Does everyone know a person like this?

[bothsidesofasmile]

Does everyone know a person that every time you speak to them it feels like getting bit by a snake. I think it was covered in Bridget jones, the jelly fish lady? The person seems intent on just one uping everything you say or attempting to make you feel inadequate in some way.

My question is, why do you think these people are like this? And if everyone knows someone like this, is it possible it isn't the person doing it intentionally at all but rather they are tapping into unconscious inadequacies without realizing?

I have a friend who I love dearly but whenever I see her she is always telling me how hard it is her son sings in one of the most exclusive choirs in the world, and how hard it is to be at parties with people much richer than her and how hard it is living away from home when she has her beautiful house renovated. It's quite exhausting tbh and I always leave feeling a bit of a drab failure - my life seems very small compared to hers.

😂😂 love that saying ! Mine does ask questions if it's something serious but only as a sort of tick box exercise so they can then go on to talk about themselves more.

I have wondered about the social awareness side of things because as I said further up surely if they had any social awareness they would see people are getting bored of how they are going on.

No no no so sorry, I meant there's always one poster who claims they know the whole of MN and recognise you and don't you dare skam them by reposting of whatever. Really not against you at all I just find them ridiculous and they pop up on a lot of threads. As you were OP sorry to interrupt 😊

@CressidaV oh no don't worry I meant them, I don't under why they said that haha

Oh gosh that does sound very draining. Mine is similar to this and I have similar feelings after I've spoken to them, like a deflated balloon and completely inadequate. I try as hard as I can to space out how much I speak to them and this helps. The most recent time I just changed the subject almost immediately every time I felt they were going off on a tangent and trying to make me and others feel inadequate and themselves above us all. They got visibly very annoyed

I have worked with people like this and when they leave everyone is so much happier. It must be exhausting living with such hate towards people that you can’t have normal nice interactions without implying something horrible about the person they are specking to. I might be the people I worked with but they did’nt have many friends or interests, people just can’t deal with them.

Same, that is if I speak to them too often. But I think it brings out the worse in us because are brains are actively trying to figure out what the purpose is of how this person is acting and thus we get frustrated because it makes no sense!

I know a couple of people like this, one close family so can’t really ditch but am trying to reduce contact. It’s not really overt ‘I’m better than you’ but more what @FrancescaContini said. Every time something is going well she like to remind you of how it could all go wrong soon, or go into a big monologue about her past and how she also did that, sort of minimises it…hard to explain really but it leaves me feeling a bit deflated, silly and nervous to share anything with them. The other one is just little snide comments all the time, mainly to do with my DC.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4685659-does-everyone-know-a-person-like-this?reply=121826315

Oh god so sorry! I thought this one was you too OP. Sorry!!!!

Anyway no I don't know anyone like that.

No my fault I thought I'd deleted 😳

Lucky you 😂 do you think certain traits might attract people like that? 🤔

Oh is it you?! Sorry I have a poor short term memory.

Anyway doesn't matter. It sounds exhausting knowing someone like that. Have you tried pointing out what they are doing to them?

I imagine if you have what looks to the outside as a lovely happy successful life it might make people feel insecure? I think maybe I would know people like that if I had anything to be jealous of hahaha

You can't delete threads OP, you can ask for MN to do it (if you've started 2 by mistake, assume that's what you've done)

It's ok I completely get it. Mine is the same as that, we have a mutual interest in dogs and before we rescued our lurcher we were discussing different breeds we might like and every breed she would tell me of a friend of hers who had one who had some terrible trait and it was the whole breed she'd heard lots of stories. Turns out their husband had put to stop to anymore animals in their home so sounds to me they couldn't bear the thought of someone else having the happiness of a new dog

How draining to be around. I'd embarrass her by asking why she's always so negative .

To be honest some people just aren't very nice sometimes (or all of the time). I used to spend ages trying to figure out why people would be nasty because even if I don't know people I wish them well, want everyone to be OK and so on. Some people don't have that take on life. If someone is attempting to make you feel inadequate on purpose I'd stay away. It's just not very pleasant, is it? Ultimately they're trying to hurt someone. The one upping probably stems from self esteem like someone else said. They can't be very secure if they're doing that!

@chikp it is unfortunately mine is a family member so can not cut off completely. It has been pointed out to them before not by me but by other previous friends of there's and well I don't think they understand what it is they are doing wrong

Ah I see that'll be why then 😂

Exactly @baconisgoodforme @ DH’s work they used to say about someone he’s the type of person if someone had to say he’d met the queen X would say he’d shagged her.

Yes, I do know someone like this and it is draining. I enjoy their company in small doses but when I see them with any regularity they get under my skin and I begin to doubt everything.

This person feels they know everything about everything and will correct any perceived wrongs or mistakes, ruining the flow of the conversation and causing confusion. What is worse is when they correct something that was actually correct.

They will refuse to accept when they're wrong and will claim to be an expert on that topic and quote all kinds of bullshit studies as back-up.

My sister tells me this person is toxic and I believe her; this person will find anything that annoys you and then dig and dig in order to widen the tiniest crack in your armour. I have to limit contact with them for my own mental health.

Could you try laughing everytime they do it? Make a joke of it

Gosh this sounds so difficult! Why do you think they do this? What do they get out of it?

@chikp not without looking a bit psychotic because it's constant. The best way is just to have as little contact as possible I find but it's difficult when it's a family member as obviously they are at family events ect