Only children/small families and the impact on future generations extended family...

[Comedycook]

Right before I begin, please understand I'm not judging anyone's life choices...I'm just musing on life. I totally understand why, especially nowadays, lots of people have an only child or maybe just two kids max... expense, health reasons, secondary infertility etc...I get it.

I've been thinking a lot about this recently as it's coming up to Christmas. Some people have very small or no extended family and spend Christmas alone and others have absolutely hoards of people to spend time with...and throughout the year, big family parties.

No one in my family is an only child but we have had lots of bad luck, people seem to die quite young and others have moved abroad. I couldn't host an actual proper party with just family as I don't have enough people. Dh could as he has loads of brothers and sisters and more nieces and nephews than you can count.

Anyway...I do know lots of friends and acquaintances who only have one child...like I say I'm not judging. But I am wondering (as it's more common nowadays than in previous decades) if lots of people in the future will just not have a big or any extended family because of this and whether this will impact loneliness within society? Will most people just not have large family gatherings and big Christmas celebrations?

Any thoughts welcome..

Sorry to hear that. All my gps and parents are dead now. I feel lucky I wasn't an only child Andi get on with my sister. If anything I wish my parents had had more children so I'd have another sibling or two!

I'm not judging but what a sad little life they'll have

There aren't enough eye rolls in the world. Go worry about your own problems and not the hypothetical problems of hypothetical single child families.

I'm not looking for an "answer".

Sorry to hear that. All my gps and parents are dead now. I feel lucky I wasn't an only child Andi get on with my sister. If anything I wish my parents had had more children so I'd have another sibling or two!

If anyone believed your wide-eyed "I'm not judging, just wondering" they can see your true agenda now.

Why so defensive?

I think the problem is a lot of people happy with their tiny Christmas are not looking further down the line. They say they enjoy their little three and visit cousins, but once an only marries an only and has an only there are no cousins so future down the line that person doesn’t have that choice it’s make their own big family, marry a big family or hope that all your friends are also onlys and wanting to meat up over what’s traditionally considered as family times.

It’s not right or wrong it’s what suits each family unit best but ops looking further ahead not insulting your current family set up.

Meat 🥩 oops meet 😅

No agenda. That's my life. I'm looking to discuss the impact on society. Gone are the days of people routinely having seven kids and people having twenty cousins. Those generations are dying out. Current and future ones will have one or two DC max. I think it's interesting and it's impact on various aspects of our lives will be interesting.

They say they enjoy their little three and visit cousins, but once an only marries an only and has an only there are no cousins so future down the line that person doesn’t have that choice it’s make their own big family, marry a big family or hope that all your friends are also onlys and wanting to meat up over what’s traditionally considered as family times

Yes that's exactly what I mean. I was thinking about it as well because my friends parents are both only children and consequently they have no aunts, uncles and cousins.

Why is your post about only children when you say in your opening post that no one in your family is an only child but that despite that you couldn’t get a big family Christmas together.

You could be posing the question what does people living far away from their families mean for big family Christmases in future, or what does people dying young mean for big family Christmases in future but no, slag off the parents of only children again.

It’s not right or wrong it’s what suits each family unit best but ops looking further ahead not insulting your current family set up.

But OP doesn't need to look ahead for other people. Christmas doesn't HAVE to be massive family gatherings. It's only an issue if it's what you're used to and want.

I was just explaining my circumstances before anyone jumped on me and called me smug.

DH is an only child - they spent a few Christmases with MIL cousin family -few at welfare club with other kids - but from late primary onward on holiday just three of them. I suspect largely to avoid MIL aging parents - they had her brother who lived with them - my FIL spent 30+ years refusing to talk to his FIL because he a man known to be going deaf didn't hear him one day start a conversation with him.

Oddly once we were married we had to spend Christmas with them - very joyless and we had to get there before they came back to heat house and get groceries and then have MIL police and comment on what we ate. Once we had pfb and it turned out the expected us to go over early via long public transport journey to cold house again with very young baby - so I put my foot down rather than drag our kids up and down the country in winter- and we've had it just us every since.

We see IL many other times of the year and they spend it at home with MIL sibling who did all caring for their parenst till they passed. My family didn't really want us over that time of year anyway - so it's just us - DH me and our three children and I think we really enjoy it - though I think DH enjoy his childhood ones as well.

