Best responses to "we did it my day and child is fine"

[Wowzers12]

New mum here - getting fed up of the generations above me (my mum, DH mum and Aunt) making comments like "we did it in my day and my children are all fine" about things to do with my DD that are now advised against by NHS, professionals etc.

Or the other way around, for example BLW - "all mine had purées and were fine"

What's a good response to this that shuts the conversation down without losing my s*?

Smile and nod.

And then remember the moment in 20-30 years time when you are advising your daughter/DIL about their PFB.

My mum has made a few comments like this, she has now said herself she thinks the modern way is better as she can see the grandkids are ready for food rather than when she weaned us at four months. She said it used to be such a struggle.

“Are they? 🤨”

It’s not all good now though is it. Do I would just smile and say Thank you but things have moved on.

Where things have gone backwards-
screen time - my opticians says he is seeing a lot of very young children needing glasses because they stare at phones too much; I hate seeing little ones in a restaurant with their parents but the kids/babies are looking at films. We took colouring books, toys, uno and played with our kids. Would I comment - no.

see I’m sure that paragraph has annoyed peeps as ultimately each generation is trying their best on the info they have. So just smile and move on.

My health visitor suggested saying ‘Research is progressive’ my son is 9 and daughter 7 and have trotted out that line many a time! From experience, I’d stick to one saying and just repeat it every time. Ideally change the subject to avoid being drawn in to a debate!

Send them links to relevant articles, statistics, etc

The world is a much different place now

When my parents were children nobody locked their doors and young children could happily go off and play and parents wouldn't worry about them being abducted and abused

I do think current generations have more access to resources though- pre internet you were relying on dr’s and the odd baby advice book, with no real way of checking if what they said was right.

I still see it in my mum’s deference to “the doctor”- even when my babies were young she would advise me to “ask the doctor” for every little thing- from runny poo (normal in bf babies) to feeding too often (normal in bf babies) to crying, to wanting to be held and not settling in a cot. “The doctor can have a look and tell you what to do”.

nowadays there are many great websites like kellymom, mumsnet etc where you can get advice and corroborate any other advice given.

Oh I know but it definitely increases the chance of gut issues. Our generation have a lot of these. We'll see in year to come what the comparison is like.

That's a bit ageist, you will be doing that one day.
However, I'm 60 and my sister is a lot younger than me and I certainly don't say that to her, I just let her get on with it.
i reassure her when needed with her new baby but I don't give advice.

Take an interest in why it's different. They explain why to them. Often is interesting.

Fruit purées for example are packed full of sugar and because they are blended the sugar is very quickly absorbed. Whilst it is easy, it's not supposed to be very nutritionally balanced to get so much carbs at a young age because the body isn't used to it. So for healthy food habits they suggest avoiding large quantities of sugar. Whilst it probably doesn't hurt too much to have too much sugar, a good relationship with food early on reduces chances of childhood obesity.

If it's interesting to them, then they have their answer and will prevent it being repeated.

If they find it boring, it might make them think twice before giving you advice because they know they will get a lecture.

Win win

Until very recently (perhaps even in the last ten - twelve years) pregnant women were told to avoid eating peanuts and peanut butter during pregnancy as it increased the likelihood of their babies being born with a nut allergy. This was standard advice from the late '90s to mid-noughties.

That advice has now been withdrawn entirely - the reverse has actually been shown to be true.

Yet, the pregnant woman in 2007 would have been rolling her eyes at her mother saying "well we all ate peanut butter in the '80s and you were fine!"

A little bit of humility and understanding from all sides would go a long way.

I must admit I have to bite my tongue with my eldest daughter. Her youngest is 10-12 weeks and her older one 2y2 months. All we've had for two years is i"ts a stage two developmental leap" or " he's not sleeping as it's a sleep regression."

They are babies, they haven't read your manuals. They are doing exactly the same as they have been doing for ever 😂🤷🏼‍♀️.

I do think it's good that weaning isn't rushed, and I agree with breastfeeding where possible etc. better car seat safety etc but some of it is just crazy. Now you can't make bottles up in batches, they must be done fresh, with boiling water, on demand. It kills me watching my grandson getting all screamy and full of wind waiting 20 minutes while it's cooling but The Guidance Knows Best. If I had a baby tomorrow, I'd be doing it exactly the way I did it with my first 4 !

You can make them up in advance tho? You just have to mix in the formula at a certain temperature but then you can store them once cooled, as I understood it. (Disclaimer, mostly bf so didn't actually do this myself) I am sure someone else will confirm or disagree!

"Research is always being carried out and safer ways to do things being discovered" or words to that effect.

It kills me watching my grandson getting all screamy and full of wind waiting 20 minutes while it's cooling but The Guidance Knows Best. If I had a baby tomorrow, I'd be doing it exactly the way I did it with my first 4 !

perfect prep machine means the bottle is the correct temperature

my dd1 wasn’t keen when I mentioned it, so I shut up quick. Within 2 weeks she purchased a second hand machine ( she breast fed till 6 months) she loves it

To quote Mama Dr Jones "You do the best you can with the information you have at the time."

This is what we did. There is a limit on how long you can keep it: 2hrs out the fridge, 4hrs with ice packs and 12hrs in the fridge I think.

Oh good Cuwins, I felt sure that was ok. The high temp kills the bacteria that caused a lot of (serious?) illness sk you can no longer mix the formula with pre cooled water but pre made when hot is fine. Your DD will be thrilled with your info glasshole ;)

Like the others above I just use a version of "Sure they're always changing the advice, I'm sure she'll be doing purees with her baby".

keep it light, at some point you'll want their advice.

Yes! And in the 2000s!

Surely the eye rollers can understand that their current best way of doing something will be out of date in a decade or two, and some of them may even be deemed dangerous. So no need for anyone to feel too superior!

"I must have missed the part where it was any of your business."

Would you actually bother to do that? Surely you'd just nod and carry on doing it your way. Who has time or inclination for schooling people who grew up in a time when the advice was diferent?

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair
I didn't send my mum links (that's beyond her tech abilities I think!) but I certainly looked up the why's and figures and discussed with her.

1. it was interesting for both of us,
2. It ended the debate when I could list the drop in SIDS since the sleeping on the back advice
3. I can be sure she will follow it when she is looking after DD if she understands why

Get a box of this out and start scattering it around.