Should we cancel this expensive holiday??

[RNBrie]

7 years ago, my brother and his wife moved to New Zealand. They've since had two children I've never met.

They had holidays booked back in the UK a couple of times but everything got cancelled because of covid.

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family.

6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ. It's all booked and paid for, we go at Easter. It's costing a fortune, about the cost of a wedding for flights, accommodation, all in.

I've just found out that a month after we get back, my brother is coming here with his family. My parents are paying for it because they miss them too but don't want to travel there.

My DH and I are discussing cancelling our holiday because the main reason we booked was that I was just desperate to see my DB after all this time. The money is gone, but we checked yesterday and everything is cancellable, there will be a small charge for cancelling the flights.

Our NZ trip is fancy. We stay near my brother for a bit then we have a week at a luxury resort near some other friends we've not see for years, then back to near my db and then home. This is not the sort of holiday we have ever taken and the cost of it is making me uncomfortable, we could save a bit by changing resorts but more than half the cost is the flights.

So what would you do? Go on our fancy holiday, or get our money back? We'd probably spend half of it on a much cheaper but still fancy holiday closer to home...

Go. My sister lives a long way away. I never miss her more than when I see her again. I'm sure you'll relish every day you spend with your brother on both trips.

I'm sure you and your kids will make some amazing memories. I was taken on a once of a lifetime trip at a similar age to the US and the excitement of the trip is still there in my mind nearly thirty years later :)

Go to New Zealand as PP said you know what’s around the corner. And the children are old enough to remember the holiday as they grow older

Go another year instead if you won't be able to see your brother very often going forward. Seems mad not to.

I would definitely go.

If you don't go, your children will be disappointed and might end up resenting your parents and/or your brother's family for 'ruining' their holiday by coming here. It might not be the lovely UK family reunion you want it to be. You'll also lose £500.

If you do go, you will see more of an incredible country, your children will be the perfect age to enjoy it, you'll see your much missed friends and you'll get to know your brother's life as well as see him. With children as young as his are, seeing someone regularly is needed for them to remember you. Them coming to the UK so soon after you've been to them means they will probably know who you are when they see you again and 2 trips might cement you in their memories.

I think rising prices and environmental concerns could mean that long haul flights are something 'ordinary' people just don't do anymore in the not too distant future.

@pictish

like putting into savings accounts for the kids?

Glad to see you're going. We went to Florida in June, cost a bomb but was worth every penny. Go and have a blast. Life is for living!

I’d cancel it and spend the money going to Disney World instead, with a Disney Cruise to the Bahamas tagged on the end. You’d have about £10,000 left to do the same the next year as well.

So pleased you've made your decision @RNBrie !!

The benefits far outweigh anything else. This trip will leave a lasting impression on your kids and could even give them a thirst for travel and adventure later in life.

When I was 8 I went on a dream holiday to Australia. I’m now 43 and remember it well. I’m on team go for it.

So you are unlikely to get this trip for such a low price ever again? Well that clinches it, don't cancel! Go!

You know that if you cancel now you will never rebook this trip again and you will always regret it.

For God’s sake go on your holiday - please let someone be enjoying something in these bleak times!!

It may not be quite the same in a couple of years when your eldest is 13/14/15 as you’ve got massive teen eye rolls coming down the tracks (if you think its peaked already think again!)

More importantly, you do not know what’s about to happen. Things could easily change unexpectedly and make it much harder to go - parental illness, for instance, or rising travel
costs, or any kind of future travel restrictions etc.

when my DD was little I took her on an incredible holiday to see friends in the US. Our lives have changed a lot since then and things are much, much harder. I am so grateful that we had that experience and time together - she was the perfect age for it. It’s honestly one of my happiest memories and helps a bit in the toughest of times.

Life isn’t just about what’s tangible - going on an experience like this as a family is something you can’t fully quantify in a spreadsheet cost/benefit.

You have an incredible opportunity, you’re excited about it and you can afford it.

DON’T LET BEING RESPONSIBLE BE THE ENEMY OF THIS!!

you'll get to know your brother's life as well as see him.

That's actually really important. My late DH missed his cousin (they are brought up as brothers) badly when the cousin emigrated to Australia. Once we'd visited he felt much better. He actually said "now that I've stayed in his house and have seen what his life and environment are like, it's like there's a jigsaw piece in place, and I when I think of him I have the whole picture".
It's hard to describe, but it does make a massive difference. When you think of them you see them in situ and there's nothing missing.

Of course cancel it. Stick the money in savings.

should have said “Responsible” in that last line - you clearly are fully responsible in the best possible way - going on this holiday and enjoying a bit of frivolity won’t change that.

(also way better investment of funds than a wedding I’d say!)

Since you're talking yourself into it, GO!

Your children are at a good age for it (pre exams). NZ is beautiful. Your brother's trip home might never happen.

@Bestcatmum

borrrrrring!

You know that if you cancel now you will never rebook this trip again and you will always regret it.

Yes. The money will end up spent in dribs and drabs, the cost of the holiday will be much higher, your oldest will be in exam years. It won't happen. Seriously, the more I think about this, the more I think you'd be mad to cancel.

Oh, and I think seeing your brother here would make you regret it even more. He'll talk about his life and the country and you'll wish you'd seen it..

I would go; you only live life once and everything is booked, arranged and paid for. You will have a great time and build wonderful memories

Hmmm, I agree with you about the accommodation costs, but not about the Easter weather. Not sure where in NZ you're from but in Auckland where my family lives the weather around Easter will still be in the low 20s, and late summer- early Autumn is the driest time of year. Christmas flights are super expensive and it's NZ school holidays so everywhere will be busy.

Go! You’ll only regret the trips you never took.

Agree completely with this ^

there is an intangible element to anything experiential that is hard to describe or quantify, but that doesn’t make it insignificant.

what does your husband like doing that falls in the same category? Live sport? Theatre? Those things are worthwhile partly because they are unique shared moments and experiences. Watching a replay just isn’t the same

It would depend on whether you want to see your brother or really want to see New Zealand? I'd certainly downgrade the accommodation. What a waste of money, kids don't care about that. The "making memories" guff can be done anywhere, it doesn't have to be New Zealand. I can't imagine New Zealand is really that different from Norway for scenery? I'm sure someone will tell me I'm being ridiculous.

So go if you're excited about New Zealand and/or seeing your brother on his own patch. But I downgrade the accommodation to make you feel you're not wasting so much money.

And what is your job to get that size of bonu? ☺️

For the love of God just go. Life’s been way too miserable to cancel something as joyous as a wonderful holiday in a beautiful place. Carpe diem.

I would go esp if your kids always end up going to Cornwall.

Maybe you don't spend so much time with your brother whilst your there knowing his coming over to the UK. Depends on what you had planned.