ tale, and that we were safer on out tums. Of course, we know now that ‘back to sleep’ is safer.

Going back even further, my grandmother’s generation thought the idea that German measles in pregnancy could lead to disability was an old wives’ tale.

I think the main reason that older people do this is they perceive new parents doing things differently as a judgement or slight on how they did things, when that's not the case. I felt my MIL took some of the stuff I did personally, like rearward facing, using sleeping bags etc. I'd never mentioned anything about guidelines or back in the day until she did so I found it all upsetting to deal with.
I'd just respond with 'yes you did a lovely job mum (mil etc), I'm just trying to follow guidance'.

If that's the level of suggestions, listen, blw is a trend, fad - in many countries it isn't the norm and it doesn't work for all children. Nothing stopping you doing a bit of both anyway. Purées were the norm, my kids are fine! They are correct in that.

Obviously a few things have been discovered eg sleeping on backs rather than tummies but otherwise the older generation just might have some ideas for you

@FourTeaFallOut

It is, I've seen the number broken down. There's also more babies born with congenital issues (heart, genetic etc) that live past 1 so don't appear in the numbers now.

Decrease in child mortality isn't down to baby led weaning! That sort of thing comes under styles and trends, it's simply a choice.

@IneedanewTV
For DD I think a dislike of the spoon was related to medical issues meaning we had been putting syringes in her mouth twice a day since 6 weeks and she was very good at fighting them. So anything we wanted to put in her mouth was an automatic no.
At 10m she is fine with the spoon now but it took about 3m of her pure hand feeding to get there

How old are these parents/in-laws?! Surely no older than in their 60s? Some of their views are archaic!

My child is 3 and my in laws are in their 80's

My dd was rushed to hospital with breathing issues and her symptoms were very subtle. I remember trying to tell mil and she cut me of off with a swift ", I did manage to get mine through illness you know" and drove off.
She also wouldn't listen to nappies and her eyes glazed over when I said DD ran home crying for her nappy to go on.
I wish I had said that 80s fact about mortality and Sid's etc.

Say, the advice then was for children to sleep on their side/tummy and now it's on their back. Cot deaths have massively reduced. Advice changes...hard stare.

This

Tbh a lot of modern and old advice is crap. DS2 was BLW and ate like a trooper. Now at 9 he has the worst diet ever. So picky. DD had porridge and purées spoon fed, and eats reasonably.

Ah bless. Glad your DD is ok now.

I've done my research and I'm happy with my choices.

yes this. Or, if they’re really fucking annoying,

“True.

For now. “

Wow!! Not even the fact there are so many more cars on the road!

I would say …. Yes well we used to stone people too here and cut off their hands as well. Cadit quastio

All interesting responses, and the generational variations are fascinating.
Someone upthread made a link between feeding an infant baby rice and coeliac disease - I'm wondering is that a known thing or is it anecdotal speculation?
And then that made me wonder ( after another OP commented that she suspected her allergies were related to what she was fed as a child)about the recent massive increases in asthma /eczema /serious food allergies /autism . I know some of it is down to better diagnostics, but that doesn't account for all of it, and you would think that given all the health advice disseminated these days that there would be far fewer illnesses/diseases/health issues than there actually are.
My evidence is only anecdotal, but I notice that in the school I work in there are about 5/6 children per year group with allergies that require medication/close monitoring, which is way more than there used to be. Any thoughts?

Children with really bad allergies just used to die

@Notanotherusername4321

Just out of interest, what year and country are you referring too? I've never heard anyone say breast feeding is unhygienic and unscientific...

I was corrected on the coeliac /early rice comment.
An old book I was passed on had a page on washing your breasts before each feed 😂

Someone upthread made a link between feeding an infant baby rice and coeliac disease - I'm wondering is that a known thing or is it anecdotal speculation?

It's bollocks