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Original poster

Only children/small families and the impact on future generations extended family...

92 replies

Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:25

Right before I begin, please understand I'm not judging anyone's life choices...I'm just musing on life. I totally understand why, especially nowadays, lots of people have an only child or maybe just two kids max... expense, health reasons, secondary infertility etc...I get it.

I've been thinking a lot about this recently as it's coming up to Christmas. Some people have very small or no extended family and spend Christmas alone and others have absolutely hoards of people to spend time with...and throughout the year, big family parties.

No one in my family is an only child but we have had lots of bad luck, people seem to die quite young and others have moved abroad. I couldn't host an actual proper party with just family as I don't have enough people. Dh could as he has loads of brothers and sisters and more nieces and nephews than you can count.

Anyway...I do know lots of friends and acquaintances who only have one child...like I say I'm not judging. But I am wondering (as it's more common nowadays than in previous decades) if lots of people in the future will just not have a big or any extended family because of this and whether this will impact loneliness within society? Will most people just not have large family gatherings and big Christmas celebrations?

Any thoughts welcome..

OP posts:
ChristmasJumpers · 01/12/2022 14:29

I am an only child and I'm currently pregnant with what will be my only baby (IVF after years of trying)
I'm very lucky in that my mum is one of 7 so I have cousins & second cousins coming out of my ears!

I've noticed that compared to others, my Christmases are blissfully uncomplicated as I don't have to worry about where siblings are spending theirs, who has to spend it with who, keeping things fair etc. So it's quite nice really but I know it's a different story for those from very small families

Original poster
Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:33

ChristmasJumpers · 01/12/2022 14:29

I am an only child and I'm currently pregnant with what will be my only baby (IVF after years of trying)
I'm very lucky in that my mum is one of 7 so I have cousins & second cousins coming out of my ears!

I've noticed that compared to others, my Christmases are blissfully uncomplicated as I don't have to worry about where siblings are spending theirs, who has to spend it with who, keeping things fair etc. So it's quite nice really but I know it's a different story for those from very small families

Wishing you all the best with your baby!

It's lovely you have cousins and I'm genuinely not trying rain on your parade but my point was for future generations. You are having one child and you are an only child. Your mum was one of seven but future generations won't have seven kids..most will have one or two maximum I'd imagine so your families future generations won't have hoards of cousins like you do.

OP posts:
RidingMyBike · 01/12/2022 14:35

I don't have a big extended family. I have no uncles, aunts or cousins. My grandparents all died decades ago. I have one sibling I usually see once a year, if that. And I only have one child. My DH similarly never had an extended family and only has one living relative now, other than me and DD.

Christmas is great. We can spend it just as us three. I've never seen the attraction of having hordes of people round, having to organise food and presents and who is seeing who when. We have a nice quiet family Christmas, don't travel anywhere if we can possibly avoid it, and it's really lovely.

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Families
stackhead · 01/12/2022 14:36

I think you mis-judge the 'joy' around big family parties and get togethers.

I have 11 cousins on my mums side, I haven't seen one of them for over 15 years. Getting everyone in the same room is impossible, even at weddings only half go.

On the other side organising a family do is a nightmare because of the bitchiness and politics.

And whilst I love my sister, there's a big feeling of obligation there.

I'm kinda glad my only won't have to navigate those waters!

frozendaisy · 01/12/2022 14:37

There will be many who make their friends their family they choose as you said there will be many in the same position.

VogueDarling · 01/12/2022 14:40

I have one sibling who lives abroad

Multiple cousins from both my parents siblings but I only actually see/interact with 2 of them

My dc is an only child there will 100% be no siblings

However at Christmas we spent alot of time with our friends, our closest friends have 1 dc too and we go on big holidays together and as a friendship group we are very close

I suppose what I am saying is you don't need to be related "by blood" to enjoy big festive parties, whilst my household may be small with just 3 of us it's never ending rotation of parties and events constantly never mind just at Christmas

ChristmasJumpers · 01/12/2022 14:41

Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:33

Wishing you all the best with your baby!

It's lovely you have cousins and I'm genuinely not trying rain on your parade but my point was for future generations. You are having one child and you are an only child. Your mum was one of seven but future generations won't have seven kids..most will have one or two maximum I'd imagine so your families future generations won't have hoards of cousins like you do.

Show quote history

I see what you mean. I don't think it will be an issue down the line as we tend to have small Christmases anyway, I wouldn't want to spend it with cousins or extended family. Family is definitely what you make of it too, we've had friends over for Christmas in the past who didn't have family to spend it with that year.

I think the answer to if it will be an issue will vary depending on the individual

emmathedilemma · 01/12/2022 14:41

Will most people just not have large family gatherings and big Christmas celebrations?
You do realise that not everyone with big families has gatherings and big parties anyway?? I honestly couldn't tell you the last time i saw any of my cousins.

Original poster
Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:42

VogueDarling · 01/12/2022 14:40

I have one sibling who lives abroad

Multiple cousins from both my parents siblings but I only actually see/interact with 2 of them

My dc is an only child there will 100% be no siblings

However at Christmas we spent alot of time with our friends, our closest friends have 1 dc too and we go on big holidays together and as a friendship group we are very close

I suppose what I am saying is you don't need to be related "by blood" to enjoy big festive parties, whilst my household may be small with just 3 of us it's never ending rotation of parties and events constantly never mind just at Christmas

Well yes perhaps this will be the future for lots of people.

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 01/12/2022 14:43

No large extended family here. Ds only child.

We spend Christmas doing a mixture of stuff just the three of us, getting out and about, and having some friends and neighbours over at some point.

