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Original poster

Do you like your adult children?

127 replies

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

OP posts:
AwNo · 25/12/2022 09:35

My DD idolises her father who left us when she was 2 for a more available woman. He did some pretty awful things at that time including withdrawal of money when I didn't work to spend on the gf. Just shitty things I suppose. But now at 30 he buys her anything she wants and I do feel second place when I bought her up on nothing. She tries to deflect this by saying I love her brother more which I don't but to be honest, he doesn't treat me badly so I am more at ease with him. I was instrumental in getting them both to a reasonable place with their dad, and feel like I have been left with the booby prize!

JeanMarie · 25/12/2022 09:36

Yes, I like my three sons (40,37,34). It's a good job I do because they're all living here with me! The youngest and eldest came back home during lockdown after long term relationships broke down. My middle son is autistic , with mental health issues so will most likely always be with me. I've loved having them here. They're good men....ok...they won't end up captains of industry.....but what I love/like about them is their good hearts and wonderful integrity. I was a single mum since the eldest was six and we formed such a close little unit. We laugh every day, even through some awful times and when I was ill this past year they really stepped up to the plate. Two of them will be moving out soon (with the cat) and I'll miss them but also am delighted they've found their feet again.

MsRosley · 25/12/2022 09:39

OP, you're not going to get a very balanced view on this because there's a lot of stigma about not particularly liking one of your adult children. Many people believe that children are entirely a product of their upbringing and so if they become unpleasant adults, it's the parents fault. Sadly, that isn't true - some people are born with more difficult personalities, or things happen in their lives that have nothing to do with their parenting that makes them unpleasant to be around.

You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

AclowncalledAlice · 25/12/2022 10:03

DD is 30 and I both like and love her. She is (and was), such a funny, weird (in a good way), kind, generous, strong when she needs to be and doesn't allow herself to be belittled or used. I'm so very proud of her. My Dsis, on the other hand, has 4 adult DC and although she loves them all, there is only 1 that she likes.

HeadNorth · 25/12/2022 10:08

My 2 daughters are in their 20s and such fun to hang out with, they are totally different but equally fantastic and we have such a laugh together. We went on an all girls beach holiday this summer as DH isn't bothered about cocktails by the pool and had such a good time. I feel privileged they want to spend time with me.

Lovelycupofcoffee · 25/12/2022 10:12

My stepdad didn’t like me so I know all about that one . I’m very proud of the young man my son is growing into and I’d never treat him like I was growing up.

Mentalpiece · 25/12/2022 10:45

I both love and like mine, they're in their thirties now and always telling me off 😂

Reallybadidea · 25/12/2022 11:01

I think telling your children that you love them but don't like them was common parenting advice 30-40 years ago. Not sure why anybody thought it was a good idea, you don't actually need to say it at all! My mum used to say it to me quite a bit and it's had a lasting effect on my relationship with her and my self esteem. I'm sorry that you experienced it too.

I don't like everything about my children and I find some of their views extremely upsetting and they make me quite angry. It's making for some upsetting moments over Christmas.

I'm pleased that most other people don't have similar issues, but I'm surprised so many felt the need to say that in response to the OP who is clearly struggling.

mondaytosunday · 25/12/2022 12:16

Yes, but I definitely get on better with my daughter (17). We are just on the same wavelength and energy levels, plus we are both quite introvert. My son (19) is very high energy (goes to the gym before work, sometimes after, walk and cycles everywhere, has no patience for TV etc). Extrovert and needs a lot of outside stimulation. He's here now and we were talking about a friend who is moving back in with his parents after a break up, and we both agreed if he ever moved back home we'd end up killing each other! We survived his teenage years as he not only had a bedroom but a games room in a big detached house - i now live in a three bed terrace.
Of course they are teens still and I know from my stepsons that they have plenty of maturing still - my son has little patience and is quick to anger making him quite prickly at times - hopefully that will calm down.

