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Original poster

Is anyone awake? I’m expecting bad news and I can’t sleep

1000 replies

MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:32

My dh is unwell and we have no idea what is wrong. We are getting scan results this morning but they were only to rule things out so probably not conclusive. However, I can’t see how this isn’t going to be something serious as he has declined so rapidly.

I feel sick. We’ve already lost most of his income through him being off work so I’m also worried sick about money. We have enough savings to manage another 2 months at the most.

My dc are already suffering, despite them
mot fully understanding how serious the symptoms are, as dh is pretty much housebound and I can’t physically drive them to all the clubs and places they need to go by myself.
I also work full time although thankfully I’m a teacher and break up this week.

My heart is broken just looking at him disappearing in front of me. The doctors are slow to take his symptoms seriously so sadly by the time he was sent to hospital he was already unable to work and very ill. It could of course be something very treatable but at the moment I feel suffocated with the fear of the worst case scenarios.
I am writing this as I’m lonely and scared and wondered if anyone is awake to say hello.

I have name changed in case anyone recognises me from this post. If you do, please don’t mention this as I am doing a great job of appearing strong on the outside.

OP posts:
Jebboo · 04/02/2023 17:27

Have any of the drs mentioned a disorder called cerebral ataxia?

Gazelda · 04/02/2023 17:57

MyCake · 04/02/2023 16:58

Something fairly small has happened and I’ve cried hysterically about it. I hardly ever treat myself and I decided to get myself something I really wanted for the house. Not overly expensive but a nice thing. Within 10 minutes of Getty b it out of the box something unfortunate happened accidentally and it is ruined, not completely but enough that it’s not as lovely as it was.
It tipped me over the edge as it was just another fucking thing to go wrong 😞
I know it’s not relevant to the thread but I needed to say it somewhere

Cry as much as you need to. It doesn't do any good at all to bottle it up.
And I'm not surprised that a seemingly small thing has tipped you over. Your capacity to absorb all the knocks is full and this incident has simply overflowed.
Know that there are many, many people wishing they could hug you and your family.

ProperVexed · 04/02/2023 18:00

You poor love! You are on the edge, quite understandable. Sending you love and hugs. Flowers

Original poster
MyCake · 04/02/2023 19:16

I think I am going to buy another one but not straight away. The first one is still usable as the accident caused it to spill so there is some left. I literally sobbed!
I feel a lot better now and am popping to a friend’s house for a cup of tea this evening.

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 04/02/2023 19:32

Has his prostate been checked? I'm
So sorry you're all going through this. We're all saying it but you're in my thoughts an prayers x

picklemewalnuts · 04/02/2023 19:42

Crying over spilt luxuries is very therapeutic. It gives you an excuse to shed tears and rid yourself of various toxins. So sob at will. I put sad movies on, have a good snivel, then feel much calmer.

StartupRepair · 04/02/2023 20:13

I hope it helped you to have a good cry.

Weenurse · 04/02/2023 22:42

If he is peeing frequently and doesn’t feel empty, could he have a uti on top of everything else?

Reigateforever · 04/02/2023 23:58

I hope see the cup of tea and a good chat at your friend’s helped you to relax a bit for a while. Hugs Flowers

OldFan · 05/02/2023 02:24

Hi @MyCake I just wanted to say that I had a thing where I feel I had to push to get to the end of having a wee. When I happened to start being more active (I can be very sedentary) then it naturally became more normal again. So it could somehow just be because he hasn't been able to get around much.

But of course mention it to the doctors.

I hope you get a solution for what he's going for ASAP xx

OldFan · 05/02/2023 02:25

*going through

rainbowstardrops · 05/02/2023 07:34

It's totally understandable that the mishap tipped you over the edge you poor thing!
Let it all out as and when you need to.

I'm hoping your poor DH gets some answers and treatment soon Flowers

queenrollo · 05/02/2023 07:54

In the aftermath of my DH heart attack I was holding it all together admirably, quite surprised at my depth of resilience and strength. And then I left the toaster on a slightly higher setting than I like and the overdone slice of toast was the End Of The World. It's often something completely unrelated that is the thing that opens the floodgates.
I felt better for it to be honest, so I hope the disappointment of damaging the treat doesn't linger too much and the catharsis of a good cry has helped you the way it did for me.

Mirabai · 05/02/2023 10:43

The wee problem is that he has started to go more but not feeling he is going fully when he does.

You probably know that problems with bladder emptying can be a neurological signifier - related to the pins and needles etc. Def mention it on Tuesday.

