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Original poster

DS wants to drop out of uni (again) and join the army - help!

85 replies

ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 07:32

Ds came home from uni this weekend and said that he thinks university is not for him and he wants to join the army intelligence corps. He's 19, and this is his 2nd go-around at university as he dropped out last year after the first term unhappy with his course and living arrangements. He says that this time, the living arrangements are much better and he's generally happier in himself, but still feels that the (lack of) structure of university life really doesn't suit him, he's wasting money and just wants more job security, to earn money, and to feel like he's doing something 'worthwhile'.

I don't really disagree with his reasoning, want to be supportive, and of course he is an adult and can technically do what he likes, but I feel really worried about this. I just cannot see him even getting through basic training (sorry ds!) - he is so skinny, hasn't done any sport since school, is a quiet and gentle soul who is happiest sitting on his bed, writing songs and playing guitar. I can't see him running miles with a bergen on his back, or face down in a muddy field! I'm also worried that this might be another thing he doesn't stick at.

I don't think university is the be-all-and-end-all (even though I'm a university lecturer!) and I don't really have a moral objection to him going into the army but...I feel winded by his announcement. I'm worried that he's basing this on a couple of CCF camps he did at school which he really enjoyed, but that's not 'real' army life, is it? He's already visited the recruitment office apparently and started his application.

Don't know what I want from this thread really, a bit of reassurance that this could be a good thing? I'm just worried about him and want him to be happy but this seems so...drastic! Anyone got any wise words?

OP posts:
Galarunner · 12/12/2022 07:53

Couldn't he try the officer training corp ( or whatever its called these days) at university for a while before rushing into a decision.

00100001 · 12/12/2022 07:53

Worst case...he drops out of Army.... So what?

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 07:54

Just so as not to drip-feed: DH is just about to go to AOSB (reserves) which I think is partly what has prompted ds's interest. I'm fine about DH, terrified about DS!

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19 years old
BMW6 · 12/12/2022 07:56

It could be a breakthrough for him OP. At the end of the day it is his life and I think you should cheer him on in this.

Are you absolutely positive that you are not biased towards academia because of your preferences and abilities?

fortheloveofflowers · 12/12/2022 07:57

I’d let him do it. He needs to start some training though as he’ll will find the fitness hard.

it could be the making of him or he won’t like and leave but at least he would have tried.

Hancox432 · 12/12/2022 07:59

UNI isn't for everyone. I dropped out twice and am so glad I did in the end. Have a decent job that I worked my way up in from the begining. UNI definitely isn't as prestigious as it used to be and having those years work experience over similar people his age can be invaluable :) I was peer pressured into UNI just because everyone else I knew was going.

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:00

@BMW6 I'm pretty sure I am biased, yes! I'm trying not to be though. DS has good GCSEs and A-levels, he's bright and can be very focused / motivated when he wants to be, but just seems to be struggling with lack of structure at university. He says he doesn't see the point of it and feels he's just wasting his time / building up unnecessary debt etc.

OP posts:
Numsmetbunfight · 12/12/2022 08:00

Let him go to the recruitment office and have a chat with the staff. You never know, it might give him more info upon which to make a decision.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 12/12/2022 08:02

Don’t discount him just because he is skinny, some army peeps I know are thin as rakes.

Ask him about the entrance requirements and what he needs to do to meet them. Then he also needs to find himself while getting into shape and ready for the assessments.

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:03

He's already been to the recruitment office near where he lives. He has talked to them about joining the intelligence corps - they asked him about officer training apparently but he wants to join as a regular... I dunno, I'm just a bit sideswiped by it all!

OP posts:
Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:05

What if he hates that too - then he'll have dropped out of uni twice AND the army!

OP posts:
user1471548941 · 12/12/2022 08:18

You could have written this post about my husband… except swap skinny for overweight!

Dropped out of his law degree, worked as a labourer/in a pub whilst getting an older friend to train him up to get through selection.

He was also in intelligence, served several years including active tours of duty. Decided to leave in his mid twenties as he didn’t think it was his forever job, joined a large global firm on one of their Veteran transfer schemes (background in intelligence VVV useful) was flagged as a future talent and has been promoted and progressed exceptionally quickly.

He now earns 6 figures and did an OU degree part time which he paid for up front so no student debt! The army in him also absolutely stands out- he’s great at housework, ironing etc, very self sufficient, very caring towards others, had the discipline to complete his degree in evenings after work, which makes him a great DH.

