Should we cancel this expensive holiday??

[RNBrie]

7 years ago, my brother and his wife moved to New Zealand. They've since had two children I've never met.

They had holidays booked back in the UK a couple of times but everything got cancelled because of covid.

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family.

6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ. It's all booked and paid for, we go at Easter. It's costing a fortune, about the cost of a wedding for flights, accommodation, all in.

I've just found out that a month after we get back, my brother is coming here with his family. My parents are paying for it because they miss them too but don't want to travel there.

My DH and I are discussing cancelling our holiday because the main reason we booked was that I was just desperate to see my DB after all this time. The money is gone, but we checked yesterday and everything is cancellable, there will be a small charge for cancelling the flights.

Our NZ trip is fancy. We stay near my brother for a bit then we have a week at a luxury resort near some other friends we've not see for years, then back to near my db and then home. This is not the sort of holiday we have ever taken and the cost of it is making me uncomfortable, we could save a bit by changing resorts but more than half the cost is the flights.

So what would you do? Go on our fancy holiday, or get our money back? We'd probably spend half of it on a much cheaper but still fancy holiday closer to home...

Well, both options will leave you with a touch of regret for the alternative. So... For that reason alone I would cancel and save the money for a repeat booking in a couple of years that will have no regret and is simpler and therefore perhaps more enjoyable. But saying that - I don't think there is a wrong choice here.

I'm 'Team Go'!!!

As PP said you never know what's around the corner.

And as you've said 'I've never been so excited about anything' - read that again, these are your words!! Stop questioning and double guessing yourself, relax and enjoy the build up to this amazing trip!!!

Take another line of thought...

exclude your brother from this as you're going to see him anyway now in the UK.

Is this a holiday you'd like now at this time of your life?

Or might it be better when your youngest DC is older and that will create more lasting memories for them?

Is a compromise possible where you do the trip but cancel the exotic and luxury hotels- and go for something cheaper?

And finally, is your brother likely to come to the UK again in a few years or will the onus be on you to go there?

In which case it makes sense to delay the trip for a few years.

I'd go, but probably see less of my DB and more of the country.
If COVID has taught us anything, it should be to take nothing for granted.

I’d go. You may never get the chance to go again and it’s more than just visiting your brother. You’re also having an amazing family trip that’s once in a lifetime whilst your DC are a perfect age of no major exams/want to still be with you etc.

What sort of cancellation penalties are there? That would determine my choice

What a fabulous holiday.

No way would I cancel that.

My db and sil did their honeymoon there and it was amazing. Your dh could think of it as a mega adventure for your kids.

And I am jealous!

I’d go to NZ! Life’s to short, who knows what’s round the corner!!

Go on holiday

I’d cancel and spend the money on several holidays closer to home

I’d go. I wouldn’t even have thought to cancel

Go- New Zealand is an incredible country
I did a month there with our kids and we didn't even have a connection. Cost similar
We have never regretted it - memories were stunning

Also, and only you know the history here, I wouldn’t be annoyed at your parents. We have similar with my family coming in the summer and it hadn’t occurred to me to be annoyed. Just happy we’re going to get to see them twice (the trips are 6 months apart) , they’ll be busy meeting loads of friends and family when they’re over so we won’t see that much of them. Also we’re all super excited about a trip to visit them which will be completely different than seeing them over in the UK.

Maybe post Covid your parents are realising life is short so they need to do these things. Maybe your trip spurred them on. But obviously if there is history there it’s more complicated. I still say go!

If you can afford it then I'd still go. Your family will get to experience new Zealand and how your brother and family live. That will then hopefully mean a better bond and more shared experiences when they come to visit soon after.

There are no guarantees in life, your circumstances could change, your brother could have to cancel his trip.

I would either move it to another year so you’ll get benefit of seeing each other twice but more spread out, or cancel and go somewhere equally plush that’s on yiur bucket list given you state the main reason for the trip was to visit your brother. Another alternative is to reduce the time with your brother on the visit and see more things or make more stop offs ??

For me, it would entirely depend on whether I'd want to go there if my brother wasn't living there.

It wouldn't be on my list of dream destinations so that would factor in my decision.

It sounds like you've got a really lovely holiday planned and are excited about it so maybe there's your answer.

But if you can do the same sort of trip elsewhere for much cheaper, I get why you'd be thinking about cancelling.

For your brother, it might be nice for him for a member of his family to make the effort to see his new life and spend time where he lives now rather than always needing to be the one that comes here to see his family.

I'd cancel and put the money in a long term savings/investment or premium bonds account for 5 years. We're in for a financial rough ride for the next 5 yrs atleast. So save that money for a rainy day.

A family friend has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer & his wife is worrying about finances. She's been a sahm for 10 years so they've been relying on his wage to survive. You don't know what life is going to throw at you so save it.

I’d cancel, ringfence the money and do it in another 3/4 years time.

Go. Because you never know.

So you and your family have got madly exited about this trip, and now you're planning on telling your kids that they're not going after all? Why would you do that to them? It boggles my mind. We had similar trips to Australia when my kids were young. No way would I have pulled the rug from under their feet.

I actually think that seeing your brother twinge in a short period is a good idea. It actually cements the relationship, rather than spaced out trips which are more unreal. The second time is more relaxed and less 'special event-like'.

You can afford it, you've all been excited about it. Don't cancel in a fit of pique at your parents' actions. It's not fair on your kids or yourselves. There's all the difference in the work between your brother visiting you, and you having a spectacular holiday in a wonderful country on the other side of the world, that also involves seeing him.

Go. You have no idea what's in your future, so don't put it off. Your kids are the right age now.

This
Please go if you can afford it and enjoy the holiday. If you are seeing them again in a short time after that will also be good, but seeing them in their own country / surroundings and discovering the country is worth it.

Go! It’s probably a once in a life time thing

Twinge? Twice!!!

Don't cancel!

It was an unexpected bonus and no-one know what's around the corner for any of you.

NZ for your kids at their age will be amazing. The experience will stay with you all forever.

Spending time with your DBs family in their home will be lovely. You'll spend quality time with them whereas when they are here everyone will want a piece of them. Your friends may or may not come back for a visit so I wouldn't put that in the equation.

Having several unexpected bereavements recently has made me realise that experiences are everything and sometimes a better opportunity around the corner never comes.

It sounds like you are stable financially and everything is in a perfect place right this very moment. Things change so quickly so go, go, go!!!