DD doesn’t want to do her promise at Brownies

[BrowniePromiseNo]

She’s 8. She loves Brownies but doesn’t want to do the promise.

Brown Owl is fine with it and has said if she feels ready just to let her know and she’ll arrange it.

She enjoys the meetings and gets a lot out of it, it’s bought her out of herself a lot and she definitely has friends there that are not at her school as she will wave at other girls when we see them in the supermarket, she’s watched other girls do their promise and knows those girls got to choose how their promise was done – so those who liked a big fuss did it in front of their friends and parents and sang lots of songs, others did it in the corner with BO another leader and her sixer, others have recorded it and just had their promise badge handed to them at the next meeting – but DD is adamant she doesn’t want to ever do hers.

Will not doing her promise hold her back? She doesn’t seem to be bothered about the badges so much, but she definitely enjoys it as she always comes out happy. She doesn’t really tell me what goes on there but she doesn’t say negative things and doesn’t resist going and Brown Owl says she’s happy enough there. But just wondered if it will hold her back?

This piqued my interest because she hasn't said why. My daughter decided something similar about dance shows. She loves her dance classes and will happily go and watch her friends in the show. She also did a couple of shows early on. She isn't shy or quiet, can be a bit of a show off in fact but she is adamant "I don't want to do any more shows" . I've gently asked why, just to understand the context (I have no intention of changing her mind) but she won't say any more. Its fine but just a bit puzzling.

It is a pile of old bollocks, to be fair.

Not wishing to derail, but I'm a helper in scouting and although there are lots of versions for different faiths or no faith I'm not aware of any version of the promise that does not mention the King. I'd love to know if there is one.

When I was in brownies (more years ago than I care to remember) I apparently struggled with the promise because I was a very law abiding child and felt overwhelmed by what I was promising and whether I thought I could keep that promise.

My dad had a bee in his bonnet about that when I was a Brownie.

It's only words....look at the number of promises that adults break....usually much more important ones.

@DontMakeMeShushYou , it was England - I did say it was back in the Dark Ages. Maybe I’ve got part of it wrong, but I don’t think so.

Ah right. I think what you've got there is the Canadian promise (just looked it up) which was why I was asking. UK promise never had anything about 'people at home'. I was a Brownie in the 70s so pretty Dark Ages too.

@DontMakeMeShushYou, you call the 70s the Dark Ages? Mine were two decades darker!

I love her attitude OP, she sounds like she marches to the beat of her own drum. Long may it continue!

Awwww. 😊 You took it so seriously! 😊

Thank you. I searched and found it was Canada, not UK or all countries.

www.girlguides.ca/WEB/GGC/branch_name_change.aspx

Oh god I hope I didn't get this wrong now! 🤦‍♀️

"Fordian I have to disagree with your comparison which seems a little strong. Surely one can attend church without believing in God?"

But you can't take Communion unless you're confirmed. You're a bystander.

The OP's DD is being allowed to treat her Brownie group like a casual youth group. But imo you either commit; or, if you choose not to, you shouldn't earn badges, get promotion (seconded/sixer) etc. You certainly wouldn't have been allowed to stay while refusing to promise, not so long ago.

I 'get' the independent young woman' thing; but this is allowing an element of mick-taking. That can lead to some young people never committing to anything.

We weren't allowed to wear the uniform until we'd taken our promise!! A long time ago.😂 Which I think is correct.

It's not the church, nor communion. The organization has changed and continues to do so. Apples to oranges, I think. I have to a

The decision to make the promise non-compulsory was taken by the organisation in response to feedback from the membership. Your opinion is irrelevant if you aren't a member which I'm guessing you're not.

Perhaps you could explain your thoughts as to why you consider reciting a few words that you don't mean and are never going to be held to account for shows commitment, but putting in effort in your own time, outside of Brownie meetings, to earn interest badges displays a commitment-phobic, flighty attitude.

@MimiSunshine - ok the poster went a little too far, but I get it. It's pandering and creates entitlement. Don't be a Brownie if you don't want to make the promise - it's the whole point of it!

I do agree that there should be an option to leave the King bit out, if that doesn't suit, but no reason for not making the rest of the promise, even if it means writing it down or finding another way to communicate it.

The OP's DD is being allowed to treat her Brownie group like a casual youth group. But imo you either commit; or, if you choose not to, you shouldn't earn badges, get promotion (seconded/sixer) etc. You certainly wouldn't have been allowed to stay while refusing to promise, not so long ago
Thankfully your opinion is irrelevant. They can be a great brownie without doing the promise. I would rather give the sixer position to a Brownie who is helpful, hard working and a good role model but hasn't done their promise, over one who never shows up and messes around but has done the promise.

I think it's good that GG have moved away from the promise as the be all and end all. It's not a church or cult, and the kids are 7 years old! I think it's wrong to make them promise to do something they don't want to do, in order to get rewards.

Don't be a Brownie if you don't want to make the promise - it's the whole point of it
It's not the whole point of it, it's one very small part of it.

I find it a bit ironic that some posters are saying she must do the promise when that promise includes the line

To be true to myself and develop my beliefs

By being made to make the promise because it's what everyone wants her to do "just because...." then how does that fit in with the "Be true to myself" part?

Pressed too soon

She doesn't want to do the promise so making her do it means that she breaks it straight away.

What rubbish! It isn't the whole point of it.

And what's with the idea of leaving bits out? Can you not see how contradictory you're being?

Truly amazed at the number of people who think it is acceptable to force little girls to do or say things that make them uncomfortable just to please adults, and threaten them with having to give up a club they love if they dare to express their discomfort.

In that case then it is strange to wonder why she wants to go to the Brownies at all.

It certainly would be very strange indeed for someone to wonder why an independently minded girl would want to join a club that encourages girls to be independently minded.

Although I suspect that wasn't what you meant and your post just badly worded! 😂😂

Absolutely fine.
But then don't expect to be involved in an organisation that includes such a promise.

If you don't like what an organisation stands for, you don't have to be in it.

Same with OP's daughter. There are lots of other clubs and things she could do which don't involve making the promise, doing good deeds etc.