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Original poster

Do you like your adult children?

127 replies

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

OP posts:
Whatdidthatwomanjustsay · 25/12/2022 01:38

I'm still working out how to be a good parent to an adult! Very different to being a good parent to a child and I feel I am making a lot more mistakes..... I sometimes want to act like those crazy over-involved mothers you see in movies! But usually manage to have a word with myself and sort it out. The relationships need work but I like my DC - not always but I am starting to get them more, and relax a bit. Hopefully the next year will be easier.

Whatdidthatwomanjustsay · 25/12/2022 01:41

But I do think... a parent that tells their child they don't like them maybe isn't particularly emotionally intelligent and therefore their opinion doesn't matter? I would never tell my kids I don't like them, it's a horrible thing to say. My DM always said she didn't understand me at all, and that was hard enough... You want to be understood and liked by your parents! I'm sorry.

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/12/2022 01:46

My mother never really liked me.i was a disappointment to her. I was certainly no angel but it's only as I've got older (50s) that I realise how shit she was at parenting. It's so sad as she died 12 years ago and I think we would have been able to talk through our issues if we had more time.

Batshittery · 25/12/2022 01:49

Despite my feelings , I would never tell my DS how I feel. He has caused untold grief and upset over the years and he knows this, but is blind to the lasting damage he has caused. It breaks my heart

Pismascrescents · 25/12/2022 07:51

Yes. They are amazing. I am very, very proud of them.

Enko · 25/12/2022 07:54

100% the 4 best people to spend my time with.

My dad is in hospital this Christmas he is really sick. He told my sister. "You 3 have been wonderful children to have" so I'm pretty sure he likes his 3 adult children too.

Mindymomo · 25/12/2022 08:03

I love my 2 sons, but don’t always like them, they are 26 and 30 and they fell out with each other in lockdown and haven’t hardly spoken since and it’s really draining on us seeing this side of them. They both have short tempers and fly off the handle at anything. DH said yesterday I wish it was just us 2 for Christmas and I can see what he means, sometimes they say things without thinking.

losingit31 · 25/12/2022 08:05

DD is 23, a graduate civil engineer and one of the kindest, most genuine people I know. She is messy and disorganised and the greatest procrastinator when it comes to personal stuff, but she would give you the food off her plate and the coat off her back if she thought you needed it. I love her to bits.

nancydroo · 25/12/2022 08:13

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

DM said the same to me as a late teen, with a slight difference 'I have to love you but I don't have to like you!' Charming!

Bluerisotto · 25/12/2022 08:34

My mother (adoptive mother) used to say the same to me 'I love you but I don't always like you'. Truth be told I never actually felt like she loved me either!

Anyway, of my adult kids, I like one, she is kind, funny, sensitive and smart, and I could happily hang out with her 24/7.

The other.... it broke my heart to realise it but no. He will never know it, and I will do what I need to do so he feels like he has a mother who loves him. But he has been vile over the years, and I hate using overused diagnoses but I've come to believe that he is actually a narcissist. If I visit him for more than 20 minutes he will in that time have been rude 'Why do you think I'll make you a drink, you know where the kitchen is, make your own', blown up at something, and insulted someone I care about, and loudly informed me hat homosexuality is a mental illness (I'm gay and came out late, and I couldn't feel free to be myself until he left home) or that 'if people want to be paid more it's their own fault for being too dumb to get a better job'. He is awful and I have no idea how he became like this, or how he is even a child that I raised. So I'm greywalling.
He was such a cute funny kid so it's heartbreaking.

Nottodaysausage · 25/12/2022 08:45

What is it that you don't like?

My mum didn't like me and its always affected me. I remember her telling me how suprised she was that a neighbour had stopped her in the street to tell her what a kind little girl I was 🥴
For some reason she thought I was a bit stupid, a thief, fairly ugly, a bit fat when I was none of those things.
Be careful you're not projecting your feelings of your own self onto your children

PoppySeedBagelRedux · 25/12/2022 08:46

I'm so sorry to hear about the parents who recognise they don't like their children.

I like my son a lot: he's 23 and almost always thoughtful kind and sensible, and fun to be with. We went on a 2 week holiday around France in the summer, just the two of us, and got on really well.

BaublesandBangles · 25/12/2022 08:49

Yes they are all amazing people.

pompomdaisy · 25/12/2022 08:52

I do love both of them to bits now but it's been a struggle with the eldest. Now she's 23 she's great and so funny.

Bluerisotto · 25/12/2022 08:54

PoppySeedBagelRedux · 25/12/2022 08:46

I'm so sorry to hear about the parents who recognise they don't like their children.

I like my son a lot: he's 23 and almost always thoughtful kind and sensible, and fun to be with. We went on a 2 week holiday around France in the summer, just the two of us, and got on really well.

I always love hearing of people that have a great time with their kids, it's really heartwarming to hear. 😊😊😊

LadyKenya · 25/12/2022 08:57

losingit31 · 25/12/2022 08:05

DD is 23, a graduate civil engineer and one of the kindest, most genuine people I know. She is messy and disorganised and the greatest procrastinator when it comes to personal stuff, but she would give you the food off her plate and the coat off her back if she thought you needed it. I love her to bits.

What a lovely way to describe your daughter. You are both very fortunate to have each other.

RaininSummer · 25/12/2022 08:57

Yes they are both amazingly strong, capable, clever, caring young women with decent values and good senses of humour. I love them to bits and love Christmas as I get them both in one place briefly.

SqueakySquirrel · 25/12/2022 09:06

Yes I adore them. There's no one else I'd rather spend time with. They have hearts as big as the world, absolutely crack me up with their sense of humour and are just kind, thoughtful, lovely human beings.

Folkishgal · 25/12/2022 09:09

My dad used to say the same to me, even if I felt that way about my daughter, I would never say it to her. Absoloutley broke my heart.

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2022 09:11

I do like my son loads, he's only 18 though so could develop i suppose into someone I don't like or feel I don't have much in common with.

Though tbh I perhaps like him so much because he's so like his dad - thoughtful, crazily intelligent, very gentle, sporty, funny, brilliant sense of direction, hardworking. It would be harder to like him if he were just like me, because my faults are so frustrating to me, it's awful to see your child struggling in the sane way you do.

He's heading for a career that could encourage his bleaker side though - he likes money and has a self-preserving side too. That's life, I won't always like everything about him.

Lenald · 25/12/2022 09:14

These posts are lovely but I don’t think everyone is in the same boat.

it’s a bit different but I don’t like my Mum. She’s good with the kids but we are very different people and if we weren’t family we wouldn’t be friends.

it made me sad sometimes but these days I just accept that’s my situation and a close mother daughter relationship is never on the cards for us.

BlueSuffragette · 25/12/2022 09:15

Yes, they are both very different but I love and like them both. Enjoy spending time with them.

Mabelface · 25/12/2022 09:32

All 4 of mine have grown into wonderful humans and I love them very much. I have a fantastic relationship with them.

SoSweetAndSalty · 25/12/2022 09:33

My four are in their 20's and 30's. I get on brilliantly with them and we have a lot of fun. They've all come home for Xmas
One of the best things is how well they get on together. They are different from each other but they are such a strong unit. That makes me so happy.

RedHelenB · 25/12/2022 09:34

Walnutwhipsarenothesame · 24/12/2022 23:57

My father used to say he loved me but he didn’t like me. I found that upsetting at the time, but I find now I feel the same sometimes about mine. They are adults. It feels very sad.

I like mine. Yes they annoy me on occasion as no doubt I annoy them but we get on and like spending time together.