Mirabai · 06/02/2023 20:26

Will be thinking of you tomorrow @MyCake 💐

Original poster
MyCake · 06/02/2023 20:35

I feel really depressed today. I think my strength is running out and there are lots of things on my mind as well as dh including worrying about an issue to do with one of my dc, worrying about money, I’ve received a harshly and imo unfairly written rejection letter for something, and am also sad that I am at the stage when my dc are more independent and spend less time with me. I feel lonelier than I’ve felt in ages and generally feel shit and useless.

I’ve only ever been depressed once before in my life and it was awful so I don’t want to end up there. I’m more of an anxious person than a down person, if that makes sense. Not sure how to pull myself out of it 😞

(sorry for derailing my own thread - I might just be tired and hormonal - but I don’t feel like I can tell my one in real life.)

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 06/02/2023 20:53

You can't be the "strong" one 24/7, and it's perfectly OK to fall apart in a heap.

When my Dad was unwell, I had days where I could barely face getting out of bed. And then felt even worse because I knew I wasn't the one going through it all, I was just the bystander.

Very very normal Flowers

samsmum2 · 06/02/2023 21:06

OP you are far from shit and hopeless - you've been amazingly strong at holding it together for so long in such difficult circumstances, that it's not surprising you have periods of feeling rubbish. You're in a highly stressful situation, and as the PP said, you're allowed to collapse in a heap if you need to. But don't think you're necessarily going to revert back to depression. I'm sure you're not - don't be too hard on yourself though, allow yourself your feelings and don't blame yourself for any of this. You're doing great - keep going, and I pray you have some answers soon. 💐

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/02/2023 21:16

Please speak with your doctor about what you are going through. Mild antidepressants might be a good idea now. ?
I hesitate to offer anything other than support, but sometimes we forget we might need medical help as well. 🌹

JarByTheDoor · 06/02/2023 21:40

OP is probably best-placed to know whether this situation has triggered a relapse of clinical depression, or whether the way she feels is entirely proportional to the situation and will ease once things start getting easier… if it's the former, I'd second going to the doctor because the last thing you want is to become ill on top of everything. If it's the latter, I don't know whether antidepressants are going to be that helpful. The side effects of starting antidepressants can be quite physically and mentally unpleasant and last a good week or two for a lot of people, which is a hassle you could do without right now, and then there's a wait of six weeks for them to even start helping, if they help at all, which isn't guaranteed for depression and is even less guaranteed if there are other reasons for the way you're feeling.

Shitty timing of the rejection letter OP, I'm sorry Flowers

Shoemadlady · 06/02/2023 22:55

Please speak to your GP for support. It's no surprise that you're feeling the way you do.
Can your husband be left alone? If not, can you ask family / friend to sit with him for an afternoon? Get out with the kids for a nice walk somewhere and have a tea and cake or something. Sounds silly but getting out with the kids will do you all a favour x

Conkered · 06/02/2023 23:42

You totally deserve some support that's just for you OP Flowers a chat to your GP might help you work out what it is you need to help. They might be able to refer you to a carer's support organisation for some emotional support.

I know teaching is a monumental commitment but please don't feel guilty if you need to take a bit of time. Even just a day here and there to recharge - totally acceptable and reasonable in the circumstances - is there a plan in place for if you do need to take time off? Have you spoken to work about the possibility? Sometimes the worry is worse than the reality - I would hope you'd be supported with full pay. The seemingly endless worry and nervous waiting would take a toll on the best of us - you are allowed to be human x

Reigateforever · 07/02/2023 00:03

I am sorry to hear you are feeling depressed. I am not surprised you are feeling down the way you have being looking after DH, children and work life. Please find the time to help for yourself and contact your gp. I don’t know how old you are but if premenopausal you could think of asking for some sort of HRT.
Today, Tuesday, your DH is supposed to have the consultant’s opinion, have you heard from them?
Take care Hugs Flowers

Ladybug14 · 07/02/2023 05:07

@MyCake you are BOUND to feel low, depressed, anxious, scared, bewildered, devastated, upset and so much more

You are going through hell

When you have some time, it would be a good idea to chat to your GP .... even on the phone. Perhaps a short course of SSRI to support your MH or some NHS CBT/counselling to talk things through with a third party?

You are in my thoughts every day 🥰

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 07/02/2023 07:27

Sending love, prayers and vibes for todays appointments, that you are listened to and DH is fully seen. And allow yourself the space to crash/grieve. Being disempowered in the way you have been is hugely damaging

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