MIL comment playing in my head

[Teddybear00]

Just for contex me & MIL have a good relationship and she's very open to tell me everything. I recently went back to work after being on mat leave and myself and DH considered a nanny just for 2x day a week.

I won't say how MIL knows the potential nanny as it may give away a lot but I had suggested the nanny look after DB while I am at work & DH WFH as one of us need to be around baby.

However, MIL calls me and she's like I don't think you should leave the nanny alone in a house with my DH and she doesn't think it's a good idea. She made comments that she's not ugly etc.

I can't help but think is she trying to say I am not not enough and this girl will turn my DH head. I know she had 0 bad intentions in her heart to upset me and know in her mind she's 'doing me a favour'.

Am I overthinking too much or how would you approach that.

I would also look quite carefully at what working from home for three days and being responsible for your child looks like in reality, both for your work and for your child. You see it is as close minded - I see it otherwise.

The nanny role should be clear - responsible for your child when she is there - not responsible to teach your husband how to look after his child. Nannies prefer to have clear lines of responsibility and many find it quite difficult when parents are working from home and also blurring the lines between home and work.

Why is your husband incapable of looking after your child while you are? Who's children are the other children in your family? If they are your husband's then I presume he knows how to look after a child.

I’d you both work full time, then you need full time childcare. It’s nice to have your dc at home when WFH so when you take a break from work, you can spend that time playing with your dc, but not be sole charge.

something is going to be neglected - work or child.

if this nanny isn’t able to work full time and be in full charge of your child, then perhaps look at better childcare options. (Round here, nannies would also pick up older children from school - why would you do that yourself rather than the person you are paying to look after your dc?!)

Not everything is as clear and straight forward as people want to make it out to be. Childcare is also very expensive and nurseries are not always available. Logically some things don't always work out as perfect as people want to paint it as. You (not literally you) can't take a small bit of info and make 100 assumptions around it. Being a parent is hard enough and it's enough that people are always trying to find ways to tell you what is best for your child or what to do. It's truly no one's business what the set up/ arrangement is and why it is that way. That's not what my post was about. As always on MN It's just people finding a small gap to give their 2 cents on something I didn't ask their opinions on to begin with & actually won't take into account because again it's my child and my money and my work. No nanny would ever be held by force, there is a choice in everything.

In a 'perfect world' if I had millions to throw about, we could just have a live in nanny who may as well raise my kids for me while I build up my career. I'm very fortunate that my work/ team are very flexible and colleagues have kids of their own so we all understand each others position. As long as the work gets done when it's meant to be then I can't see why I shouldn't be there with MY child. I am also not a horrid person that would treat or make any nanny feel horrible working in my home with me there. They would get the ultimate respect from me.

I doubt MIL is implying you are ugly (!) Or that she doesn't trust her son..but if both she and your own mother have commented on the plan, then I would probably listen. Older women are not bitter or paranoid, just experienced and very pragmatic. I trust my husband in the sense that I would be very surprised if he went out looking to cheat, but no way would I set him up to spend his days in an intimate setting with an attractive young women. That just seems like asking for trouble.

As long as the work gets done when it's meant to be then I can't see why I shouldn't be there with MY child.

Up to your employers, but hard to see how a person can “get work done” while also doing the job of caring for a child? 🤷‍♀️ That is literally doing two jobs at once. If I employed you to do my accounts I would not (for example) expect you to be able to do that while also serving customers in a shop.

Obviously if I was in a shop I wouldn't be able to physically do that. However, I can WFH most of the week and the 2 days I do go in office my DH is at home. My work doesn't have deadlines in a day, we get left to do our work and make sure it's all finished for when it's needed so actually I can manage both with my flexible hours. The same applies with my DH. The nanny was more for support while at the house. I still also BF my baby and baby gets very anxious with strangers so for us it makes sense to have either myself or my DH at home. However, we won't be having a nanny anymore as my mum will be with baby instead.

It's far from close minded to suggest work time is for working and family time is family time as per the many other posts suggesting the same. Both your employer and your child deserve better. I dont need to know anything about your work set up to believe that to be true.

You have issues about leaving your child with other people. It's perfectly normal at first, but it's not healthy long term and you need to deal with that. Let alone throwing accusations around about other people.

To the point - don't ask for advice or opinions if you don't want them. Keep your melo dramatics to yourself.

You really don't know anything honestly. I didn't throw accusations around, don't add things that are not there.

Why would my baby and work deserve better, because someone from MN says so ?! Get over yourself honestly, you know nothing.

Also, I never asked your opinion about how I WFH and how my arrangements should be. You just decided to throw your 2 cents on something I never asked your thought or opinions on because frankly they don't matter to me.

If your going to come and comment on someone's post, base it on the actual post instead of coming with an intention to insult on a different matter. 🥱 Excuse yourself now.

After a baby men can become depressed, not think straight, and having a nanny at home who is paid to be nice and helpful is likely to turn their heads. It happened to my DC whose husband prior to that was devoted. I personally wouldn’t tempt fate like that.

Honestly such a weird inappropriate thing to say. Essentially she is saying her son might cheat on you. Why on earth would she say such a thing. What an odd woman

My comments are based entirely on the information in your posts. Read them back if you can't remember.

Why does your child and your employer deserve better? Clearly because you were trying to do both at the same time, correct? Did you discuss your plan with your employer at all to see what they thought? Or clarify their insurance position? Or DH's?

FYI MN is a public forum. You put yourself out here for comments. Even if you don't like it. Suck it up.

I understand that. Hand on heart those thoughts didn't even come to my mind because it was me who suggested the nanny actually care for my DB while hubby is around. However, you never know I guess.

Knowing her I know she didn't mean it in a way to insult me or her son. I do thinks she just spoke without thinking. Her own DH actually left her and her kids when they were young and she always said the OW was pretty also. I wonder if those comments may just stem from her own experience. Plus me and DH were going through a rough patch and I had expressed those to her so maybe she thought his head may turn especially if we're going through rough patch. However, knowing my DH I couldn't imagine him doing that especially in our home with our baby there.