Ds isn’t lonely.

thedevilinablackdress · 01/12/2022 14:44

Lots of people already don't have large extended families. This is nothing new. I'm 50 and can think of very few people I know who have more than one sibling or any at all.
And large families definitely don't necessarily equal large !or happy) gatherings.

lovelypidgeon · 01/12/2022 14:45

I think you're right, in future generations there will be fewer people with a large extended families but I'm not sure this will be better or worse- just different.

I have a very large extended family but don't really like many of them. So family gatherings etc can be a nightmare, with expectations to invite lots of people I barely know and some that I actively dislike (my wedding was the worst for this). DH has very few family members so there are no expectations of huge family gatherings/arguments over who should host Xmas etc. His parents have a lot more gatherings etc with friends than mine do, I assume because mine are always busy with family.

VillageCottageEmo · 01/12/2022 14:46

I am one of 6 siblings.

I spend Christmas alone (with my DDs).

One of my parents is entirely absent after being in and out of my life since the divorce when I was a baby, the other is an abusive addict, my siblings are enablers/FOG/also addicts.

I have 12 cousins on my addict parents side.

We weren’t close growing up and barely saw each other, only 1 of them is on my social media.

What you will see on SM over Christmas to NYE is a beautifully decorated large dining room, with approx 15 well dressed people sat around it, the outdoor fire pit area, the family/entertaining room, having a jolly good time.

What you won’t see is the bottle of gin my mother tanked through the day, or the coke in the toilet that she snorted that my niece found because she left it on the sink, or my brother sneaking out for a joint every couple of hours, or my sister screaming hissy fits that happen, etc.

Just saying.

iklboo · 01/12/2022 14:47

I'm an only, DS is an only. Mum & dad had few siblings each. I'm only in touch with one cousin.

DH parents split & remarried. He has three brothers, two step brothers, two step sisters and all their children.

He much, much prefers the 'fewer people' type Christmas. The last time we went to MIL's she had to do two sittings, not counting the children and it wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone.

Original poster
Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:47

I think you're right, in future generations there will be fewer people with a large extended families but I'm not sure this will be better or worse- just different

Yes I think having loads of aunts/uncles and cousins will be a thing of the past.

If your parents each have one sibling and they have one of two DC.. then you will only have 2-4. Huge families will be rare

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 01/12/2022 14:50

Anecdotally there seem to be plenty of people that don't have big family Christmases now.

Luminousnose · 01/12/2022 14:51

I have 14 cousins. I’m in contact with two of them, both of whom live abroad. My DH has loads of cousins and second cousins, but they are also abroad. So even if you have a huge extended family, it doesn’t mean they’ll be local. I love a big gathering, but we just invite friends.

RidingMyBike · 01/12/2022 14:51

I've never been to a big family party. No idea what I'm missing but I've never felt I'm missing anything?!

DarkForces · 01/12/2022 14:53

Thanks for you 'non judgemental concern' but we're looking forward to our small family Christmas. I find large gatherings hard work so we're good

spiderontheceiling · 01/12/2022 14:53

Our family is not only small on both sides but with children having been more well into 20s if not 30s. It means my children get very bored as, whilst "everyone" comes to us, that is 3x grandparents all in their late 70s, my DBro & his wife (both 40s) and BIL (also 40s) and then the DC. That's it.
Luckily, friends around the corner have a similar set up and similar age DC so we often meet up with the kids for at least an hour or two on Xmas Eve and Boxing Day just so the DC can play with people their own age for a short while.

Organzo · 01/12/2022 14:53

Humans are inherently social beings. Where people do not have blood family they can find connection elsewhere.

I will have an only child, I hope (fertility issues and pretty much certainly don't want to go through treatment twice!) but I don't particularly worry about them lacking companionship.

I have friends and lots of them, including friends who are like family, who I happily spend holidays and Christmases with. If I have a child, they will have close connections with my friends' children. They will be raised in an environment that encourages social connections and close friendships.

People don't have to be linked by blood in order to have connection and closeness. You can choose your own family if you want to.

TheLeadbetterLife · 01/12/2022 14:54

who plans their family based on some Hallmark movie idea of what Christmas Day should look like?

I’m from an average-sized family but I don’t spend Christmas with them - too stressful and noisy.

We’re a childfree couple and we have a lovely, peaceful Christmas with other childfree friends.

Christmas is traditionally a time for rest and feasting - a piss up because it’s too cold and dark to do any productive farming. The idea that it’s all about family is very, very recent, and the pressure that idea puts on a lot of people to live up to the adverts and movies is unhelpful in my view.

It’s time off work and a roast dinner. It should be spent however people like.

Original poster
Comedycook · 01/12/2022 14:54

DarkForces · 01/12/2022 14:53

Thanks for you 'non judgemental concern' but we're looking forward to our small family Christmas. I find large gatherings hard work so we're good

No need to be sarcastic...I'm looking at it and wanting to discuss it not out of concern but interested in the change within society

OP posts:
Tirrrrred · 01/12/2022 14:55

I have no grandparents or aunts uncles or cousins. I have 2 siblings that are child free. I do feel sad.

RaymondB · 01/12/2022 14:59

I don’t have any children and so many people come to my house for Christmas it has to be spread across the three days so one year we do Christmas Eve my husbands family, Christmas Day my family, Boxing Day friends. Then the next year my family and my husbands swap. Then between Christmas and new year we visit far flung people who couldn’t make it and anyone else who couldn’t make it and New Year’s Eve we hire a venue and all three groups plus neighbours and colleagues come.

Some people like huge a huge Christmas and some like a quiet christmas. I have a friend who comes to me on Boxing Day who is one of 7 children but has Christmas at home with her husband and child rather than go to her parents house with her siblings or her husbands house with his 2 other siblings because they like things calm and quiet for Christmas Day and they spend half of Christmas eve at each of their parents house instead.