I always used to ask when we were dating- why the army as he’s such an weird type for the army! But he explains it that he knew he needed to mature, get more disciplined and simply “grow up” in order to succeed at anything else in life and that the army would give him that. It blows my mind that he had that insight as a teenager- he didn’t serve for many many years but a respectable time to be in a job and it was clearly the making of him.

Missedvocation · 12/12/2022 08:20

I work in military intelligence, not the army (I’m RAF) - but I’ve spent several years working alongside / embedded with the Intelligence corps.

I have worked with hundreds of people who have dropped out of uni and found contentment - whether that be in a Twenty year career or a 6 year stop gap. There are all sorts!

Military life isn’t all that Full Metal Jacket stuff. Basic training may push your DS, and worst case he’s not suited to it and drops out. He still gets paid, he still scratches an itch and has a life experience.

Perhaps he could look at the other services too? If you want any advice on RAF Intelligence drop me a PM.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/12/2022 08:21

Good for him! It might be the making of him. He might be a better fit for the RAF though.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/12/2022 08:23

I think he's suggest the Army to give you "something" rather than have thought it through properly.

Tell him to just join some agencies and get reception work or an apprenticeship with a tradesman or something!

Itisbetter · 12/12/2022 08:24

I’d ask him to join the TA, finish his year at Uni and pass it well, and apply in the summer if he still wants to do it. On the whole it is always better to move from a positive rather than run from a negative and he will be better placed to do well in the army if he’s got into the second year and chose not to go.

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:34

We did suggest RAF but his eyesight is poor - I know this isn't necessarily a bar to all RAF jobs though. I will suggest again.

OP posts:
Shemovesshemoves21 · 12/12/2022 08:36

Do you see him dropping out of uni and possibly the army as some sort of failure on you as a parent? It does come across that way to me.

Honestly, you just need to support his decisions. So what if he drops out? He gave it a go and knows its not for him. He can go get a job and have the structure he wants from the workplace.

He may also love it and go far in an army career.

His choices should not be clouded by your worry about how his 'failures' reflect on you. Everyone finds their feet in different ways.

gogohmm · 12/12/2022 08:38

Do suggest he does officer cadets at university, depending on his subject, there is significant sponsorship available for years 2&3 at university then you proceed straight to officer training from university. My dd is doing this. Means they have their degree, start on far more money etc. also it can take a few months to join up anyway

cansu · 12/12/2022 08:38

I think you know your ds best. It does sound like he is just picking stuff out of the air. If he is not physically strong it is hard to see how he will cope. Is he someone who enjoys being with others as he is going to be stuck with them in close quarters!

MillicentMargaretAmanda · 12/12/2022 08:44

Maybe suggest he looks at degree apprenticeships at the same time as looking at joining the army. Plenty out there with big name companies is all sorts of areas. You work full time and get paid a fairly decent salary while at the same time having time and structure to study and gain a degree paid for by your employer. It may open his eyes to some other options, if he's not previously considered them.

Sidge · 12/12/2022 08:53

There’s worse things he could do…

The Armed Forces offer decent pay, good pension, great career opportunities and some incredible opportunities.

If he gives it a shot and either doesn’t get in or it doesn’t work out at least he had a go. Better to try than not try at all surely?

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:54

@user1471548941 that's interesting, and reassuring! I do think the intcorp would suit ds and it does have lots of application outside of the army, so career-wise it's a good shout. Good to hear that your DH was not the 'typical' army type but thrived!

@Shemovesshemoves21 I don't think it reflects badly on me, as such. Just, I am worried that he's not settling to anything and that this could be just another thing that he tries and gives up. But then again, if he doesn't try...

OP posts:
ihateexcel · 12/12/2022 08:55

My niece is currently doing her Army basic training and its hard, really hard and she trained, had personal fitness sessions and is an experienced runner. Physically and mentally the 14 weeks is gruelling but the benefits from then on are great and I think she is going to have a fantastic career out of it. Lots of recruits have dropped out with injuries so I would suggest him getting his fitness levels high before hand.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 12/12/2022 09:05

ApplesAndCheese · 12/12/2022 08:54

@user1471548941 that's interesting, and reassuring! I do think the intcorp would suit ds and it does have lots of application outside of the army, so career-wise it's a good shout. Good to hear that your DH was not the 'typical' army type but thrived!

@Shemovesshemoves21 I don't think it reflects badly on me, as such. Just, I am worried that he's not settling to anything and that this could be just another thing that he tries and gives up. But then again, if he doesn't try...

It's a tricky one, but I suppose its good that he is trying (and not lazing about doing nothing). Lots of good advice on here re other routes he can take. Hopefully it all goes well for him though.