How much ££ do you give your independent adult dc at xmas?

[Christmasinbed]

I give mine money or gifts to the value of £50. If I buy a box of chocs too it's nearer 60. Do you think this is stingey? I'm talking about dc who have moved into their own homes & are independent.

In laws usually send me and DP £50 and maybe buy us a box of chocolates. My parents buy presents for us instead probably around a similar value. I can't imagine being so rude to my parents, and couldn't care less how much they spend (and with my mum always encouraging her to just buy me one small thing!)

I love a gift card! A few pounds to spend on my hobby without having to justify it to anyone!

DM gave DD2 & DSiL a gift card for their favourite cinema - she gave them this last year and they were really grateful to get the same again this year. It gives them a lovely treat in the dark of winter.

My FIL doesn't buy anyone Christmas presents. Sometimes he remembers some of his grandchildren, but not all of them. It's because he doesn't really care much for presents rather than old age issues. It's fine (unless he only gets something for 1 out of 4 grandchildren as he has done in the past).

My parents go overboard. I think my mum budgets for around £100 for me and same for my DH and then more for my sister because she is single. She will spend every penny, maybe half cash the rest on stuff. She gets offended when I've suggested she doesn't need to spend or buy so much. She goes over the top for my 2 DC.

What a horrible thing to say. You spend what you can afford to. That’s all anyone should do. Would your child rather you went hungry so that they could have a gift that they probably don’t even need?

I’d give them nothing at all if they’re going to be like that.

Once adult dc are working and have more disposable income than their parents, it's madness to spend £££ on presents.
Ive spent about £120 on each of my adult dc. Love is not measured in money.

OP, you need to have a talk with your child. There's something very wrong with their attitude and this needs addressing.

Your ADULT child moaned about receiving £50??

I'd be giving them bugger all after that.

The thought of my mum stressing about affording my Christmas gift / money as an adult and mother myself makes me feel awful. I'd be horrified if she was stressing about this and have told both parents regularly to not bother getting me anything, not that they would but they could give me £5 or £50 and I'd still be very grateful at my age!

My adult child has never been grateful for what they are given and has often wasted money. They've had considerable cash sums in the recent past to help with property and a wedding - well over 6 figures. They have more disposable income than I do so have small presents that cost me time and effort but not much money, less than £50. My great nieces and nephews get more. Next year it may be a £10 note in a card or a donation t a charity in their name. Why make an effort for those who only think of the cash value of a gift, dont need it and are ungrateful. No grandchildren, I will be more generous to children if they turn up.

We used to give all our adult children £200 each at Christmas and £100 to Grandchildren.
Until one year two of them didn't even notice it was in their bank and failed to thank us and the following year the youngest didn't even give us a card or acknowledge the £200 we then stopped all cash gifts.
We now buy each of the grandchildren a carefully chosen and wrapped gift about £50.

@anyolddinosaur @alwayscheery this is shocking!! I can’t believe how ungrateful your adult dc sound.

One is getting £30 and a box of chocolates and the other is having an electric blanket costing £35 and some chocolate.
My 15 year old is having £70 and a stocking but when he reaches 18 that amount will start to drop. Otherwise where does it end,I'm a single mum and got to watch the pennies.

My parents ask for a present idea for about £50 each then they'll buy a couple of small extra bits (socks, bath salts etc)

My FIL used to give a cheque and a small gift (usually about £250-350) . Sadly we lost him a couple of years ago

We have two children, one is an adult. We plan to continue giving him gifts for the foreseeable

It varies from year to year but we usually get about €50 worth in small presents and cash. When money is tight a lot less, a couple of years ago I did get €100 cash then some chocolates and a book. I would never, ever equate love with money though and your child sounds ungrateful. I know my parents love me and I don’t need gifts to remind me of that. The same way that they loved us when we were little and poor as mice, with no Christmas presents other than some needed shoes for school or a bag of sweets between us all.

Very grim of your DC to say that to you OP, I would be disappointed by that and think it reflects poorly on whoever said it. How sad when you not only equate the value of a gift to how much someone cares rather than what they can afford or how thoughtful it is, but also that in hopes of getting more out of your parent you shame and guilt them into it in hopes of getting more the next time.

My parents never really got us anything expensive gift wise after about 20 years of age when we'd both moved out; the usual nice bits like christmas chocolates, some slipper socks, that sort of thing as a gesture to open. Neither of them particularly liked Christmas so I think were pleased to not have to make a big thing of it as soon as we were adults.

Under 18 we probably had £50ish for a main present and some little bits to open in our stocking (and of course the expense of christmas dinner and decor in general which I think people always forget to factor into someone else's generosity). Neither of my parents were or are well off and at that point both my brother and I were working full time so weren't bothered.

I don't see how anyone buying a gift for anyone else at all , can then be called stingy. Let alone spending £50 on an adult.

It is roughly what my parents gave me and probably less them what I would spend on them (as I would buy for both of them), so sounds fine to me. There comes a point where you are no longer gifting a child and it becomes an equal exchange of presents between adults.

It depends on individual circumstances when that is but I would say it would roughly be at the point they are out of education and earning a FT wage. So i have at least 5 years to go!

I hope they were not serious and it was a misplaced joke. If they were I would be having a stern word about how disappointed I was in them.

Then it is more than appropriate!

My mum and dad give my husband and I about £100-150 each in cash and then buy us a joint gift worth about £100.

They gift our son, their grandchild around £200 plus about £100 worth of gifts.

My husbands mother gives me and my husband £10 each and our son £10.

We are equally grateful to both sets of parent(s) and in fact I try to tell my parents that they need to spend less.

My mum gives me a gift or cash worth between £20-50 and vice versa. It's lovely to have but I wouldn't mind if she gave nothing, it's just nice to see her and share a glass of win.

*wine

My mums present to me is about £15-£20 worth and that is what me and my siblings get every year. It's never occurred to me to want or expect more. It's the thought that counts.

I have two adult DC’s in their 20’s and give them £150 cash and about £100 in presents.
I can afford it and enjoy treating them and would prefer that they had my money now why they need it rather than wait for an inheritance.

How much do you earn? How much disposable income do you have?
It's impossible to say, otherwise. On the face of it your child is being rude, but I guess if you are loaded it may feel that you are being tight.

I get £250 from my mum as it's the maximum amount with no inheritance tax implications.

I give my kids £100 each. I earn £40k and it doesn't leave me short but they also get £4k each in their lifetime isas in April.

Around £85 to £100. (Between her and her partner.) Also give them £70-80 of gifts between them to open too. (4 or 5 for her, 4 or 5 for him, and 4 or 5 'joint gifts...') I do only have the one child though. What you give sounds fine @Christmasinbed

They're in their late 20s btw!

My husband's parents usually gift us £1000 plus small gifts to open, my mum last year got us oven gloves (what I'd asked for). All are very much appreciated.

There are huge differences between what my ILs can afford, and what my mum can. DH is an only child, I'm one of five. My mum has been on her own for many years, ILs are a couple. They all give generously within their means, and we appreciate it.

My kids are all growing up but still at home. But I can tell you that I know 100% that none of them would ever comment unfavourably on how much we spend on them, that's shocking that your DC did that!