My daughter recently moved in with her boyfriend, and declared that she was spending Christmas with her "family of choice" - ie, his. Not a problem. My son (18) and I were going to spend the day with my elderly parents, both of whose noses were pushed out of joint by Daughter's dismissal of us as her family (she's always been their favoured Golden Grandchild). Son and I were looking forward to a chilled day, where attention would be on him for the first year ever...
And then both parents tested positive for covid, my disability threw a huge flare following my covid/flu jabs, and son broke up with his girlfriend. Christmas was put on hold - necessary because parents and I were bed-bound, and son was grumpy. Daughter called me on Christmas Eve to demand to call round to me/my parents for her gifts - and was advised not to. Was told that we were doing Christmas when everyone was well again.
Christmas Day, at 1pm, there was a hammering at the front door (I took my door key back after she took to randomly walking in without notice just to cause rows). Daughter had turned up to collect her gift(s) - so that she could open them with her "family of choice". She was miffed to discover that as I was ill in bed, and had been for a while, I hadn't gotten around to sorting anyone's gifts out... Son told her that even he was prepared to wait so that the family could be together for such a thing. Daughter threw a tantrum about how "no one loves her enough to give her the gifts to open with boyfriend's family". She'd already tried to collect from my parents, and been told where to put herself/wait...
She left within 5 minutes of being told "no". Didn't even ask anyone how we were, if she could make us a cuppa... and had no gifts for us, either! She's 26, by the way, so old enough to understand illness and thoughtfulness. Son and I're used to her self-absorbed ways, but my parents aren't. This year, though, they seem to have realised what we've been putting up with, and have decided to trim her gifts down considerably as a direct result. Son is furious with her, because she upset everyone and tried to turn it round so that she was the hard done by victim (the boyfriened contacted him to have a go about us not having bought her anything for Christmas at all, and was corrected for this rude delusion), and I'm left wondering where I went so very wrong with her...
Rightly, or wrongly, though when she deigns to call me (to demand to know when she can collect her gifts, not to ask if I'm mobile/able to do anything without Son's help) I'm going to remind her that choices have consequences - and being told to wait, as an adult, shouldn't result in qa childish temper tantrum. We didn't want to be poorly over thefestive period, after all. Still, as we're no longer her family of choice... I can't seem to bring myself to want to sort her gift bag out for a long while. Son, on the other hand, deserves his gift bag ASAP, because he's been a saint in helpingt me and my parents - and is happy to wait.