Newusernameaug · 25/12/2022 12:18

Adore him, he’s my favourite person

lissie123 · 25/12/2022 12:33

My young adult kids are annoying at times but no more than I was at their age (24&21). Factoring in Covid ( which definitely affected them both mentally) overall I think they are great. I have an acquaintance who’s 20 year old daughter has just died following a sudden illness. It’s been devastating. So whatever challenges you face with your kids please keep the lines of communication open.

Roselilly36 · 25/12/2022 12:35

I love my adult sons to bits, they are 21 & 19, and are just lovely men.

user1474315215 · 25/12/2022 12:49

My three adult DC are my favourite people, and their partners come a very close second.

MsRosley · 27/12/2022 10:29

I'm pleased that most other people don't have similar issues, but I'm surprised so many felt the need to say that in response to the OP who is clearly struggling.

@Reallybadidea Yes, it's utterly obnoxious, isn't it? I wonder if their kids are as smug as they are.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 27/12/2022 10:34

I love my sons, and like them too. They're polite, handsome, good, moral, decent men. I'm very proud of them both.

Mabelface · 27/12/2022 10:34

Haha, it's not always been plain sailing. Particularly with my daughter! Living separately means that we now have a wonderful relationship without home based issues.

Enidcat5 · 27/12/2022 10:35

My dad has told me so many times now that I'm not his daughter because I didn't do something he wanted me to do. So I know full well how it feels to be disliked by your parent. Its rubbish.

Iknowhim · 27/12/2022 10:45

MsRosley · 27/12/2022 10:29

I'm pleased that most other people don't have similar issues, but I'm surprised so many felt the need to say that in response to the OP who is clearly struggling.

@Reallybadidea Yes, it's utterly obnoxious, isn't it? I wonder if their kids are as smug as they are.

But the OP asked if other people like their children so people answered that question.

If it was a post entirely about the OPs situation, they may not have had the same responses.

As for me, my mum often said 'I love you but I don't like you'. Even if you think that, it's an awful thing to say.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 27/12/2022 10:51

21 Year old just starting to become likeable again. 17 year old very unlikable at the moment !

annonymousse · 27/12/2022 10:51

I'm very proud of my daughters. They are better people than I am. Both kind and considerate and work hard. And one of them has children and is a wonderful parent - again better than I was.

annonymousse · 27/12/2022 10:52

Just realised I didn't answer the question. Yes I like them very much as well as love them

Fleabigg · 27/12/2022 10:52

Lenald · 25/12/2022 09:14

These posts are lovely but I don’t think everyone is in the same boat.

it’s a bit different but I don’t like my Mum. She’s good with the kids but we are very different people and if we weren’t family we wouldn’t be friends.

it made me sad sometimes but these days I just accept that’s my situation and a close mother daughter relationship is never on the cards for us.

Yes, I’m like this too with both of my parents. I do love them and they were/are good parents but we just aren’t close and they aren’t who I would choose to spend time with. My siblings too, tbh, so clearly the common factor is me. DD so far seems very similar to me personality wise so hopefully we won’t have the same issue.

thelobsterquadrille · 27/12/2022 10:55

MsRosley · 27/12/2022 10:29

I'm pleased that most other people don't have similar issues, but I'm surprised so many felt the need to say that in response to the OP who is clearly struggling.

@Reallybadidea Yes, it's utterly obnoxious, isn't it? I wonder if their kids are as smug as they are.

How is it being obnoxious to answer the question? 🙄

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 27/12/2022 10:56

I have a difficult relationship with my 19 year old because don’t know him I feel.
He has something going on and I’m not sure what it is.
He actively avoids talking to me or even being in the same room.
On the rare occasions he does talk to me, it’s on his very limited terms.
I hope as he gets older this will improve.
He isn’t unpleasant just, well, difficult to have a relationship with.

LindorDoubleChoc · 27/12/2022 11:03

I hate that "I love you but I just don't like you at the moment" saying, usually said by smug fools who think they are being oh so clever. It causes untold damage in relationships. Confront your child or teen about their bad/selfish/thoughtless/upsetting behaviour by all means - but don't tell them you don't like them.