Desparately need advice on a sad situation and not sure where to turn. Will my 17 yr old niece be able to stay in the council flat if her mum passes away?

[Janieread]

My dsis had a liver transplant last week (many years of alcoholism), sadly despite initially going well she has internal bleeding and has gone back into surgery. The surgeons were very bleak about her chances of even making it through the difficult and complicated surgery, as she is now extremely poorly.

I am currently staying in her flat to support my 17 year old niece. Her dad isn't on the scene. The flat is about 150 miles away from my own home - I have three children and am married, my fil sadly died a month ago.

What will happen to my niece if my dsis dies? She is currently at art college which she loves. She can of course come and live with me, but we live very rurally with no art college near by. She's currently in a city which she loves as she exists solely on takeaways - no delieveroo near us! Can she stay in her council flat if my dsis passes away? Then I could come up for part of each week.

I know if she passes we'll be almost too devastated to care, but I'm trying to work out what to do before the worst. I have contacted my dneices dad but he wasn't interested.

Any advice or kind words appreciated!

If she stayed in at that flat could you host her on weekends or alternate weekends OP?

Is she managing to study okay?

It might be that in a year or two from now, as her future plans grow clearer, everything else will too.

I think taking her home with you would be preferable to her staying alone, even at 18. As you've said in some ways she'll be hugely independent and others, she'll need a steady family around her, showing her there's an alternative lifestyle to caring / living with an alcoholic. As others have said getting her to join a local 6th form that does art, then apply to art college when she's got her A levels. Unless there's other routes into art college I'm not aware of. However, art is something that she can do anywhere. No easy answers really, thinking of you and her though.

That was the sister I think

A young woman who has been living alone with an alcoholic mother and developed a degree of self sufficiency, might find it harder than you’d think to slip into OP’s “three kids and a Labrador” typical family life

Yes. This is a real concern.

Thanks so much for all your comments
Still haven't heard anything so no news is good news but I'm so stressed i genuinely think i might have a panic attack.

I've taken a beta blocker and washed it down with a glass of wine (secretly so my dniece doesn't see me drinking).

What does she actually want? I think you should sit down with her and explain the pros and cons of different options, see what she really wants.

Perhaps you could help her sort continuing the tenancy as a short term measure while she thinks things through and gets her head straight. Or find a friend she could move in with for the rest of sixth form?

I think it might just make things worse to transplant her into your family.

It will depend on the council she is at and if they still allow relatives to take over tenancies when the tenants dies. The law now says that only spouses/partners are able to - but councils can decide to also let other relatives take over.
She will have to be able to pay the rent.

Contact social care too - she's not 18 yet and it might help if a social worker also asks the council housing dept if she can keep the flat.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think this would be the best solution if she wasn't desperately broken by the death of her mum.

I am surprised at the number of posters who think leaving a 17 year old at sixth form to live on her own after the death of her mother is at all feasible.

I can't see any other solution than her coming home with me. Her dad is flying in tomorrow though which was quite unexpected. Dsis stable in ICU.

Speak to her local council and ask for her housing officer. X

Also sorry your sister is unwell. X

Has she applied for university?
Have you spoken to her current school and see what they offer in terms of counseling or practical help - like free school meals, form filling etc?

If DNiece is lacking in domestic skills, a 2-bed flat might be too much for her to cope with. A studio or one-bed might be best, in some kind of supported environment, if available.

Her father arriving changes things, of course; before reading that, I would have said the first step should be for op and dn to speak to her college.

I think k I'd have to take her home for now and see if can arrange local course. Perhaps look to art foundation next September, you can get accommodation with that but no funding but also no fees. She'd probably be eligible for hardship grant.
If that's the route she wants then call them and see what course she could do to gain entry
I can't see how she'd cope on her own just now

She needs mothering. She has lost out on effective parenting in her crucial years and will sink if she tries to live independently.

If you are willing to take her in OP I would, and as you say, treat her like a child younger than her 18 years.

It sounds like the opposite is true, superficial self sufficiency but no real resilience or coping skills.

I made myself really ill doing this please be careful.

pleased to hear your dsis is stable after surgery. How is she this morning OP?

I think short term she needs to come and stay with you, at least for the first few weeks after losing her mum, because I wouldn’t think any 17 year old should be living alone in those circumstances.

She won’t be made homeless if she chooses to stay in her local area although I think it’s likely she’d be moved from the current 2-bedroom place to a smaller one. She could end up in a B&B temporarily which is what happened to a friend of mine when she was kicked out of home aged 16 and had to be put up by the council. What is her support network like in her area? Does she have a group of good friends? Does she have any supportive adults around her such as family friends or her friend’s parents? Living temporarily with friends might be a better solution to living in a flat alone, at least at first. I would be more concerned about how she would cope living alone rather than whether she will be housed, if she is living on takeaways will she manage to budget and meal plan? Even if it wouldn’t be her first choice to live with you it might be less overwhelming for her than trying to run her own household whilst grieving and dealing with a new college, especially considering she has struggled with her mental health enough to take a year off education.

Have you explored whether there are any bereavement charities in either her local area or your own for teens? I think my first priority would be trying to put some support in place for her to deal with this and give her a place to discuss her fears and worries about what the future might look like with somebody. Ideally she will make her own decision about where to live but it is always helpful to talk these things through outside of your head if possible.

The LA or council will be able to tell you directly what their succession policy is OP, and it may well be online. If you feel comfortable sharing that information, someone on here would probably know or be able to find it? I realise you may not.

I have no idea about the tenancy situation and you will have to clarify that with them. I imagine her being under 18 will complicate things but if your dsis has stabilised, then without sounding rotten, she might make it to 18 before any action needs to be taken. If she is in 6th form doing Art she may be able to transfer to your local 6th form or college. It sounds like she needs looking after and may end up thriving in your home. It sounds like she has had a very tough time and anxiety, I don't think a 17-year-old in 6th form can realistically live alone.

Did you post about this recently? Are there younger children too?
Apologies if it wasn't you but it was a very similar situation

This what my DNiece did. Nominally she was living with a friend's family, in reality she mainly lived at home. Her mother wasn't an alcoholic though, and she did therefore have some sort of normal routine before her Mum died. She knew what a meal was etc.

It wasn't ideal but it was the least worst option as anything else would have meant uprooting her from where she was doing A levels.

She did, though, have responsible adults (friends of her Mum) who were keeping an eye out for her.

What does your DNiece have locally in the way of that OP?

The council tenancy is a complicating factor. Does anyone know what the deal is if an orphaned child isn't particularly quick about notifying the council upon the tragic death of a parent..?

@RosettaStormer

Perhaps the niece doesn't want to be taken away by her aunt and slotted into a different life. At 13 I agree with you but at almost 18 I'm not sure bring forced to live with her aunt or her father for that matter is necessarily best for her. Get professional advice and it needs to be a solution for this young lady and her specific circumstances.

Anyway her mother is alive currently!