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Original poster

Feel shit that I haven't done a picture ready party for DD

113 replies

chasseslady · 09/12/2022 17:12

DS is 6.

He has severe special needs but he's beautiful and has come on a lot recently, despite profound disability

I have friends I've met through DD (a baby), and they had children a similar age to my DS.

I've been invited to 2 of their parties and came along to both, with just DD (they also have babies)

Anyway, their parties were amazing and photo ready

Balloon arches, colour coordinated to suit the theme. One had a superhero party, but it was 'tastefully' done in blue and red muted tones

3 tier cakes. Professionally done and looking amazing

Special guest appearances (Peppa pig, and one had Spider-Man)

DJ and childrens entertainer.

The bouncy castle in the theme of the party. The toddler soft play they've rented is a tasteful colour.

A very aesthetically pleasing grazing table

Party bags with each guest's name on

My party for DS is... a red velvet cake from Costco (his favourite), a generic bouncy castle that I don't actually know the colour of until it's delivered, and a random selection of foods I've laid out

I just feel shit. I know DS will love it but what about DD? Assuming she has no development issues, she will want me to pull out all the stops and won't she look back and wonder why I didn't, when everyone else's partners did?

As a 90's kid I loved my 'basic butch' parties but everyone had the same. I just feel so down Blush not sure why I'm posting Sad

Feel shit that I haven't done a picture ready party for DD
Feel shit that I haven't done a picture ready party for DD
Feel shit that I haven't done a picture ready party for DD
OP posts:
CottonSock · 09/12/2022 17:33

Oh the instragram crowd. It's not normal in my friendship / parent groups op, but it seems more common (based on my social media observations) for mums who are probably 20 years younger than me. Problem is, once one does it, they all want to do the same.
Do your own thing. You might find your crowd.

Chrismingle · 09/12/2022 17:34

You are teaching them an important lesson: those elaborate parties are an exercise in consumption and arranging one would be a waste of your time. The amount of fun people have does not correlate with the decorations etc. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean you should do it.

Pumperthepumper · 09/12/2022 17:36

Change it then, if it bothers you so much. Just get red stuff and some balloon arches.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

6 year olds
JuneOsborne · 09/12/2022 17:37

This ain't normal dude. This is not what the vast majority of kids birthday parties are like, I promise.

The main thing at a kids birthday party is that they have fun, and for kids, remember the bar is low. They'd run round an empty hall with half a dozen balloons and say they'd had the best time. All this other stuff you're on about is for the adults, it's to show off. Don't get sucked into it.

As for what she'll think when she's older? She'll think like us lot and say 'what were they thinking!' and have fond memories of her own more fun birthday parties!

TellMeWhere · 09/12/2022 17:38

I know someone like this. The over-dressed parties aren't for the children's benefit, they're for the instagram posts and one-upmanship.

I know someone who has exactly this sort of party but she also treats everyone to the intimate details of at least one fancy dinner out every week, regular jewellery shopping trips, £300 advent calendar openings, £800 shoe gifts from the husband, expensive house purchase and renovation... it's tiring and tone deaf, at best.

EatingWormsMichael · 09/12/2022 17:39

Well you throw a great pity party OP!

Seriously all that stuff you mention isn't for the kids, it's for their social media following, or they enjoy the planning aspect.

Your party is more typical and kids love that type of gig

Doggydarling · 09/12/2022 17:45

Please give your child the type of party children have always had and enjoyed and not these social media photo ops that you've attended recently. My son is an adult now but my absolute favourite birthday photo is from after his party when he was around 8, it was at home, the table looked like a herd of cattle had been though, the floor was covered in toys, old and new, the cake had started out looking nice but someone picked all the smarties off it so we just stuck in extra candles, some kids found the muddy bit in the garden and loved it, others just ran wild around the garden playing chase,my father is sitting at the table shrugging as to say 'well they had fun' and he was right. Once the kids are together, busy and fed its a good party.

1001Daffodils · 09/12/2022 17:47

Honestly, neither of my children have had Instagram worthy parties, but they've always had a fantastic time.

That's all that matters.

Sounds like that's what you're aiming for so just keep doing what you're doing and stop playing the comparison game.

Echobelly · 09/12/2022 17:48

No one will care. He won't care. You don't have to put pics on social media.

When my kids were younger I went to lots of parties where people had made or bought beautiful cakes that looked like castles and mermaids and everything. I made cakes for my kids that tasted good but didn't look like anything , I cannot decorate cakes to save my life. Kids never complained about lack of cake novelty appearance, and I put my shonky cakes on FB without shame. As people have said, the show is for the parents not the kids.

I have just asked my kids (now 11 & 14) and they say they have no sense of disappointment at all that their parties did not feature fancy presentation and my son remembered fondly just getting a shop-bought caterpillar cake a few years ago!

Coxspurplepippin · 09/12/2022 17:48

You do know that kids want a plate of sausage rolls, a few balloons, a bit of a dance, pass the parcel and a sugar coma inducing bag of Haribo and that's it? All the balloon arch twaddle is the parents showing off, it's not done for the kids. Your DS will love his party and his favourite cake.

