Should we cancel this expensive holiday??

[RNBrie]

7 years ago, my brother and his wife moved to New Zealand. They've since had two children I've never met.

They had holidays booked back in the UK a couple of times but everything got cancelled because of covid.

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family.

6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ. It's all booked and paid for, we go at Easter. It's costing a fortune, about the cost of a wedding for flights, accommodation, all in.

I've just found out that a month after we get back, my brother is coming here with his family. My parents are paying for it because they miss them too but don't want to travel there.

My DH and I are discussing cancelling our holiday because the main reason we booked was that I was just desperate to see my DB after all this time. The money is gone, but we checked yesterday and everything is cancellable, there will be a small charge for cancelling the flights.

Our NZ trip is fancy. We stay near my brother for a bit then we have a week at a luxury resort near some other friends we've not see for years, then back to near my db and then home. This is not the sort of holiday we have ever taken and the cost of it is making me uncomfortable, we could save a bit by changing resorts but more than half the cost is the flights.

So what would you do? Go on our fancy holiday, or get our money back? We'd probably spend half of it on a much cheaper but still fancy holiday closer to home...

Thank you everyone for your opinions. It's really helped to clarify how I feel about things... we've planned a lot of stuff around this trip including with work and delaying getting a much wanted puppy until we're back so on the balance of things I think we'll go. There won't be a better time and my DH will come to terms with my slightly irritating parents. I really like the thought of them arriving here and the cousins already knowing each other.

Also adding this to my earlier post.

One thing that puzzles me...

why did your parents offer to pay for flights for your brother when they knew you had booked to go there?

Did they not appreciate it would give you a problem?

Isnt this the sort of 'holiday' that needs a family conference with all sides talking to each other?

IF you cancel, is the onus on your brother to visit again in a few years' time?
Could he afford that?

How old are your parents? Are they ever likely to travel to see him? Or will he always need to come to the UK (until they die- being blunt)?

Depending on their age (70s - older? Younger?) is there a chance you could combine the trip with them at some point?

There are so many things to think about here.
It's not JUST a holiday is it?

It's more about how your family, your parents and your brother see the next few years panning out - and how you will manage to see each other.

*I really like the thought of them arriving here and the cousins already knowing each other.

That's what I meant about it being good to see them twice within a short period.

And I'm glad you're coming around to still going

I think too many posters here aren't really thinking deeply enough about the implications of this choice.

It's not just about the OP's holiday.

It's about how she, her parents and her brother will maintain contact in the future, bearing in mind her parents' unwillingness to travel.

I would go - it’s a trip of a lifetime.
Your family will never forget it and you might never have the opportunity again.

why did your parents offer to pay for flights for your brother when they knew you had booked to go there?

They must miss them dreadfully. I imagine it got to a point where the parents got a pang of missing them which became unbearable. Maybe even stimulated by OP's trip. And at their age they'll be aware that life is short.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all, to be honest. If one of my DDs was on the other side of the world and the other DD went out to see her, I'd imagine that seeing the photos etc would make me miss her even more.

@LisaLovedUp I think you’re thinking too much about it!! Who knows others’ motivations. Best to go ahead, have a fabulous holiday and forge great relationships between siblings and cousins. Rise above any annoying parental stuff. No need for family conferences. Carpe diem.

Cancel and rebook a holiday you want, not just to go and see someone.

I would go now. Your DC are at the perfect ages to get a lot out of it, old enough to go with the flow and enjoy the new experiences and not yet involved in teenage moodiness.

We went on a fabulous holiday to New York with DC at similar ages. In their twenties now, they still talk about it fondly as the best time ever.

As long as it doesn't cause financial difficulty, sometimes you have to forget being sensible and just do it. This sounds like it will be something you all remember for the rest of your lives.

Have a lovely time, I hope you are able to see some of the country as well as your brother's house and area. Also that it be the start of your DC getting to know their cousins.

When your brother and family visit, perhaps you may have the puppy for them to fuss over as well.

I was on Team Cancel until I you pointed out it would be 20% more expensive if you were booking now. It's only going to go up, it sounds like way above any savings rate in the next few years.

I think you are over-thinking it though. The OP was also planning on seeing friends and having a nice holiday there. Personally, I wouldn’t worry so much about what my brother was doing and just go and have a nice time. Flight prices are crazy right now, so they may not get something cheaper anyway.

I’d cancel it and spend the money on something else…possibly another destination holiday, possibly something entirely different.

I would cancel unless you’re desperate to go specifically to NZ as well as seeing your brother.

Glad you have decided to go OP. Enjoy it and have a wonderful time. A holiday like that takes a lot of organising and if you decide to delay it by a few years you may find the right opportunity will not present itself.

Plus it will be lovely to see your brother and his family in their home environment - less stressful for everyone, I would think.

Go! You’ve planned it, can afford it, are excited about it, it’s not just about seeing family, you’ll regret it if you don’t go.

Personally I don't think NZ is worth £20k or somewhere I would call a holiday or a lifetime so I would cancel if I was seeing my brother anyway. If you don't normally travel further than the Netherlands then 24 hours each way flying plus jet lag will be really gruelling. Also you could take your kids on several amazing holidays to different places for that price.

If you are actually looking forward to the holiday and it's somewhere you really do want to visit then you shouldn't cancel it.

Go!

You are investing in the DC's relationships with their cousins. That's priceless. Them visiting afterwards doesn't tick the same box, necessarily. Being in NZ together will be an amazing adventure and, if they get on, a bonding experience. The UK trip will hopefully cement those relationships but it won't be the same.

DC are good at keeping relationships going online these days. If they become friends, then they can continue that relationship online which will hopefully enrich their childhoods and solidify the relationships over the next few years. Don't wait! One of my DD's best friends is the DD of a family friend she met one Christmas visit. They talk to each other most days now, even though they live miles apart. If they'd not met till they were older, would they have formed such an easy friendship? We'll never know

And the next time, it might not be all of you going over next time. Perhaps one of your DC could fly out there alone for a holiday as a teenager, if they already know them.

Of course they may not get on at all! But if they don't spend proper time together, it'll never happen.

Plus the holiday will be an amazing memory and shared experience for you all to look back on for years to come. I'd grab this chance with both hands if it was me!

Sorry, missed your post saying you’d decided to go, good decision!

think you are over-thinking it though. The OP was also planning on seeing friends and having a nice holiday there

But she said it was a trip to see her brother, and seeing the other friends there was really a 'bonus'. @BlackberryCat

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family. 6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ.

Cancel, invest the money and go in several years time.

New Zealand is stunning but it will wait and your boys may actually enjoy it more when they are a little older.

Ah, decision is made, I see.

Go go go! New Zealand is awesome. Best place on Earth

@Greyphoto

why? Op could drop down dead tomorrow as could we all

why wait?