Things That Shouldn’t Be Said To Children

[SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows]

I get quite upset hearing parents deal with sometimes really little children. For example, I was at work & a little girl was dawdling in the shop. Her dad said “ Ok we’ll leave you then”. Heard this so often & how awful for the child who doesn’t understand that the parent wouldn’t actually do that. When I worked as a nanny, one of the Mums used to threaten that “ Beryl” would come & get her 3 year old. I took her on the tube once & she was inconsolable when a woman near us called her friend “ Beryl”. However, it was sweet revenge when the Mum was attempting to dry the little girl’s hair & she was struggling, saying “No, I want Beryl to do it”!
I’ve also heard parents threaten their kids with the police & even that they would send them to hospital if they didn’t behave. Why don’t they think before they speak?

Exactly.

Calling them stupid/dumb, stop crying there's nothing wrong with you

Sounds like something DS (now 18 and at Cambridge) would have done !

So because your abusive mother traumatised you in one way, you cannot understand others being traumatised by thinking they’re being left somewhere?

Yes but why was it an issue? 😂Was it past her bedtime?

@Lilgamesh2 I think that is the problem with the nuclear option, you haven't left yourself anywhere to go.

One morning my toddler wouldn't get dressed, I'd stupidly started changing her nappy even though she was clearly on one. Tried everything. In the end, I was like "OK, well, I'm off then" and went downstairs and opened and closed the front door. Zero fucks given. Then I was just stuck downstairs with a still fully naked toddler and the additional worry that she was pooing on the carpet.

Hasn't every parent threatened to leave their 3 year old somewhere?

My dad would always 'send for the police' or threaten to send me to 'an orphanage'. I might try that on him if he gives me any trouble - he's 90 now and I'm his carer.

What was wrong with her watching the speech?

Haha this is exactly my worry!

I hope your carpet was ok!

And I’m not being judgy!

Omg it's seen a TikTok about this 😂 vm.tiktok.com/ZMFQLfE8d/

But I fi said that to you - you'd happily had enough of your lasagne but left a certain amount. And that amount is what I deem to be too much. How would you react if I said to you "Come on Climbie, just one more bite of lasagne now". Would you be fine with that? Or understand why I've asked you to do that? Or would you be a bit like "err, no thanks, I'm finished"

And what does that "one more bite" achieve? it's not exactly going to be the difference between them being hungry or not 20 minutes later if they've only had 2 mouthfuls, and now it's been 3. Or if they've eaten most of it and shave stopped because they're full.. the one more bite will just teach them to over-eat in the long run.

I get it OP, sometimes I hear people say things to children that I consider really bad, but obviously the person thinks is benign. Hopefully not very often, but it happens. More often than not it seems to stem from an effort to be or be seen as a 'good parent'. Most people do the best they can.
Anyway there are enough horror stories that remind us that there are no qualifications or checks needed to bring someone into the world and have unfettered control over their lives.

"Come on Climbie, just one more bite of lasagne now". Would you be fine with that? Or understand why I've asked you to do that? Or would you be a bit like "err, no thanks, I'm finished"

The difference between being an adult who understands the need to eat and nourish their body and a child who for many reasons (few of which are to do with actually eating enough) may want to leave their food on their plate.

My DS would literally starve himself if he thought something more interesting was happening. He’s underweight and needs to be encouraged to eat. Sometimes the one or two more bites effectively doubles his food intake for that meal, sometimes he’ll continue eating beyond that. If you’ve not had a child who will chronically under eat given the chance, you can’t say how you’d encourage them to eat.

If he’s eaten most of his meal and leaves a bit, that’s fine. If he’s moved the food around the plate then yes it’ll be “eat a couple of bites and see how you feel.

What was wrong with her watching the speech?

Presumably because Liz Truss' conference speech was bloody awful.

@00100001 one more bite encourages them to keep trying things that they don’t like the first time. One more bite teaches them that we don’t get to eat all the best bits on the plate and leave all the vegetables. It’s the compromise between making them eat a whole plate full of something they don’t want, and leaving them to only eat what they want. I’m not sure I really see that me making my 8 year old eat some more vegetables before he’s allowed to go and play with his Lego, which he’d much rather do, is going to lead to a lifetime of overeating. I’m not sitting there saying ‘isn’t this chocolate cake delicious, are you really sure you don’t want any more?’.

Can you write a parenting book for us, op?

Exactly in fact it is good to not be perfect all the time as it gives you the chance to model apologies and repairing your relationship, which is a far more important skill for them in life than always being right.
Now that I've got into the habit of apologising and repairing, I'm far less stressed about getting things right the first time as I know I can sort it if necessary, so in fact I'm more likely to get things right due to being less stressed in the first place!

Also I would second all of @00100001 's posts, really well put, thanks for sharing.

I dont see anything wrong with so much listed here baring the truly awful of course. Parents are only human. You can't be perfect.

See poem 'they fuck you up, your mum and dad'.

I never battled my kids about eating, I just don’t get it. ig they don’t want to eat any more then that’s fine. I always kept it for later in case they wanted to finish it then.

I did used to say bye then if they were being slow, everyone does that don’t they?

I literally work with traumatised adults. And in 15 years of doing so no one had ever been traumatised by their parent pretending to leave them in a shop. And yes, people on this forum need to get a fucking a grip with stuff like this. How invalidating for actual sufferers of childhood trauma to have to listen to nonsense like this.

My mum did leave me in a shop. I was a week old and parked up outside and she forgot she had me and got practically all the way home before she remembered 😂

More to the point, have you ever read any?