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Original poster

Do you like your adult children?

127 replies

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

OP posts:
CallieQ · 27/12/2022 11:11

@thelobsterquadrille

How is it being obnoxious to answer the question?

Of course it's not obnoxious and I'm sure those posters weren't 'smug'... but you know that on MN you have to agree with the OP and have a similar problem or you get insulted and reported

Original poster
Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 11:19

It's lovely to hear so many posters have great relationships with their kids. As mine get older they seem to get more challenging and difficult to be around. A lot of failures of empathy, selfishness, rudeness. They are all lovely people really but I struggle being around them these days and feel very drained.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 27/12/2022 11:27

I hear you totally. Ds22 has been home and been very tricky. It feels like we do not fit together as a family as we once did and no I do not like him very much right now. I love him completely but his behaviour has been difficult. It may be us, and I can see that he is entitled which is because we have perhaps spoiled him, but I find it very sad. I am hoping that as our lives evolve this situation may also change and we will all fit again. When he is nice then we have a good time. Perhaps he gets bored and wants to be elsewhere, I am not sure. It is hard.

Bettyboop3 · 27/12/2022 11:32

Batshittery · 25/12/2022 01:24

No. I'm very sad that I have admitted to myself today that I don't like my DS. He's my only child and I loved him with my entire being, but after so much grief that he has caused I know I that I don't 'like' him any more. He's 40. I'm prepared to be judged but if anyone knew what I have gone through they would wonder why I have put up with it so long. Still makes me sad

I wouldn't judge you. I don't like one of mine. People have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

bloodywhitecat · 27/12/2022 11:34

I like and love mine to bits, they are both fantastic human beings. They were my rocks when DH (not their dad) was diagnosed with cancer and I couldn't have done what I did without their help.

MsRosley · 27/12/2022 11:35

If you can't see why 'just answering the question' without showing any understanding or empathy for how OP is experiencing her adult children, then you're not as nice as you think you are.

Pinkandgreentrousers · 27/12/2022 11:41

Not today, it's my birthday, no cards from any of them and they didn't bother to wrap the bars of chocolate they bought for me. Not feeling very loved!!

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 27/12/2022 11:41

Oh boy what a minefield ! My mother never ever liked me even though I was a good child she preferred my siblings. She caused a lot of trouble and they all sided with her even though they knew it was wrong. I was abused by her and went NC when my children were little as I saw how she behaved towards them and knew it could not carry on. Best thing I ever did really.

I have spent most of Christmas with both my children and I think that says a lot. I am hoping it is me they want to see and not just the contents of my fridge 😀

Fifthtimelucky · 27/12/2022 11:44

I like and love mine (25 and 22).

That doesn't stop me from being annoyed with them occasionally, of course!

CoffeeBoy · 27/12/2022 11:44

Definitely love her. I like her most of the time but she can be a bit selfish and self centred at times which I don’t like. But can also be very thoughtful and kind at other times. She’s 21yo though and has been going through a lot health wise so I make allowances.

snowinthesticks · 27/12/2022 11:46

I love and like my adult DC and I am so proud of the adults they have become.

Neither of them live at home and one is easier company than the other so I suspect it might be tricky if we had to share a home.
They were both here over Christmas for a few days and it's interesting that the family dynamics are the same as ever.

CoffeeBoy · 27/12/2022 11:46

OP -how old are your adult kids?

Schnooze · 27/12/2022 11:52

I like mine a lot. They aren’t perfect, as none of us are. But I love them to the moon and enjoy spending time with them.

ShippingNews · 27/12/2022 11:53

Mine are 33 and 36. I like and love them, never felt any different all their lives. They can be difficult sometimes, but we put in a bit of work and things work out. I have 5 grandchildren and as much as I adore them, my own children are still top of the pops with me

Bumpsadaisie · 27/12/2022 12:01

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 11:19

It's lovely to hear so many posters have great relationships with their kids. As mine get older they seem to get more challenging and difficult to be around. A lot of failures of empathy, selfishness, rudeness. They are all lovely people really but I struggle being around them these days and feel very drained.

That's ok. Perhaps it's the phase you are in just now. Bit like when they were toddlers - I am sure you loved them but were often glad at bedtime!

Maybe in a decade they'll have their own kids and your relationship with them will have changed again.

LozzaChops101 · 27/12/2022 12:02

My mother’s never liked me, or at least not in my memory. It’s interesting (sort of comforting I suppose) to read how common it is for parents to not like their kids very much.

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2022 12:02

Your father was an arsehole for saying that to you. 💐

Yes, I like my sons. They are in their 20s
They are fantastic young men and I'm very proud of them.

But even if I didn't like them, I'd never bloody say that!

Original poster
Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 12:15

Well actually I heard him saying it to my MIL at my wedding which was even worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 12:16

CoffeeBoy · 27/12/2022 11:46

OP -how old are your adult kids?

33,31 and 28

OP posts:
Cinecitta · 27/12/2022 12:28

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

This is not a very nice thing to say to your loved ones, and I never really understood what it means.
I think it’s acceptable to say “I love you but you can be annoying sometimes” or “I love you but I don’t like your x or y quality”. To me it means that the person is of course not perfect (because nobody is, myself included) but you love them anyway.

But to say to someone “I don’t like you” is akin to say (at least in my opinion) that you don’t love them. It’s admitting that you don’t love them but you are softening the punch by quickly adding that you otherwise love them just so you don’t come across like an unloving asshole.
I don’t have children so maybe that’s why I don’t see the subtleties in the way you can love them.
I feel that to love someone but not to like them is a contradiction. Am I the only one who sees it this black and white way? Can someone explain this?

DifferentYearSameShit · 27/12/2022 12:37

I love and like my adult DS but I don't like his drunken I love you texts at 3am!!!! They make my anxiety hit the roof and I lay awake wondering if he got to his home safely.

Catproblem · 27/12/2022 13:08

I’m struggling A LOT with my eldest at the moment. She’s 24 and is making choices I’m not keen on. Her sister (21), was the difficult one, but it turning into a really lovely adult

Original poster
Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 27/12/2022 13:23

I think love for your children is always there because they are part of you and the bond is very strong. Their personalities and choices can be challenging at times and at those times you may feel that their company is not always enjoyable .

OP posts:
CoffeeBoy · 27/12/2022 13:32

I think @Cinecitta hits it on the head. I do like dd, I sometimes don’t like some things she does. Maybe your dad meant the same?

bluebell34567 · 27/12/2022 13:35

Pinkandgreentrousers · 27/12/2022 11:41

Not today, it's my birthday, no cards from any of them and they didn't bother to wrap the bars of chocolate they bought for me. Not feeling very loved!!

feel sorry for that. i would definitely tell them how i feel. anyway,👑 Happy Birthday!!!

mine are not easy, to me anyway. but they are doing well, thank God.