Does everyone know a person like this?

[bothsidesofasmile]

Does everyone know a person that every time you speak to them it feels like getting bit by a snake. I think it was covered in Bridget jones, the jelly fish lady? The person seems intent on just one uping everything you say or attempting to make you feel inadequate in some way.

My question is, why do you think these people are like this? And if everyone knows someone like this, is it possible it isn't the person doing it intentionally at all but rather they are tapping into unconscious inadequacies without realizing?

Some people are unkind, mean spirited and joyless. Every interaction is tiresome. Some people are kind, generous of spirit and positive. Interacting with them is a pleasure and lifts you up.

I don’t think there’s any reason for it, it’s personality/nature.

No but I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that!

Yes. Also known as “raining on your parade” or “pissing on your fire”. These people can’t bear to see you happy or fulfilled. They also like to remind you, when life is going well, of a time in the past when perhaps life wasn’t going well. They want to pull you down. They have no “empathic joy” and are best avoided.

Is it that person and how they are or is it how we've interpreted them? Because we definitely build narratives of people in our mind based on very little. You can see it all the time here on Mumsnet 😂

Sometimes these people are unavoidable, could be a work colleague or partners family. People that you have to put up with from time to time but keep as distant as possibly from for this reason

Yes! Like they are always in competition but you didn't sign up for a race with them

I think it’s oddly arrogant to assume people’s personality is only based on your own observation.

I suppose that's true in some ways because everyone will have there own experiences with that person and they could be vastly different. However we all do it to some extent. If you have a bad experience of anything it colours your view of any future experiences with the same thing

Unfortunately a few work colleagues like this so cant be avoided. They love themselves and the sound of their own voices. Loud, annoying cretins who think they are always right and better than everyone else.

As per your other thread, no

?

It usually stems from low self esteem. They are trying to make themselves feel better, but by doing so are making others feel worse.

It makes them feel superior in their sad little lives.

Best mental method is to just thank your god (or whatever you thank, lucky stars?) that you don't have to find joy and validation this way.

Yes. A family member. They're lovely most of the time but never known anyone else like them for a backhanded compliment.

They know what they're doing.

This was my initial thought too

Why do you think they do it? What do they get out of it? Surely they can feel people rolling their eyes at them

In addition they must notice people not wanting to be close to them if they are like this with everyone. Would that not be clue enough? Perhaps they are not aware they're doing it 🤔

I have a work colleague who is partially like this. She talks over people in team meetings, always brags about how busy she is, how much work she does, how competent she is, how popular she is etc.

If you or someone else has been or are going somewhere she has always been there, or been somewhere bigger, better, nicer, more expensive, more exclusive, more tasteful, further away etc. Her and her life are so much more fun/more marvellous than anyone else’s life.

She can also turn any conversation around to talking about herself and her family, her life her achievements and how marvellous she is, it is.

I don’t know why she does this but I am sick of her and she brings out the worst in me.

@bothsidesofasmile power.

That's interesting. When you say power, do you mean they feel more powerful than the other person, almost above them?

Here we go. The poster that knows every thread every poster and don't bother name changing because she's clocked ya.👀

@CressidaV I'm confused because I haven't had another post on anything near this topic. I did originally put it into relationships accidentally but I deleted it before anyone had commented

@bothsidesofasmile in the case of my family member, it's about maintaining their power and ensuring they always feel above others.

They want to maintain a certain status within the family and will chop others down when they feel threatened. It's a way of ensuring others don't challenge them - whether in reality or in their perception. Its manipulative control.

That's a good way of putting it. I see the same with my person too. What confuses me is they also brag about knowing people with wealth so they'll so oh this person I know she's basically my best friend now and she and her husband are loaded' and we'll be talking about something like tea and you're like 🤔

Yep I know two, Never asks anything about our family,even when my child was very ill in hospital. Tell them anything and they've done it better.
You've go to Tenerife,they've been to Eleven-erife as the saying goes. 😂
I think it's insecurity/no social awareness.