Echobelly · 09/12/2022 17:49

Also, if anyone would look at some other parent's party pictures and berate their lack of insta-friendliness, they are not people whose opinions are worthy of respect.

nova99 · 09/12/2022 17:49

Having been to at least 10 kids parties over the last year or so, in the same age bracket as your DS, I can safely say the most popular option has been the local social club, which is not aesthetic at all (phoenix nights kinda place), ballons on the floor to kick about and some balloons pinned up, a cheap and cheerful entertainer and a typical Buffett of sandwiches, crisps sausage rolls etc. It's been done In the exact same venue with the same entertainer 3 times now, and it's by far the cheapest but most attended kind of party.
These were all whole class parties so not really an option of doing them at home, but kids just want jelly, party games and a party bag and to run about as much as possible. Something as pretty looking as that Spider-Man table above would be destroyed in minutes 🤣

orangegato · 09/12/2022 17:51

Be grateful yours was about your child not just for instagram. Those parents grind my gears.

drkpl · 09/12/2022 17:51

Mine is 4 very soon. I’ve been overwhelmed with work and so I’m just doing a last minute tea party with a few of his friends. He seems happy. If I’m honest, I don’t have the energy or organisational skills to pull off a picture perfect party- and I don’t think my kid will care tbh

GreyCarpet · 09/12/2022 17:55

This reminds me of the time my daughter got the class teddy bear and his diary for the weekend.

Until we got it, all Ted had done was sit and watch dance classes, eat fast food and go to the park. When Ted came to us, my husband baked cakes with it and took it out somewhere quite spectacular (I can't remember where now - was a long time ago!) Purely because we had a one off trip booked that weekend.

He did it deliberately with photos etc to see what the effect would be.

The next time we got Ted, it was hilarious. Ted had been to the ballet, been skiing, cooked elaborate meals... my husband had sparked a parental Ted weekend one-upmanship contest.

Ted enjoyed going to the park just as much as he enjoyed the ballet (probably more tbh) and enjoyed going to maccies as much as he enjoyed cooking (probably more tbh).

Moral of the tale is that Ted (and your child) just enjoyed spending time with his friend having fun and everything else was for the benefit of the parents. Ted and the children didn't give a shiny shit 😉

Your son will love it. As will his friends. And no one is going to get antsy about balloons being burst at the wrong time.

Have fun.

MoanySloney · 09/12/2022 17:56

Your kids won't give a flying fuck as long as they have fun.

I noticed there are no actual children on those photos which kind of defeats the purpose in my eyes. I'd love to see the white one after the party because it wouldn't look half as clean and fancy!

GreyCarpet · 09/12/2022 17:56

(Skiing at the nearby town's indoor ski place. Not the alps. I'm not sure anyone would go that far 🤣)

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 17:57

Kids parties are meant to be fun. Not 'tasteful'.
My party for DS is... a red velvet cake from Costco (his favourite), a generic bouncy castle that I don't actually know the colour of until it's delivered, and a random selection of foods I've laid out

Sounds exactly the right sort of thing.

The only photo or video needed is of the birthday child with the cake, maybe people singing Happy Birthday.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 17:59

This reminds me of the time my daughter got the class teddy bear and his diary for the weekend.

Please, please, don't indulge in oneupTedship. Grin

WonderingWanda · 09/12/2022 18:01

Honestly kids don't care about colour schemes They care about how many party rings they can eat and how many sweets are in their party bag. Your children will care that they had some fun with their friends. Who cares what the other insta perfect parents think.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/12/2022 18:02

A simple party is absolutely fine

But can we not slag off parents who hire soft play items / have nice decorations etc. They aren’t better or worse parents for it, but the reverse snobbery of people who like to throw nice parties etc on here is really tiring.

(I will concede that balloon arches are dreadful though, terrible for the environment)

WonderingWanda · 09/12/2022 18:02

Although, you have no idea what they think, just what you imagine they think in your head. I would be thinking that you are a great parent for hosting a party for your dc. I would be thinking the insta parents were probably almighty show offs and I have never been that impressed by show offs.

GreyCarpet · 09/12/2022 18:04

ShirleyPhallus · 09/12/2022 18:02

A simple party is absolutely fine

But can we not slag off parents who hire soft play items / have nice decorations etc. They aren’t better or worse parents for it, but the reverse snobbery of people who like to throw nice parties etc on here is really tiring.

(I will concede that balloon arches are dreadful though, terrible for the environment)

It's not about slagging them off. It's about recognising that it's for the benefit of the adults and not the children. The children don't care. If the parents want to do it - fair enough - but children just want to have fun with their friends.

Climbles · 09/12/2022 18:05

Who does this? We’ve always lived in ‘posh’ areas due to getting an early inheritance. Never has anyone done any birthday parties nearly as wank as those pictures. There have been family’s that spent a fortune on real ponies or expensive cakes etc but nothing like those pictures. You must move in very odd circles.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 09/12/2022 18:05

Gosh I'm feeling very out of touch. Didn't know what photo-ready meant...!

Goodness me, yours sounds lovely and normal, not staged and forced. How grim and unnecessarily competitive. No doubt they had a party company to do it all.

I would say if you feel pressure to fall in line with your photo-ready friends then it might be worth reconsidering their friendship.

Do what you want to do. It'll be fun and fabulous and relaxed. If people look down their noses, stuff 'em.