MIL comment playing in my head

[Teddybear00]

Just for contex me & MIL have a good relationship and she's very open to tell me everything. I recently went back to work after being on mat leave and myself and DH considered a nanny just for 2x day a week.

I won't say how MIL knows the potential nanny as it may give away a lot but I had suggested the nanny look after DB while I am at work & DH WFH as one of us need to be around baby.

However, MIL calls me and she's like I don't think you should leave the nanny alone in a house with my DH and she doesn't think it's a good idea. She made comments that she's not ugly etc.

I can't help but think is she trying to say I am not not enough and this girl will turn my DH head. I know she had 0 bad intentions in her heart to upset me and know in her mind she's 'doing me a favour'.

Am I overthinking too much or how would you approach that.

I get that but that doesn't necessarily have to mean he will cheat. I think she was implying women from her culture (where the nanny is from) could use that an opportunity being alone with my DH. I don't know I guess one comment can mean a lot of things. If she worded it differently like I don't think it's a good idea for a married man to be alone in an intimate setting with another woman bla bla but adding she's ugly can be offending ti myself and actually to the nanny also. She's a lovely person from when I've text with her and she has a boyfriend.

She probably heard on the local grapevine that the nanny shagged the husband she previously worked for. Don't think your looks come into it but maybe work on your self-confidence.

If you are working from home you are not looking after your kids. You still need childcare!

Maybe MIL's DH cheated?

Maybe FIL is dodgy, she probably thinks she's giving you good advice. I'd not take it personally

My immediate response to the MIL would have been to say “Do you really have such a low opinion of your own son?”.

Then I would have been concerned about her prejudiced views in relation to a professional woman.

Only as a possible afterthought would my mind have gone to “she thinks I’m not enough for her son”.

My first husband had an affair with the Au pair it happens more than you might know.

I thought it may be best she support my DH instead as she's looked after other babies before and she could help him more than she would help me etc.

You say “help”- Are you expecting your DH to have primary care responsibility for the child while (a) he is supposed to be working and (b) the nanny is there?

And hasn’t your DH also looked after his other children as babies?

Also it’s not clear from your posts- have you only returned to work 2 days a week or will you also be WFH without nanny there and trying simultaneously to do full time childcare?

I think it probably happens less often than people think.

I was a 19 year-old au pair. I hung about with other 19 year old au pairs. Precisely none of us were shagging our employers. Not one even mentioned jokingly that our employer was hot (because they were not).

I have several friends in professional couples who have au pairs. None of them have shagged then either. It’s a tired cliché.

What kind of nanny would be satIsfied with a job that involves helping the father of the baby out when he has a call? That's surely a ruinously expensive luxury

Will this be the nanny's only job?

Tbh it sounds like an unusual set up all rounf

Don’t do it OP, my neighbours hired an au pair, the husband worked from home. It didn’t end well

I do know of a couple of close friends whose husbands got a little bit close to their au pairs/nannies - so mine have never been that attractive…(the ones who have lived in.

When I left my dh buisness I was careful who I employed to replace me. I don't think that is unreasonable.

Both full time & 2x a day in office and rest from home.

Does your employer know that you are WFH and caring for your baby at the same time? That is not acceptable to most employers, with good reason.

She's been watching too much television, but I don't think she meant this critically of you. Presumably she doesn't have inside information that her son was a bit wild in his youth?

She's not implying anything about you. She's implying that she doesn't trust her son.

This.

It happens so often.
Find a nursery instead

I wouldnt want my dp working from home with a hot female nanny. Its too cosy.
I think you have to be realistic. Theres no such thing as a type that cheats and a type that wouldnt. Id put baby with a childminder instead

Maybe mil is speaking from experience. Maybe fil has cheated.

I agree with you. I hate how weak society portrays men as if they can't hold off being alone with a woman without cheating. This is how trust issues form.

Gosh, you do sound naive. I think trust issues form from people being cheated on.

Honestly I am struggling with your mindset. I never said because your mil basically said he would didn’t mean he would

its nothing to do with are you good enough, no one here is saying he will cheat.

literally we are all trying to help you; she’s said don’t leave him alone as she’s attractive and he will possibly cheat. Doesn’t mean he will. Doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.

why are you struggling so hard to comprehend what she said. It’s nit complex. It doesn’t mean she’s right. But it doesn’t take a genius to understand it. We are strangers and we can understand what she meant, and even with us all explaining it you are still struggling to understand it.

it’s very odd

@Beercrispsandnuts promise I am not struggling at all or getting upset. I am not stupid, I can read and understand what everyone is saying. I know there was no bad intentions from my mil and can understand why she may have commented given stories of when it's happened to others and her own experience. I know it's nothing complex and I'm not losing sleep over it. If I had a bad relationship with MIL I'd probably struggle to accept she wasn't trying to put things in my head. However, we get on and like I said in a previous post it's very possible she just spoke without thinking and that comment just made me go oh and was curious what others would make of it.

There is nothing odd here.

It is quite unfair that you would choose to pre judge the nanny based on her culture and that she might have pre determined form for trying it in with her customers whilst at work. It's also misogynistic.

And it's totally inappropriate to plan to WFH and have childcare responsibilities. You get a nanny because you need to work, full stop.

Firstly, I wasn't judging her based on her culture. It's something my MIL mentioned as she's from the same culture and doesn't necessarily mean she will do bad because she's x place. There is more to this nanny then what I've shared which is why the culture thing was even mentioned but I'm not going to go further.

Also, your opinion on how WFH and childcare should be for me and my child is not valid at all. You don't know my set up at work and how my hours are done. Gosh I couldn't imagine having you as a colleague with a mindset like that. So close minded.