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Original poster

Does everyone just put up with a Christmas day they don't want?

88 replies

QuestionsFromThePublic · 27/11/2022 22:58

Apparently this is what my OH thinks. Does everyone just put up with difficult relatives?

DH's DM doesn't want to have her Dsis because she is tedious and bad company. It would "spoil Christmas". Her other siblings and wider family have never asked.

Obviously we do not have to ask this person. DH will though. I have never had a Christmas day I want. I feel sorry for our DC. It is a shit situation, we will make the most of it.

We will have a lovely Christmas Eve and Boxing Day instead.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 27/11/2022 23:03

Yep, pretty much 🙄

JellybellyJackanoryonetwothree · 27/11/2022 23:08

Not anymore! I now have the day I want with the people I want. It makes a big difference.

SkinnyFatte · 27/11/2022 23:10

Yes. We have to spend it with my in-laws and there is always certain things that have to happen and certain foods that must be included and we must play a board game in the evening...I'd rather it's just us 3 and Netflix, to be honest.

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Christmas Events & celebrations
Roundandnour · 27/11/2022 23:11

No why would I?

A perk of being an adult is to have choices and not put up with crap to make other people happy.

BestSelfBlah · 27/11/2022 23:14

I always have had it with mil so yes. Although mil would probably rather I go out for day and her with her son and grandchildren!

NoSquirrels · 27/11/2022 23:14

So you have to host your aunt-in-law because your MIL won’t?

Of course you don’t HAVE to.

The question is, why does your DH feel obliged?

PeopleRStrange · 27/11/2022 23:15

Yes, every year

MMAMPWGHAP · 27/11/2022 23:16

Yes. Best Christmas in last 20 years was when my parents had a sickness bug on Christmas Eve and couldn’t come. Just the 4 of us that year. Bliss.

ivfbabymomma1 · 27/11/2022 23:16

No, i used to when I had to go to my parents but now thankfully they come to us

feathers7 · 27/11/2022 23:16

Yes. My husband is an only child and his mum is a widow. That means she us with us for the rest of her Christmas's. I would never see her spend it alone, but she is generally quite joyless and changes the whole atmosphere amongst the family when she is with us.

creamcheeseandlox · 27/11/2022 23:16

I used to get very stressed and dread Christmas as my db and his family were always involved. My db and sis in law are in a marriage that is toxic, so it's always doom and gloom and walking on egg shells when they are there. I basically stopped including them and only had my parents and in-laws round and now its vertically stress free and much more enjoyable.
I have my own family to think about now so if they don't suit my plans then they won't be there.

StopFeckingFaffing · 27/11/2022 23:21

An element of compromise is usually required

I am lucky that I don't have to spend Xmas day with anyone who I dislike but I do have to host and do the lion's share of the cooking every year which is not ideal

Sometimes as an adult you need to put the needs and wishes of others before your own, and as I like to remind myself it's only one day!

Byelaws · 27/11/2022 23:27

No, sorry, I love my Christmas every year and have done for at least the last decade or more.

It helps that I like my extended family. We alternate between hosting and going to others so it isn’t a chore. We eat late in the day so no one is rushed.

There were a few years where we were expected to be at a family shooting party. It was cold and boring so we stopped going and we eat leftovers, do Lego and read books in front of the fire. Much better.

Cherryana · 27/11/2022 23:34

Yes - pretty much.

But I also think given the age of my parents and that I see them every other year that I don’t have many left with them. And that makes me sad and appreciate them as precious.

asblindasabat · 27/11/2022 23:37

Let’s get Christmas Day banned.

Titsywoo · 27/11/2022 23:40

Yes but for my kids not older family members. I'd love to sit in my PJs watching tv all day and eat my way through a cheeseboard. They want to do a roast and see people so I suffer it. Lockdown was amazing for me!

MintJulia · 27/11/2022 23:46

I did my fair share of difficult xmases with my mum and then with mil. Now teen ds and I have lovely Christmases, great food, see friends for a couple of hours, play games, cycle etc.

When ds heads off to uni and wants to ski at xmas or go somewhere else, I'm going to travel.

ZenNudist · 27/11/2022 23:48

Yes. I can spend time with my dh and dc en famille many other weekends and holidays. One day my parents and in law's will be dead and we will get Christmas alone. I want my dc to have memories of spending time with family at Christmas. I tolerate it for 2/3 days then I return home to appreciate my immediate family.

When my dc are older hopefully my DIL will put up with us every other Christmas and I will get to see my own dgc at Christmas despite my dc probably having friends they'd love to spend time with.

It's not always all about me. Sometimes it's about other people and sometimes they think about you. It's called family.

FinallyFluid · 27/11/2022 23:51

Not a chance, we do put ourselves out some years sleeping on blow up beds etc., but that is through choice.

I did it last year because we could all see our DM fading fast, and we were right she was dead by February.😥

To give my family the Christmas they want with me there, I have to travel, £500 minimum for the ferry, several hours drive to the ferry port and a couple of hours the other end.We don't travel light and we arrive laden down with wine and port champagne, specialist cheeses and Christmas crackers and lots of stuff. Probably the guts of £1000

This year it is all change, we are staying here, I am getting to the stage where I just want my own bed on Christmas morning.

Original poster
QuestionsFromThePublic · 27/11/2022 23:52

now I think of it, most of my friends are hosting or visiting our of duty. My perfect day would be just DH and DC. Plan b would be my family.

Aunt's life choices means they are alone. Aunt is one of four siblings, only MIL has ever had her. If we went there, aunt would come too.

On balance, I would rather be in my own house. I don't mind compromising a bit but I'm not watching what they want all day and night. We eat later than they like and allow DC to leave the table when they finish eating or when they want to. If they want to watch a film we will. They can eat as much chocolate as they want.

My view is it is not fair that aunt defaults to here because it is what she wants. Her siblings and many nieces and nephews do not ask. They have come here so often, it is expected. Everyone else gets a free pass.

This would not happen in my family. I would have frank conversations if it ever did. My DDad is asked to everyone's house for Christmas and gets to choose. He won't come here unless it was just him.

OP posts:
Rainbowbaby13 · 27/11/2022 23:57

No I love Christmas but I will not tolerate people/things I don't want anymore I spent a few years going here there and everywhere with people that don't care if I see them from one day to the next so no I have the Christmas I want with people I love

Some people are missed out but if they behaved better and didn't ruin it every time I'd invite them m

Life's too short to babysit unwanted guest

cleanfreak12345 · 27/11/2022 23:58

Christmas, it's that time of year when you have to see the people you've been avoiding for the whole year

Rainbowbaby13 · 27/11/2022 23:59

cleanfreak12345 · 27/11/2022 23:58

Christmas, it's that time of year when you have to see the people you've been avoiding for the whole year

But why??

Original poster
QuestionsFromThePublic · 28/11/2022 00:01

If aunt comes here every year there is no compromise. There is no family behaviour from any other household other than mine No-one else is making the most of things for Christmas Day in this way.

I have a close family too and ILs.

Aunt is not quite 70 and in good health. Not terribly elderly.

I would like one year just us, one year ILs, one year my family. I don't mind compromising. This isn't that. DH is obvs much nicer than I am.

OP posts:
Mylittlesandwich · 28/11/2022 00:03

Nope, we see who we want to see. This year we don't want to see anyone so it's just me DH and DS at home having a chilled day and going a nice walk with DDog.