14 yo planning to have sex

[VashtaNerada]

So we’ve just found out our 14 yo is planning to have sex with her boyfriend. She’s young and stupid and absolutely
not ready for it.
Can someone please talk me down and give me ideas of what to say to her? Right now I want to lock her in a tower for the next three years without any contact with the outside world but understand there might be a better way to handle it!!

14 isn't that young these days

and that's an absolutely horrifying thought. Just because it's common doesn't mean that it's healthy and needs to be further normalised or accepted.

What would you consider young? 12? 11 year olds who haven't even started menstruating yet?

Really? Even with the amount of bullying and inappropriate content and everything around? I get it seems an invasion of privacy but the reason the law has determined 14 is still a child is their brains are not fully developed.

I honestly can’t believe parents are blasé about 14 years olds having sex. Yes we were all teenagers once and know what goes on but there’s a big difference between educating a child best you can, and basically condoning underage sex.

I'm way too young to be a parent to a teenager and I grew up with the Internet but I 100% support checking phones and parental controls at 14. Roaming free on the Internet has potential life-ruining effects. Heck, I wish someone had supervised my activity when the first Internet chat rooms came around almost 20 years ago. Lots of inappropriate stuff going on even back then. Predators abound.

Better safe than sorry

Do you have any teenagers?

I've got a 23 year old

Did you have them in your teens?

I had a really frank conversation along the lines of consent. Both can say no or stop at any time and must be respected, do not send any photos or videos you wouldn't be happy to share with your dad or your little sister, and contraception. You have the world in front of you and babies are not the end of the world but they will really limit your options for your life

Well, you seem to know very little about teenagers.

@Heavylifting - I was a similar age and I never regretted it. I'm in my 40s now. The importance here is the mother and daughter relationship and the support.

We’ve clearly been invaded by the pervs. 14 is young regardless of these fucking weird posters saying it isn’t. Ffs.

I've got a 23 year old

23 year old what - partner, cat?

Of course 14 is too young. Not too young for fancying boys and getting crushes, but too young to consent to sex.

OP, I am glad you had a good conversation, and are monitoring her phone.

Are you for real? She's 14 and a child. There are so many things wrong with your post that I don't know where to start.

Try the Sexual Offences Act 2003 and yes young people have been criminalised for under age sex.

Some poor parenting boundaries here and probably some very vulnerable girls as a result.

Really, same age? 14+
On the register?

Yep. Quite often there is SS involvement and it doesn't always make it as far as prosecution but it can and it has. It's similar to a child becoming a schedule 1 offender due to a school fight. It's a crime against a child and as such can technically lead to that.

Which is kind of out of context more in response to other posts.

In terms of the OP that they are at least in a relationship and considering it. That's almost a win in that you can try and have the conversation before it happens even if it creates a degree of awkwardness

I work in an area where I have seen the damage to young girls who have sex so young. 14 is very, very young in my opinion. Exploitation also happens in many forms, and children can exploit other children.

Agree, @Sunnycats

@VashtaNerada - you need to probe as thoroughly as possible into this and find out whose idea it is. You need to do a lot of sleuthing and find out everything you can about the BF and his family, previous girlfriends, the relationship history of any older siblings he may have, and his parents' relationship. There are boys out there who get through a lot of girls and leave a trail of babies in their wake. There are boys whose idea of manliness involves racking up large numbers of conquests.

I think you need to do some thinking about why your daughter has become involved with a boyfriend and how the relationship has progressed to the point where it is now. Does she have no interests outside of school, no sports or activities or a group of female friends who have ambitions to go on to university? What is so attractive about a boyfriend at age 14 and why is sex something she is even considering? Does she have any idea of what she wants to do with her life?