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Original poster

Do you like your adult children?

127 replies

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 27/12/2022 13:36

Their personalities and choices can be challenging at times and at those times you may feel that their company is not always enjoyable .

thats so true.

bluebell34567 · 27/12/2022 13:38

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 12:15

Well actually I heard him saying it to my MIL at my wedding which was even worse.

yeah, not very nice. i wouldnt like him.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 13:39

Why are you feeling this way about your adult kids? Not a judgmental question, just curious? It is very sad.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 13:43

I always think it makes more sense to say I love you but I don't like your current behaviour. That way its not so personalised and its more about the choices they are making. It also makes it easier for you to digest and feel less guilt-ridden over. It just changes the perspective a little and allows room for change and growth x

Mischance · 27/12/2022 13:44

UsingChangeofName · 25/12/2022 00:07

Very much so.
I am very proud of the adults they have become. I like all of them very much.

Ditto - all 3 have grown into kind, generous, decent people bringing up their children with intelligence and love. I count myself blessed.

bluebell34567 · 27/12/2022 13:46

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 13:43

I always think it makes more sense to say I love you but I don't like your current behaviour. That way its not so personalised and its more about the choices they are making. It also makes it easier for you to digest and feel less guilt-ridden over. It just changes the perspective a little and allows room for change and growth x

agree.

Bettyboop3 · 27/12/2022 14:30

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 13:39

Why are you feeling this way about your adult kids? Not a judgmental question, just curious? It is very sad.

It is very sad and i deeply miss the happy little boy he once was but after years of making my life an absolute living hell i have finally given up on him for my own sanity.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 15:02

Bettyboop3 · 27/12/2022 14:30

It is very sad and i deeply miss the happy little boy he once was but after years of making my life an absolute living hell i have finally given up on him for my own sanity.

Show quote history

Ah bless you, that is very sad indeed. I wonder why he has changed so much. I can see why you would want to check out for your own sanity.

Reallybadidea · 27/12/2022 19:24

thelobsterquadrille · 27/12/2022 10:55

How is it being obnoxious to answer the question? 🙄

Show quote history

Imagine a friend said to you: "Do you like your kids? I don't always like mine" and you replied "Yes, mine are fabulous". Personally I think that's devoid of empathy at best.

SqueakySquirrel · 27/12/2022 19:48

@Reallybadidea talking face to face with a friend and answering a question on an online forum is hardly comparable.
Are you only allowed to answer if you feel the same as the poster?

Delphinium20 · 27/12/2022 20:05

My close friend is struggling with this. Her once sweet son is now a jerk of an adult. I found him difficult to be with when we spent a holiday weekend with them in their city. He dominated every conversation and insisted we were all idiots and was very rude to my friend, his mother, who he expects to wait on him hand and foot like he's still a toddler. His girlfriend was there and he was awful to her as well. My friend wants to move halfway across the country to get away from him. She's currently looking for jobs.

Reallybadidea · 27/12/2022 20:28

SqueakySquirrel · 27/12/2022 19:48

@Reallybadidea talking face to face with a friend and answering a question on an online forum is hardly comparable.
Are you only allowed to answer if you feel the same as the poster?

Of course people are completely free to answer the question asked, rather than offering support. I was giving my opinion about why doing so is a bit obnoxious.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/12/2022 20:33

@losingit31 Ha- sounds identical to my 24 year old son who works in tech in London. He has mild ADHD and is on medication for it but loves babies and animals and is funny and intelligent and very respectful to women - if disorganised!!

CoffeandTiaMaria · 27/12/2022 20:36

I’m very lucky, I have two DCs who I am immensely proud of and whom I love and like very much.
They’ve grown up to be lovely people.

CallieQ · 27/12/2022 20:38

It's not obnoxious to have a different experience or opinion to the OP

Original poster
Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 20:42

Delphinium20 · 27/12/2022 20:05

My close friend is struggling with this. Her once sweet son is now a jerk of an adult. I found him difficult to be with when we spent a holiday weekend with them in their city. He dominated every conversation and insisted we were all idiots and was very rude to my friend, his mother, who he expects to wait on him hand and foot like he's still a toddler. His girlfriend was there and he was awful to her as well. My friend wants to move halfway across the country to get away from him. She's currently looking for jobs.

I have a close friend who has a son like this. He was delightful when he was a child. He’s domineering, rude and selfish now.
Another friend has four children . Three daughters who are all very difficult and self absorbed. She is broken . Her son is dominated by his gf who does not care to encourage his relationship with his family.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 27/12/2022 20:50

My children are babies, but I just asked my dad if he likes his adult children, and apparently he does. But then again I'm sitting right here so he would say that.

Honestly though, I think people who find ALL of their children to be unlikeable need to take a look at what sort of responsibility they might have for who their children turned out to be. One child turning out to be a bit of a dick, fair enough. But all of them? There's likely a root cause there somewhere.

Delphinium20 · 27/12/2022 21:01

While some parents could be to blame, my example is lovely parent, rude son. Also, rude son has a lovely older sister so I think some people's personalities are just off, despite positive upbringing.

MsRosley · 28/12/2022 10:10

Honestly though, I think people who find ALL of their children to be unlikeable need to take a look at what sort of responsibility they might have for who their children turned out to be. One child turning out to be a bit of a dick, fair enough. But all of them? There's likely a root cause there somewhere.

There's two parents, remember. Sometimes one parent can have a really bad effect on the kids that the other parent can't necessarily counter.

FoxCorner · 28/12/2022 10:37

My 18 year old dd is lovely (and her 15 year old sister)

JaninaDuszejko · 28/12/2022 10:48

There was a thread a few years ago about that phrase 'I love you but I don't always like you'. My Mum (still!) says it and I agree it is very hurtful to hear but reading the previous thread and knowing lots of other parents said it helped because I assume it must have been in some parenting advice book or something that meant it was so widespread. Nowadays we are told to label the behaviour not the child and so the nearest equivalent would be 'I love you but I don't like it when you do that'.

asblindasabat · 28/12/2022 10:55

You don’t like your own children? I love mine.

Bettyboop3 · 28/12/2022 11:51

asblindasabat · 28/12/2022 10:55

You don’t like your own children? I love mine.

Well good for you!! 👍

bluebell34567 · 28/12/2022 12:13

asblindasabat · 28/12/2022 10:55

You don’t like your own children? I love mine.

childish.

JoyPeaceSleep · 28/12/2022 12:17

My mum has said to me too. Y3ars ago. We are v low contact now. It was very hurtful but now it makes me angry that she felt she had the right to make her opinion of me the official yardstick. I've never had the opportunity to say that she repressed all her emotions and the leak out in projection, she is extremely defensive, takes no accountability for the hurt she has caused, she has given me the silent treatment repeatedly and yet blames me for the fact we are low contact now. Id never say no contact because I live in hope.
It still rankles me though that she thinks her opinion of me defines me in any way.
I'll always be a stranger to her. I'm not real to her. It'd sad. You can only ever half accept being dealt this shit hand

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