Does everyone know a person like this?

[bothsidesofasmile]

Does everyone know a person that every time you speak to them it feels like getting bit by a snake. I think it was covered in Bridget jones, the jelly fish lady? The person seems intent on just one uping everything you say or attempting to make you feel inadequate in some way.

My question is, why do you think these people are like this? And if everyone knows someone like this, is it possible it isn't the person doing it intentionally at all but rather they are tapping into unconscious inadequacies without realizing?

God yes. I was listening to the audio book How Not To Give A Fuck and in one chapter it explains this character and I’m sat there thinking ‘so it’s not just me then and no one else is believing the bullshit that come out of John’s mouth either… but we’re all just not saying it’ when DH comes in and overhears just a line or two and says ‘oh, the author must have met John then’ 😂

The level of oneupmanship was absolutely outstanding (in both senses). If I’d mentioned popping to Tesco to buy a pint of milk he’d not only be getting fresh milk from the cow in the field next door but also taken a spin in the land owners Ferrari he’d helped to restore. I truly don’t understand how the conversation moved on that far from a pint of semi skimmed it why he’d think I cared.

Name changed obviously 😉

@bothsidesofasmile yes! Exactly this kind of thing. Was round the other day and DHbwas happily playing with kids in the garden and she goes ‘enjoy it while it lasts because everything could go wrong, anything could happen’ 😂👍. I take my child to a club, big speech about all the activities she used to do with her kids. DH mentions getting a new job and that he’s a bit bored, panic panic panic that he’s abkjt to me made redundant and we’ll be destitute. Move into new house, ‘don’t get too comfortable, you might loose your jobs’ 😂. Examples of the top of my head. And when she can’t tell a horror story or compete/let me know that she did exactly the same but years before, there’s a sarcastic praise. Eg telling her about how many items of school uniform my child got. That many!!! Goodness! I only had one shirt for mine, as if I’m being silly spending so much. Got to laugh or you might cry. It took me years to kind of notice it, realise why I felt so rubbish after being around her and it’s definitely all ramped up since I had DC 🤷‍♀️

Haha yep I used to know somebody like this. A work colleague. She was horrible. I moved jobs and we didn't keep in touch. She's not doing well now actually - I can't say I feel sorry for her.

I know someone like this, it's bizarre. She's very nice when someone is down in the dumps, very nice, but when things improve a little for them the snide competitive attitude starts.
I think it stems from an internal struggle between a sense of inferiority and a need for power. She'll pursue people she perceives to be 'above her' and basks in their attention, then go on a rampage about their privilege.
Equally, by her own admission, she goea out of her way to seek situations where she thinks her and her family are seen as top dogs - when she could afford to have a nicer, easier time elsewhere - just for the pleasure of feeling 'superior', she loves it!

Yes, she goa😅

Yes, I live next door to one. She's cutting in every way and yet can be lovely. Sadly she has upset me too much over the years so I now keep my distance. I blame her upbringing which I know wasn't great and to which she has often alluded.

I think your friend I my older sister
A perfect description

Is

I had an aunt like this. My parents are like this to some extent. Don’t know many other people similar, but I suspect that’s because I’m very quick to cut of people like this. I know my aunt who is like that seems to only be like it with people who accept it/can’t put in boundaries with her.

Yup, my sil is like this and v v unfortunately a deeply unlikeable person, I almost play an internal game of bingo or give points for every passive aggressive remark and she does not disappoint!!
We’ve been nothing but nice to her so it’s actually really horrible tbh and although I’m always tempted to tell her to fuck right off , I don’t as I guess she must have some serious issues or deep insecurities to behave the way she does…..She is constantly comparing and making comments re our dcs though “oh isn’t it a shame they don’t “insert whatever it is her dcs do better apparently “ , “ I assume they watch lots of screens , we don’t allow this”, they don’t and she’s lying , she’s one of these plp who hasn’t a tv but has other screens that are hidden away”, “ oh this will go right accross your heads “, “ oh I’d never allow my dcs to eat that crap, when we they were offered crisps by them !!”
The sad reality is we don’t want to spend time with her anymore and our last meeting my eldest noticed and even asked why she talks about us like this 😟 .
I wish I had asked her to repeat herself every time she made a jibe, this can be a good tactic as plp who are purposely trying to be nasty don’t like having to say whatever it is again as they know full well what they are doing . It used to get to me but now I find it utterly pathetic and indicative of how miserable this person is.

So sad that your eldest has noticed. I think if our children started noticing I would have a word and tell her to pack it in or cut contact. I just don't understand what they get from it, it's almost like an attention seeking child

When this is the reason I have some sympathy but it's hard to be in the receiving end of this constantly

I think we know the same person 🤣 it's bizarre!

Fresh milk from the cow in the field 🤣

Same I don't understand why they think we care!

@bothsidesofasmile it was really sad tbh. Thankfully she lives in another country. The last visit she was particularly awful and I think as she wasn’t getting a reaction (she wanted some kind of argument or fallout) ramped it up , she ended up looking unhinged , one of her comments happened at a party and unexpectedly it all went quiet just as she was finishing her caustic comment (you know the way that can happen randomly) and honestly even her dp looked like Wtaf is your problem, I had other plp say it to me after , we had made a big effort and bought presents for their kids etc . In fact it was like the nicer we were the more she passive aggressive she was so it was just horrible. It’s just made us not want to spend time with her and for the rest of the trip we avoided them , pity for the kids but their mother is so toxic v unfortunately.

Wow what bizarre behaviour and such a shame for the children involved to have to see a family member act that way

There are people who wet-blanket everything you say. If you say something as an opening gambit to a friendly conversation, they’ll give you a curt three word answer; if you offer an opinion they’ll shut it down and if you dare to try and joke about something they will become very offended. Such people are exhausting to work with.

We might do but I've known her for longer, I mean we go way back and she only truly opens up to me, I could tell you things she's said about you that would rock your world 😀

@CressidaV aww that's so lovely. Yeah we're actually spending Christmas together and next year she's giving me a kidney just because. She's SUCH a nice person 🤣

My SIL is a viper like this, yes. Queen of the backhanded compliments, and you only realise what she's said 30 seconds later when it is too late to come up with a suitable retort.

Oh god I hate that!!

Oh no! You mean you don't know? We always spend Christmas and the New Year in the Alps, she's so kind, she only offered because she could see how depressed you were being NC with your family because of that thing with your DH? She thought it would be all forgotten by now. You still don't talk to them? Not even for Christmas?
I don't know anything about the kidney but thought she's already given one so doesn't have a spare? I'm sure someone in your family would love to do that for you.

I've had people say this about me - and I genuinely have no intention to every do it, so maybe it is unconscious for other people too.

Like a pp said, it possibly does come from low self esteem and wanting to be liked.

@CressidaV 👏🏻👏🏻 we seriously know the same person!