DD doesn’t want to do her promise at Brownies

[BrowniePromiseNo]

She’s 8. She loves Brownies but doesn’t want to do the promise.

Brown Owl is fine with it and has said if she feels ready just to let her know and she’ll arrange it.

She enjoys the meetings and gets a lot out of it, it’s bought her out of herself a lot and she definitely has friends there that are not at her school as she will wave at other girls when we see them in the supermarket, she’s watched other girls do their promise and knows those girls got to choose how their promise was done – so those who liked a big fuss did it in front of their friends and parents and sang lots of songs, others did it in the corner with BO another leader and her sixer, others have recorded it and just had their promise badge handed to them at the next meeting – but DD is adamant she doesn’t want to ever do hers.

Will not doing her promise hold her back? She doesn’t seem to be bothered about the badges so much, but she definitely enjoys it as she always comes out happy. She doesn’t really tell me what goes on there but she doesn’t say negative things and doesn’t resist going and Brown Owl says she’s happy enough there. But just wondered if it will hold her back?

Yes that is just the Christian one. There is Atheist, Humanist, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu and other versions. It was just a comparison to the Brownie promise, which is overall pretty similar.

My DD is similar, she was very active in rainbows (got her gold award) and did her rainbows promise in zoom in lockdown. She has been going to brownies since school started in September - so she's into maybe her 10th week now and says she's not ready to take her promise yet. Her brown owl says it's no rush, she can still participate fully and do badge work. I'm not concerned, she will do it when she is ready,

I was a brownie and guide myself and would rather DD continues in the positive environment of girl guiding than being forced to do her promise before she is ready

DD had a friend who was scared to do it in front of everyone on her own. She asked dd (who'd already done it) if she'd do it with her, and Brown Owl was happy for them to stand together and say it.
Would that help her?

I'd say she's actually keeping part of the promise in being true to herself by not making a promise when she's not yet ready. I'm a former Brown Owl and had a couple of girls over the years who didn't want to make their promise at the same time as the others they started with; we made sure they knew if they wanted to do so later that was fine, and I think all eventually did.

Like others have said, don't push her into it, although if at some point she can articulate why she doesn't want to that might be helpful in understanding whether to mention it again in a year or so.

Thank you @notnowmonster We're in our second year of Brownies although some of the first year was online due to restrictions. She never did Rainbows as there wasn't space.

But I won't push it, she enjoys it, we can afford for her to keep going. If she mentions wanting to do it or wants to go for Gold then we can revisit.

As she is quiet and shy I expect it is just the being expected to speak on command that is a pressure for her even if recorded. She is 7 so wouldn't worry too much. Would perhaps look for other opportunities for her to work on it going forward.

Although my dd was quiet and shy and over time (now 14) the confidence is slowly but surely growing. I know public speaking will always be out of her comfort zone but she can manage what she needs to do.

@Ellie1015 It's her 2nd year of Brownies, she's 8, going on 9, school Year 4. But I will be leaving it as I don't want to force her, especially as loves Brownies and does seem to get a lot out of it.

Surely overruling something completely inconsequential just teaches her that her boundaries are not important?

I would leave it for a bit, ask again in a few months.

A 7yo Beaver and a 7yo Brownie have different expectations made of them though through the different age ranges. Why are they different?

@Narwhalsh because Scouting and Guiding are two separate organisations which have no obligation to align their age groups with each other... which would cause one organisation to have a massive reorganisation.

Rainbows- 4-7
Brownies 7-10
Guides 10-14

Versus
Squirrels 4-6
Beavers 6-8
Cubs 8-10.5
Scouts 10.5- 14

Theres an extra age group in Scouts. They can do different things because the age groups are different

Because they are two separate organisations. Why should they be the same?
But you are being silly seven is the oldest age for Beavers 6-8 and youngest for Brownies 7-10 .

I agree with @LazyJayne .

I found the promise ceremony weird and outdated. The children don't really understand what they are pledging when they're just 8.

With hindsight the whole ceremony is bloody weird so I think good for her.

Perhaps the stuff with her dad is upsetting her. Perhaps she doesn't want to be the centre of attention. If she's wearing the uniform, can do the badges and the leaders don't mind, is it a big deal?

Because they're not the same organisation and they have chosen to have different age ranges for the various sections of their organisation. You're just looking for a reason to be offended.

Do they still not get the badge until they have done the promise? The promise ceremony was always when you got your badge.

You would probably get a promise badge at the promise ceremony. She could still get all the other badges though, without doing the promise. Apart from the brownie Gold award, as one clause of that is to do the promise. Most girls don't do the Gold award though, it requires some work to be done at home and good attendance at Brownies for at least 2 years or probably longer.

This was me aged 7 or 8 - I was so scared to do the speech that I never went back! I have a memory of it being very long (not sure if it actually was?!) and quite a high pressure situation in front of a lot of people (this was the 80s)

I had no issue with keeping the promises, I was just terrified of public speaking.

Unfortunately back then it was a case of, get on with it or get out

My daughter is the same! No concerns about the wording or speaking in front of people, she's just a very well-behaved girl and would be heartbroken at the thought of breaking a promise. Brown owl has said that's fine so well allow her to make that choice.

Roughly when do they do the promise? DD has just had her 2nd session and couldn't get any time with any of the Owls because they were surrounded by excited kiddos so just wondering if it's something they usually do early on or after a few months?

We normally do it in the last meeting of their first term so that they've had time to settle in and to coincide with christmas party, or summer party etc for a bit of a celebration.

This is the one reason I never took it as a kid. So I missed out on brownies but remain free 😅

I would be uncomfortable with her not doing it because the reason hasn't been given/understood or even hinted at. I would try to find out exactly why she doesn't want to do it - she needs to communicate, particularly with you.

If she said she didn't like the royals or whatever then that would be a legitimate reason not to do it. Or if she said she didn't want anyone hearing her do the speech, fine. But she isn't telling you why.

What boundaries? It's not as if it's compulsory.