Children always wanting to talk! Is it just me?

[Catabogus]

There are many things I find challenging about parenting - but one of the things I really find hardest that I hadn’t expected to, is dealing with my children both wanting to talk to me at the same time. I feel like I never get a proper conversation with either of them. And perish the thought I might try to exchange more than 3 words with DH!

An example: Sitting around table at dinner time. 10yo DS is trying to tell me something long and complicated about a game at school. 4yo DD interrupts to say something about a toy. I ask DD to wait. The second DS pauses for breath, DD interjects about toy again. DS shouts that he hadn’t finished. DD is desperate to talk about her toy. DS goes back to interminable school game story. DD keeps trying “but it….look Mummy….it….”. The second DS stops again, she launches her story, which goes on and on. DH is also waiting to tell me an anecdote about his day but every time he gets as far as “You know, a funny thing happened…” either DS or DD starts talking again. I ask DS not to interrupt DH (“I thought he’d finished!”) but by this point DD is shouting (“you never listen to me!”) and I just want to run away and hide in a darkened room.

Is it just me? By the time it gets like that, I honestly don’t want to listen to any of them! I can’t remember the last time I managed a proper conversation with DH about anything even slightly grown up - at least not while DC are present, as they will want to talk instead and seem to have very little patience for being asked to wait. As soon as one finishes, the other starts. Are other people’s children like this too, or are we going really wrong somewhere?

I’ve even considered maybe I’m not neurotypical as I feel so overwhelmed and stressed with all the noise and talking - it’s as if my head is going to explode. Even worse is that DHs likes the radio on in the background! It just makes me feel assailed by all the words pouring out of everyone all at the same time. Any tips on how to handle this better?

I agree, it's soul destroying

Oh well at least I’m not alone!

Egg timer for 3 minutes each?

3 and a 4yo here, dh and I must say at least 3 times per meal, don't interrupt when mommy and daddy are talking. Hoping it'll sinknin eventually!

Mine are like this too. Every single word of it.

I really struggle with it as well.

Hopefully somebody else will have some advice / words of wisdom!

Yeah nothing useful to add other than solidarity. It's particularly hard when I finish for the day (WFH) go downstairs and it's just this wall of noise. Even if they don't have anything to say they'll sing or come out with something random.

Well, thank god it’s not just us! I don’t know why that’s so heartening, but it is.

I’ve tried the “three minute talking stick” (equivalent of egg-timer, I think) but it also made me feel stressed. No one could have a proper conversation. It was more like a series of long non-sequiturs! And I felt like I was chairing a meeting or something, choosing who could talk next. Not really the atmosphere I was hoping for at home!

It sounds as though your son doesn't realise how long he's talking for. I know he says he hasn't finished but is he ever going to finish?! I have known a lot of men like this and I think the time to stop it is now actually. As a previous post said, maybe an egg timer would work?

Ha, definitely not just you op! At it's peak here I introduce 'the talking spoon'! Which at least makes them take turns.

Oh my goodness, it's like you were a fly on the wall at dinner time in our house tonight.

It's hard. And draining.

Solidarity.

And my 4 year old can sit quite happily playing on his own quietly in the same room as DH and me while we're watching tv or something. As soon as we try to have a conversation he'll interrupt. Drives me nuts.

One thing that can work for littler one (and maybe big one too) is a physical acknowledgement when they're waiting. So a cuddle or even a handhold while they wait for their sibling to finish. And then loads of praise for waiting - thank you for waiting, you're being so kind, and a little squeeze. But at 4, they won't be able to wait for long yet.

No advice, just solidarity. Mine are 4.5 and nearly 3 and I feel exactly the same. I look forward to finishing work and seeing them all and within minutes I'm overwhelmed by the amount of simultaneous voices. Hope somebody comes along with some advice!

Mine are like this too. And it's the sheer length of the stories ... my eldest wants to tell me every detail of an interminable dream every single day. I feel like if I was a better mother, I'd be more interested, but I find it so long and I'm on tenterhooks because I know the other child is trying to speak, and I can only keep her quiet for so long. I can't concentrate due to the pressure ... and the dullness !

Thank you so much for all the solidarity! I feel better just knowing I’m not a dreadful weird unnatural mother.

I totally agree with the poster about working from home and then just coming down to the noise, with no transition time, it's really jarring. And relentless.

No advice, other than being very firm with who's turn it is to speak, not interrupting each other, and maybe help ds to try and tell his stories a bit more concisely, perhaps it's time to introunce the concept of summarising? Or maybe silent dinners? Not even joking.

Am the same and only got dh and 1 dc at the moment!

I do try to cut DS’s long stories short. But then I think he feels shortchanged, as he complains I don’t listen to him and give his sister more attention.

Probably the talking stick/timer is the best idea since at least everyone sees that they get equal chance to speak. But it’s so not conducive to any kind of natural or enjoyable chat!

Sometimes when we get home from a family day out, DH and I will realise that we haven’t really spoken to each other all day! It’s just been endless children’s chatter.

And then of course as soon as they’re in bed, DH is back to his “Did I tell you, a funny thing happened…” and I want to go and sit in the shed or something as I just can’t take any more.

I have this too, I just try and think that in a few years I probably won't get more than a grunt from them! I'm a single parent so there is no let up for me, no other adult I can direct them to (or just hold my hand in solidarity).

Yeah totally normal. I told my kids less chatter in the car, they didn’t listen so now I have a total ban.

I find it so long and I'm on tenterhooks because I know the other child is trying to speak, and I can only keep her quiet for so long. I can't concentrate due to the pressure ... and the dullness

Oh yes, this is exactly it! I’m on tenterhooks too, knowing that the next child is waiting. And it’s always some story about the rules for some made-up playground game that I can’t follow in the least. Excruciating.

My 13 year old son talks to me non stop and whilst it drives me crazy I know better than to discourage it. A lot of teen boys go mute. Still time I guess.

I’d love to say it gets better with teens but it hasn’t yet. DD (14) spent 15 minutes explaining at length how to distill water from coke with a labelled diagram while DS was hopping from one leg to the other trying to tell me about someone who couldn’t stop hiccuping in maths.

I have a 9, a 7 and a 5 year old. I’ve been really firm about not interrupting, waiting to speak, but equally importantly, not taking too long and allowing other people to verbally acknowledge what you are saying. It’s harder with the younger two as they go on and on, and get annoyed with each other, but I’m seeing it start to pay off. I also really firm if I’m speaking to my partner, to the extent that I probably sound a bit mean about it, but I feel my children have time to speak and I’ve made this clear.