Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

MIL comment playing in my head

88 replies

Teddybear00 · 25/12/2022 02:57

Just for contex me & MIL have a good relationship and she's very open to tell me everything. I recently went back to work after being on mat leave and myself and DH considered a nanny just for 2x day a week.

I won't say how MIL knows the potential nanny as it may give away a lot but I had suggested the nanny look after DB while I am at work & DH WFH as one of us need to be around baby.

However, MIL calls me and she's like I don't think you should leave the nanny alone in a house with my DH and she doesn't think it's a good idea. She made comments that she's not ugly etc.

I can't help but think is she trying to say I am not not enough and this girl will turn my DH head. I know she had 0 bad intentions in her heart to upset me and know in her mind she's 'doing me a favour'.

Am I overthinking too much or how would you approach that.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 25/12/2022 02:59

Tell her you’re married and anyway we’re in a monogamous relationship so it’s not an issue

Summer2424 · 25/12/2022 03:11

Hi @Teddybear00 i can understand how a comment like that from your MIL can be upsetting. My MIL said the ex was so beautiful, i was like ok thanks for that information!
It's hard but i just ignore it, i do vent about it to my Mum though which makes me feel a whole lot better! x

Noresto · 25/12/2022 03:18

Very silly comment but I don't think she meant it as you are less attractive than her

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 25/12/2022 04:03

When you say MiL "knows the nanny" could she know something you don't?
Could there be more to her remark than is apparent?
Just a thought.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 25/12/2022 04:06

I just realised that sounds like MiL knows something about your DH - I meant maybe the nanny has caused upset somewhere else, not that MiL thinks your DH would stray! rd
it's late and I've been at the mulled wine, so not explaining properly!

lifeinthehills · 25/12/2022 04:17

Can you ask MIL why she said that? Does she have little confidence in her own son? Is there something about the nanny? It seems a strange thing to say so I'd just ask her why I shouldn't leave my husband alone with the nanny.

lurkinglittleladybug · 25/12/2022 06:27

Sounds like she knows something… I would get a new nanny 🤔

Mummysatthebodyshop · 25/12/2022 06:31

I do think regardless of trust you're creating a perfect setting for something to occur. I'm definitely not one to think if aan goes out he strays but being alone the two of them in the home day in day out will create an intimacy between them. I wouldn't do it.

TimeForMeToF1y · 25/12/2022 07:15

It sounds like she knows the nanny has previous for trying it on with married m

If you have a nanny why does one of you need to stay at home for the baby, is DB your brother? I don't get the set up?

Pismascrescents · 25/12/2022 07:33

It’s her insecurities though. Also, a few widely publicised stories. Nobody mentions the many happy families where nothing happens because that’s not newsworthy. Trust yourself OP

Holly60 · 25/12/2022 07:56

I think she is just saying that she isn't sure one man and one woman working in close proximity to each other on the daily is a good idea.

I'm pretty sure there have been examples in the media of men ending up having affairs with the nanny.

To be honest when I really think about it im not sure how comfortable I'd be with an attractive nanny in the house with my DH all the time. And im aware how that sounds but im also a realist. These things do happen and there is no point denying it.

It sounds like your MIL loves you and is worried about a risk to your marriage. She clearly is looking out for you.

Original poster
Teddybear00 · 25/12/2022 09:33

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 25/12/2022 04:03

When you say MiL "knows the nanny" could she know something you don't?
Could there be more to her remark than is apparent?
Just a thought.

No she doesn't know her on a personal level like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teddybear00 · 25/12/2022 09:35

Mummysatthebodyshop · 25/12/2022 06:31

I do think regardless of trust you're creating a perfect setting for something to occur. I'm definitely not one to think if aan goes out he strays but being alone the two of them in the home day in day out will create an intimacy between them. I wouldn't do it.

My mum said the same thing but in a jokey way and I guess my MIL was saying the same but it's the comment 'she's not ugly' that just made me think what are you trying to imply

OP posts:
Original poster
Teddybear00 · 25/12/2022 09:36

TimeForMeToF1y · 25/12/2022 07:15

It sounds like she knows the nanny has previous for trying it on with married m

If you have a nanny why does one of you need to stay at home for the baby, is DB your brother? I don't get the set up?

She doesn't know her on a personal level. DB is abbreviated for dear baby.

OP posts:
IWishIWasABaller · 25/12/2022 09:39

I'd assume she was trying to hint at something or maybe knows something that I don't , be it about the nanny or her son ? But then I'm a naturally suspicious person so I could be way off

Original poster
Teddybear00 · 25/12/2022 09:40

Holly60 · 25/12/2022 07:56

I think she is just saying that she isn't sure one man and one woman working in close proximity to each other on the daily is a good idea.

I'm pretty sure there have been examples in the media of men ending up having affairs with the nanny.

To be honest when I really think about it im not sure how comfortable I'd be with an attractive nanny in the house with my DH all the time. And im aware how that sounds but im also a realist. These things do happen and there is no point denying it.

It sounds like your MIL loves you and is worried about a risk to your marriage. She clearly is looking out for you.

I honestly just didn't even think of it that way, as I would of been putting a lot of trust in DH that he wouldn't do something so cruel especially with someone looking after our baby. However, I can definitely see what you mean. My mum said the same thing in a jokey manner and like I said I have a good relationship with MIL so I know she's definitely trying to look out for me and my marriage but it was just that silly comment that just put other ideas in my head that weren't initially there.

OP posts:
brusselspout · 25/12/2022 09:43

Hmm yes I was introduced to DH colleague new girlfriend and when I asked her how they met she said "oh, I was his nanny". He had left his wife for her 🤨

It does happen and I think my mum and MIL would also have that attitude. It's not a reflection on your looks or anything else so I wouldn't take it like that

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2022 09:44

Why does one of you need to be around for the baby? That’s exactly what your nanny is for - to look after the baby.

brusselspout · 25/12/2022 09:44

"I was the nanny" I probably should've said 😂

CatherinedeBourgh · 25/12/2022 09:49

I think I would answer that if dh is so fickle that I can't trust him with someone who is taking care of my child, I'd rather know before having any more children with him, so it will be a good test.

I hate the notion that men should be 'sheltered from temptation'. But then I'd rather be on my own than with someone who is with me only because he doesn't have another alternative available.

mincepiepie · 25/12/2022 09:50

If you have a nanny why does he need to wfh?

Have you told you husband what his mother said?

How does she know her but not on a personal level. Do you me she knows of her but hasn't personally engaged?

WandaWonder · 25/12/2022 09:52

Sure odd comment but just because someone makes an odd comment doesnt make it a premonition

It's only a thing if you make it one

WafflesOrIceCream · 25/12/2022 09:52

I don't think she meant to say anything about your looks but more that the nanny is good looking and it's not wise to leave your DH alone with her.She probably knows something.

mincepiepie · 25/12/2022 09:53

It's a really weird thing to say actually.

I THINK she is just referring to a prejudiced view that men can be trusted around women OR than nanny's can't be trusted around men.

Is she usually bigoted?

WafflesOrIceCream · 25/12/2022 09:54

OP can you WFH instead of your husband whilst the nanny is there?

Swipe left for the next trending thread