MIL comment playing in my head

[Teddybear00]

Just for contex me & MIL have a good relationship and she's very open to tell me everything. I recently went back to work after being on mat leave and myself and DH considered a nanny just for 2x day a week.

I won't say how MIL knows the potential nanny as it may give away a lot but I had suggested the nanny look after DB while I am at work & DH WFH as one of us need to be around baby.

However, MIL calls me and she's like I don't think you should leave the nanny alone in a house with my DH and she doesn't think it's a good idea. She made comments that she's not ugly etc.

I can't help but think is she trying to say I am not not enough and this girl will turn my DH head. I know she had 0 bad intentions in her heart to upset me and know in her mind she's 'doing me a favour'.

Am I overthinking too much or how would you approach that.

There's been enough stories about this happening that she's probably thinking about that, rather than it being a reflection on you. Ethan Hawke, Jude Law and Gavin Rossdale are the first names that spring to mind.

Are you genuinely suggesting that?

Maybe also add it to the job interview questions
'Have you plans to sleep with my husband?'
No!!!!! That was not a real suggestion

The idea anyone thinks there is merit to this is ncredibly insulting to the nanny at best

People really do have issues

Mayb husbands should be allowed to go to work?

This says absolutely nothing about you and is all about what is inside her mind.

Ask her why she thinks she has raised a son who is so weak that he could be tempted into breaking, even forced to break their marriage vows, against their own will

Such nonsense.

It's always better to have wisdom in these situations. It's no reflection on your dh but as said above this has happened too many times not to walk into it eyes closed. People of your parents ag and mil have been around long enough to know its not a good idea.

It sounds like she's saying that your husband can't be trusted

Why does anyone WFH if they have a nanny? I'd be annoyed if one of my colleagues did this

A friend-of-a-friend scenario - they were warned by someone about theirs and told to get rid, but not before she caused all sorts of trouble. The DH was trustworthy but she wasn't. She had an agenda.

Someone who has no choice but to work from home needs someone to look after the baby, that's surely a non negotiable for most employers but whats odd is saying that one of them needs to be around for the baby

Why?

Not everyone works for a company exactly the same as yours. Everyone in my company works from home all the time unless there's a specific in-person event or big meeting, for example. Plenty of companies have downsized office space and don't want anyone in every day. Many people are self-employed in a business that routinely involves working from home.

She’s just suspicious of men’s, er, ‘tendencies’ general, I suspect. I dare say it’s not uncommon.
My own DM more than once told me I should be worried about dh spending many extended periods abroad for work, in areas where ‘ladies of the night’ were readily available. Dh told me himself about a couple of colleagues heading for prostitutes almost as soon as they were off the plane. (One of them was Dutch - his surname was Kock 😂 (sp?)

But I trusted my dh - I hope you do, too.

‘in general’ - and I should add that despite this, my DM thought the sun shone out of dh’s arse!

Why would you be annoyed if one of your colleagues worked from home and had a nanny? Genuine question.

I just think if someone is a cheat they will find an opportunity to cheat. Unfaithful men wouldn’t all be perfect, loyal husbands if only that one woman hadn’t crossed their path... Unfaithful men will always eventually be unfaithful; whether that’s with a woman at work, your sister, the next door neighbour, someone at the gym.

Likewise, loyal men will be loyal regardless of what opportunities are put in front of them. If their head and heart are firmly committed to their marriage then that’s that.

If you trust your DH then don’t let his mother(!) get in your head. Also, it’s a bit insulting for her to assume the nanny won’t be perfectly professional and must surely be desperate to cop off with the men she is employed by.

I do get the point raised by PP about this being a setup that promotes a level of intimacy (them both being at home, alone, all day) but he will be busy working and she will be busy with the baby. My DH WFH and I’m on mat leave and we barely see each other all day. Also, even if he is attracted to her and even if she is attracted to him and even if he senses they are becoming a bit close, if he’s a loyal man then he’ll realise this is a threat to his marriage and he’ll shut it down immediately. If he’s not loyal enough to do that then he’s a ticking time bomb anyway.

My DH’s role has always been WFH even before Covid. He doesn’t have a desk in an office that he can go to. There will be thousands and thousands of people working for all sorts of companies in specifically WFH roles up and down the country.

Sure, if course it’s reasonable to WFH if you would WFH anyway. But OP said her DH has to WFH because “one of [them] needs to be around for the baby” - that’s not the same thing at all.

Does she know her as she’s a refugee from the Ukraine? Just wondering if she’s thinking of that mad story in the tabloids. I doubt many women in that situation are desperately hoping our perfectly average looking husbands will succumb to their charms- perhaps you could point out to MiL that she’s probably out of your husband’s league 😂

I think when people say things like this they're mainly showing off their own insecurity and their own internalised misogynism.

It's a silly trope OP, the primary concern should be how good the nanny is with the children and that's that

. Imagine being the nanny seeing this, it would be mortifying and If i were at work in a role and this was being said I'd be mortified and annoyed, let alone people actually saying they'd let her go for being attractive (fortunately employment law exists!). I doubt she has any interest in your DP at all OP, unless he is Brad Pitt and I wouldn't debase myself worrying about it - people (male or female) will cheat if they want and women don't need to run around removing any attractive women from their DP or DH path desperately trying to prevent it.

@WandaWonder no I am not suggesting OP works from home.OP needs to ask her MIL why she made that comment.If it really bugs you OP then have a chat with your MIL.

She's not saying anything negative about you. It's just a silly comment. Your MIL should keep out of it.

Because it's my baby, and I can chose how I want the time spent. I've never left strangers with my children before so it would of been a first and she's a baby and nanny would of only been there for support during meetings if anything.

I agree with you. I hate how weak society portrays men as if they can't hold off being alone with a woman without cheating. This is how trust issues form.

This was the plan. However, I thought my DH may have needed more support and for my peace of mind to know she's being properly looked after which is why I had initially suggested she look after the baby while he's at home. Also one of us needs to be home as we have other children who also need to be picked up from school and she would be gone before that.

That's the parents choice if they chose to be around. Having a nanny doesn't have to be 24/7 all alone, they can also be there for a bit of support with the child while your busy. If a nanny had an issue with me being there, I personally wouldn't hire her.

Just to add as I'm seeing a lot of posts why me or my DH need to wfh. We also have other children in school who need to be picked up, and our nanny would of left by the time pick up is. Also, we have never left our kids with strangers before and I have struggled with even letting people hold baby (I did go through a long course of therapy after baby) and have massively improved and made a lot of effort at trusting others to do a half decent job like I do with my baby. My DH and my MIL actually suggested the nanny as I had no intentions and they suggested I have her around while I WFH but I thought it may be best she support my DH instead as she's looked after other babies before and she could help him more than she would help me etc.

I know my MIL didn't mean it in a way to intentionally offend me but I do think she spoke without thinking about what she's truly saying. My own DM jokes that don't leave them alone she might take your husband, and it's silly comments that keep putting things in my head that don't need to be there. I also agree there a stories where intimacy had built up before but I was choosing my trust my DH but clearly I am not seeing things the way others are.

Honestly I can’t for the life of me see how you turned this into her saying you’re not good enough . I really can’t grasp it

the woman is clearly saying if you leave your husband, her son, alone with an attractive woman he will cheat.

it’s about him, not you