Things That Shouldn’t Be Said To Children

[SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows]

I get quite upset hearing parents deal with sometimes really little children. For example, I was at work & a little girl was dawdling in the shop. Her dad said “ Ok we’ll leave you then”. Heard this so often & how awful for the child who doesn’t understand that the parent wouldn’t actually do that. When I worked as a nanny, one of the Mums used to threaten that “ Beryl” would come & get her 3 year old. I took her on the tube once & she was inconsolable when a woman near us called her friend “ Beryl”. However, it was sweet revenge when the Mum was attempting to dry the little girl’s hair & she was struggling, saying “No, I want Beryl to do it”!
I’ve also heard parents threaten their kids with the police & even that they would send them to hospital if they didn’t behave. Why don’t they think before they speak?

Totally agree with you on this. I can’t stand the ‘bye, then/ I’ll leave you here’ style of parenting. I always go with ‘Mummy needs to go somewhere else now and I’d really like you to come with me’.

Works every time.

That's a bit much. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. And it is not unreasonable for those children to know it's all bullshit

Persuading children to eat a small spoonful of vegetables is a
good thing in most circumstances. I think it takes something like 9 attempts to acquire a taste for a particular food. I'd never insist my DC cleared their plates, but I would expect them to try new foods.

As for consequences, again a good thing for children to learn that behaviour has consequences but to be effective it has to be a) real and b) appropriate. So obviously the children's home nasty policemen are unwise and cruel, but telling a child that if they don't hurry up you won't have time to go to the park after the shops is real - especially if you carry it out.

The consequences of not parenting children are Adults who don't eat vegetables and don't think they need to be anywhere on time.

Works every time on your child. Not mine.

Wait, what?

You said all of the above to your child over the course of a weekend?

Talk about keeping therapists in business..

It depends on the situation though. My godson aged 4 has got into a very bad habit of stealing in shops, I found out to my shock.
He ran off from his mum & me and we found him in the mini supermarket eating an item.
So his mum took the item off him, told him off, and gave it to the shop assistant who she then asked to tell him off as well which he did but obviously very reluctantly as my godson is small & cute.
We also threatened him with the police. Cue tantrums and tears yet he tried stealing something else later!!
The thing is that the criminal age of responsibility is ten, if he doesn't learn now then in 6 years time being cute won't cut it.

We had Miriam and Steve 🤣. If the kids were really playing up we’d say they’d be round to pick them up. We’d give them really interesting jobs. Steve would work in the iPad factory and got to take iPads for free as a perk of the job and Miriam worked for a Cadbury’s, although we’d change their jobs depending on what the kids were really into. I think she was last known to be manufacturing micro bits with an Easter Egg factory as a second job.

It’s now a running joke in the house and the kids make up what jobs these fictional people have. I don’t think anyone needs to be calling SS over it.

I always go with ‘Mummy needs to go somewhere else now and I’d really like you to come with me’.

When my child is in an “I don’t want to” mood, they couldn’t give a shiny shit whether mummy would really like them to come with me - they need to be clearly told to get a move on. Oddly enough different things work for different chikdren in different moods, who’d have thought it!

No need to get uppity.

It's the difference between having a connection with your child (I.e. your approach as far as I can tell) and an obedient child with a lazy domineering parent getting their way. I was raised under the latter and hope to achieve the former, so all these scare tactics to manipulate kids are out the window. Yes it's harder work but I think worth it in the end.

In truth though, not everything has to be a battle ground. The ‘I will leave you here’ approach doesn’t work for my kids. It only serves to upset them and then we’re even longer getting to where we need to be.

Because the alternative is to spend 30 minutes persuading a reluctant child to move when you have to get somewhere. Life can't always be what a child wants to do.

‘Uppity’?! Oh well at least you didn’t resort to pass agg flowers and ‘I’m sorry you struggled with your dc’ like I received 😂

Yep. My DD, I don't want to go. Or even - I'd like you to stay with me.

We did a project on 'Fantasy' in reception, where the teachers told us! In RECEPTION!! Luckily I didn't really believe them.

"I'm going to have you put away in a children's home". "All children are born as a result of accidents". Said to me frequently when I was a young teenager. Now my mother is nice as pie to me "I wanted you so much" "I loved you so much when you were born" Now she's old and frail and I'm one of her carers & she wants me round all the time. No wonder I suffer with anxiety.

DH always used to be told his parents would move when he was at school.

There’s lots of evidence to show that children need boundaries to feel safe and secure. And lots of evidence that if you’re warm and loving most of the time you can slip up sometimes. I wish people would not be quite so judgemental. As a parent you need to do what is right for your child and not what they want all the time. So what do people do with a child who refuses to eat and is losing weight, a child who needs to be at a medical appointment in 5 minutes, a child who is making driving dangerous because they’re taking their seatbelt off? Children don’t always have the skills and maturity to judge what is best for them.

"Come on we are going now".
" I don't want to"
" Yes I can see that, it is difficult to leave something/ somewhere you are enjoying"
"I'm not coming"
" I am afraid you have to or we will miss the bus/be late for school/ leave our friends waiting for us"

Calm, factual acknowledging their thoughts and feelings.

Yes but what do you actually then do when they ignore you and don’t move?

Also for DS aged 6-8 years.
You mustn't hit people (me, your sister, children at school) one day you are going to be bigger and stronger than me. Grown up men who hit people end up in trouble with the police/ in prison.

Her dad said “ Ok we’ll leave you then”. Heard this so often & how awful for the child who doesn’t understand that the parent wouldn’t actually do that.

It would be awful if they were actually left behind. But they’re not. It must be hard work overthinking life the way you do OP.

I agree with you actually OP. My inlaws said to my 2 year old that they'd leave him behind and he was beside himself. I was furious!

One more bite also seems pretty benign to me, and a world away from making DC finish plates

Exactly. The main thing is that mealtimes are not a battle ground. For me it was just getting them to try something I'd made when they were in a fussy phase, there was certainly no edict to finish their plates, and I'd just whip the meal away and give bread and butter as an alternative. Generally they were good eaters and have no diet or weight issues now as teenagers, so I must have got something right.

What age ?
If I had a buggy (so 2 or 3) I might just put them in it.
If 4 or 5 I think I would;
a) As far as possible make the desirable environment really boring so clear away all toys
b) Use all the non-verbal cues I had putting on my own coat, finding keys, getting their coat and holding it open - basically using nudge theory
c) Withdraw my attention, after acknowledging thier feelings, don't keep arguing.