Neither DH or I have really seen much of our cousins growing up or as adults - my siblings don't really bother much with our kids and there's been little interest in fostering relationship between their kids and mine.

I always wanted one DC due to financial reasons and having more resources for one child, as well as energy and attention etc. However, I’m NC with my only sibling and DP is an only child therefore we’ve not lots of people in our extended family, don’t want that for our children. Can’t beat having people around you.

You could be posing the question what does people living far away from their families mean for big family Christmases in future, or what does people dying young mean for big family Christmases in future but no, slag off the parents of only children again

Why would I discuss people dying young. As time goes by, that's rarere not more common. My family just had bad luck

But you future grandchildren will not have cousins on your side and may or may not have cousins depending on their other parents side.

So what?

Well why is it in your OP then? There are a range of circumstances under which people have smaller groups of people to meet with at Christmas - that’s one of them - but the only one we’re supposed to care about is only children?

So you’re no contact with your sibling but that will definitely not happen to your children? No guarantees you know. Maybe you should have had 10 to be on the safe side, obviously siblings are literally the only way to have people in your life.

My DD(18) has only ever known a small Christmas; her, DH and me. We don't need a crowd to have a great time.

She also likes to go out with friends. I hope she creates her own "village" not just for Christmas but for every day life rather than depending on blood family.

Really? Just musing without judgement? Are you really? Some of us can’t have more than one child. I’m flouncing but I honestly give up. Bye, mumsnet.

I have an enormous family on my maternal side. My maternal grandparents had 5 DCs, four of them have 2 DCs each and one has 3 DCs.
All of us grandchildren now have DCs of our own - Dsis only has one, most of my cousins have 2, me and another cousin have 3, and then another cousin has 5.
We are planning a big family get together just before Christmas, and at last count up for the buffet, all the children and partners, grandchildren and partners, great-grandchildren and some of their partners we were at 80-something 😳🤯 Practically need crowd control at this point 😂
I love it when we all get together. But at the same time I love a quiet Christmas Day at home with my own DCs.

But that hasn't happened in my family since at least the 1950s really!

My parents had family but didn't see them. Partly due to distance, partly due to cost and partly down to not wanting to.

Many of them emigrated or moved to the other side of the country. It just wasn't viable to see them.

Big family Christmases have never been a thing for me as a result. I find family meet ups difficult on my side and excruciating with DH's side (he hates it with his family even more than I do!)

The narrative of a big family Christmas comes from families who live close together. Even going back another generation to my great grandparents this doesn't hold true.

This is more about the breakdown of communities you stayed in your whole life and never left because you could just get a job doing what your parents did and live in the same town as generations before than big extended families in themselves.

That started post WWII for most (though always I think in my family by the look of it - there's a definite trend which contrasts with DH's family history).

Future generations will leave their own stamp on Christmas. So I wouldn't worry about it especially as there will be more only children or children with older parents...

As for now, in both my own family and DH family we tend to do our own thing. We did have big family Christmas in the past but everyone is just that bit older and nobody really wants to host Christmas on a big scale anymore. Add some of our nices and nephews have their own DC's....
And you end up with a huge Christmas 18+ people or a tiny Christmas with 4-6 people.

Ditto.

I'm an only child, (not through choice) and my dd is an only child (again, not through choice). All the older relatives I did have, well they are all dead. Three of my grandparents died before I was born, and both my parents died over 30 years ago. I have one cousin, who I have met a handful of times, and he now lives the other side of the world. I have no aunts or uncles, they are all dead.

I got used to small Christmas gatherings from birth onwards. Just as well really.

I'm telling you this OP, because there are many other people in a similar (extended family-free) situation to mine, and posts like yours could be incredibly upsetting for them. So perhaps you need to think about that, instead of rubbing people's noses in it.

Big families can be a pain when organising Christmas.

On my side we see my sister and family, and my parents.

On his side, we're expected (but do not comply) with attending six gatherings of family and "good as family" friends. That doesn't in fact include my FILs family as MIL doesn't want to see them. All of those are different permutations of her extended family.

(my own family is actually huge, but we only bother with the ones we're close to)