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Original poster

Is anyone awake? I’m expecting bad news and I can’t sleep

1000 replies

MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:32

My dh is unwell and we have no idea what is wrong. We are getting scan results this morning but they were only to rule things out so probably not conclusive. However, I can’t see how this isn’t going to be something serious as he has declined so rapidly.

I feel sick. We’ve already lost most of his income through him being off work so I’m also worried sick about money. We have enough savings to manage another 2 months at the most.

My dc are already suffering, despite them
mot fully understanding how serious the symptoms are, as dh is pretty much housebound and I can’t physically drive them to all the clubs and places they need to go by myself.
I also work full time although thankfully I’m a teacher and break up this week.

My heart is broken just looking at him disappearing in front of me. The doctors are slow to take his symptoms seriously so sadly by the time he was sent to hospital he was already unable to work and very ill. It could of course be something very treatable but at the moment I feel suffocated with the fear of the worst case scenarios.
I am writing this as I’m lonely and scared and wondered if anyone is awake to say hello.

I have name changed in case anyone recognises me from this post. If you do, please don’t mention this as I am doing a great job of appearing strong on the outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 09:26

@Redebs that sounds amazing! Daal is genuinely in my top 3 favourite foods! You’re not in the South East by any chance are you?!

OP posts:
FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 15/12/2022 09:33

If chocolate, croissants and crisps are what you can manage, then chocolate, croissants and crisps are currently nutritional heroes — whatever works right now is good. If you're not able to get much volume, then it's useful to have stuff with high nutritional density like croissants/chocolate. And fluids 😁 (Sorry, grew up in a medical household, have had the importance of fluids drummed into me from infancy!)

My DP does the cooking in this house, too, and I think maybe I can understand that you could have a kind of… mental stop on wanting to take over "his" job, as it were, for emotional/symbolic reasons? At least I think that's how I'd feel if DP were very unwell and I didn't know what the future held. That might be irrelevant and there are other reasons, sorry, was just thinking aloud really.

Hope the headache has eased a bit?

MuckyPlucky · 15/12/2022 11:25

Oh bless you @MyCake . I’ve not posted on here before now as I didn’t feel I could be of any use to you, but I can’t not reach out to you now. I wish I could come round with a few batch-cooked vegetarian meals (I’m veggie too, with meat-eater kids) for your freezer so you’ve got something easy to reheat each day, to keep your strength and nutrition up.

It’s not the same I know, but for the first part of this year I experienced a scramble to keep things going for the kids due to a time of crisis, so I know what it’s like for the whole idea of meal prep / eating to fly out the window. I’d make sure the kids had something but I’d go whole weeks on just the odd crust from their toast or what was to hand. I barely drank fluids and got in an awful mess. People said to me at the time that my lack of eating & drinking would be making my emotional state worse but I still couldn’t make it happen, which sounds like the scenario you’re in. I really do get it, but from someone who’s been there I want to give you a gentle prompt to make yourself have a good drink of water, and then keep up with easy things like cuppa soups, bananas, a yogurt etc. It won’t change what’s happening for you but will stop you going downhill and will keep your strength up.

Have you got friends or family who could give you a hand by having the kids for a nignt this weekend? You could take a couple of Phenergan (over the counter from Boots) and get a good long sleep whilst they’re out the picture. It might top up your tank. I swear by Phenergan and get them on prescription now. They’re the best sleeping tablets ever.

Sending you a hug and strength 💐

Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 12:28

I’m crying reading your responses. You’re helping me to feel less alone and it’s so comforting.

OP posts:
OldFan · 15/12/2022 12:40

It could just be one of those things OP and nothing major. Praying for you all. xxx

I had a raised blood marker for something and a couple of times of year get loss of balance (sometimes randomly and other times psychosomatic) but it's not anything.

SweetSakura · 15/12/2022 12:40

I've been thinking of you @MyCake and I really hope you get answers (and a treatment plan) soon

dickdarstardlymuttley · 15/12/2022 14:08

MyCake · 15/12/2022 12:28

I’m crying reading your responses. You’re helping me to feel less alone and it’s so comforting.

Flowers Thinking of you x

Willowswood · 15/12/2022 14:51

MyCake · 15/12/2022 08:05

He couldn’t have the tests yesterday due a complication on one of his scans which needs double checking but he’ll have it next week hopefully.

He is worse every day and it honestly feels like a race against time. I cried so much last night at my friend’s house that I was nearly sick and have woken up with an awful headache. I’ve barely eaten for days. He looks so ill now.

I'm so sorry your DH is so unwell. I am hoping and praying it is not something serious. You say he is getting worse every day, as h the tests were not done yesterday, I'm surprised they are hopefully doing them next week? I would have thought they would be doing them asap?

Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 14:55

I think I’ve just broken. I’m shaking and crying.
dh has just been really snappy and said some critical things which I know he didn’t mean but I feel so hurt as I am trying so hard to keep everything going.

OP posts:
Lockedinforwinter · 15/12/2022 15:29

It's not surprising, either that he snapped or that it's effected you like that. Is there someone who can give you a hug? You are both going through so much at the moment. I really hope that you get answers soon. Things should be easier once you know what you are dealing with and have a plan.

saturnisturning · 15/12/2022 15:34

@MyCake are you ok?

You must all be fraught with nerves

Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 15:50

I’m still very shaky and feel like I’m going to be sick but I’ve stopped crying as I had to collect youngest dc. I collapsed crying and actually thought I was having a break down earlier. Despite having issues with anxiety in the past I’ve never had any sort of break down and that scared me. I’m at a Carol service tonight with dc so I’ve pulled myself together and doing dinner now. Dh has apologised.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 15:51

I think it freaked dh out too at how upset I was. There is a lot more going on in my life than I’ve put on this thread and the worry about dh’s mum and now dh has added on to pre existing worries about other things and other people. I feel crushed

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 15/12/2022 15:53

I am not surprised you are both at breaking point with this much going on practically, physically and emotionally.

sparkleywallpaper · 15/12/2022 19:19

I have been following this thread and feel for you. You may have mentioned your whereabouts but I cannot remember. Are you anywhere near the Midlands?

EUwannabe · 15/12/2022 19:48

@MyCake do you have anyone close by who can help you a little? Even if it’s just to do the shop, cooking, cleaning? Just so the basics are done- you’ve got so much else to worry about and it sounds like you could do with a lot of help and hugs right now. X

Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:09

@sparkleywallpaper I’m from the Midlands and have lots of family and friends there but I am in the South East.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:09

The carol service was lovely but I nearly cried about 5 times!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:13

@EUwannabe we used to have a cleaner but she stopped cleaning over the summer and it’s impossible to get another one in this area.
We are getting some support from our workplaces and church but we haven’t told lots of people as we don’t know how serious it and don’t want to unnecessarily worry people.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:15

Amazing news earlier that his work place have found a creative way to increase his sick pay. People there really love him and I don’t think he realised how valued he is. Dh is a quiet and humble man and the support he has been shown by work has been overwhelming for him, in a good way!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:16

I’ve recovered from my mini meltdown earlier and stopped shaking but it took a while. I need a big hug!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 15/12/2022 20:16

(And I’m not normally a hugger!)

OP posts:
Caithness · 15/12/2022 20:27

You can have a massive hug from me x

SirVixofVixHall · 15/12/2022 20:44

Sending a hug from here too. It all sounds very frightening but all kinds of diseases can seem terrible pre diagnosis, but be well managed or curable.
I hope you get a proper diagnosis soon OP.

spookymarmite · 15/12/2022 21:23

Sending you hugs x

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