Children always wanting to talk! Is it just me?

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There are many things I find challenging about parenting - but one of the things I really find hardest that I hadn’t expected to, is dealing with my children both wanting to talk to me at the same time. I feel like I never get a proper conversation with either of them. And perish the thought I might try to exchange more than 3 words with DH!

An example: Sitting around table at dinner time. 10yo DS is trying to tell me something long and complicated about a game at school. 4yo DD interrupts to say something about a toy. I ask DD to wait. The second DS pauses for breath, DD interjects about toy again. DS shouts that he hadn’t finished. DD is desperate to talk about her toy. DS goes back to interminable school game story. DD keeps trying “but it….look Mummy….it….”. The second DS stops again, she launches her story, which goes on and on. DH is also waiting to tell me an anecdote about his day but every time he gets as far as “You know, a funny thing happened…” either DS or DD starts talking again. I ask DS not to interrupt DH (“I thought he’d finished!”) but by this point DD is shouting (“you never listen to me!”) and I just want to run away and hide in a darkened room.

Is it just me? By the time it gets like that, I honestly don’t want to listen to any of them! I can’t remember the last time I managed a proper conversation with DH about anything even slightly grown up - at least not while DC are present, as they will want to talk instead and seem to have very little patience for being asked to wait. As soon as one finishes, the other starts. Are other people’s children like this too, or are we going really wrong somewhere?

I’ve even considered maybe I’m not neurotypical as I feel so overwhelmed and stressed with all the noise and talking - it’s as if my head is going to explode. Even worse is that DHs likes the radio on in the background! It just makes me feel assailed by all the words pouring out of everyone all at the same time. Any tips on how to handle this better?

It’s starting to work I think.

As the mother of a child with developmental and speech delays... be careful what you wish for. I'd give anything for my child to simply complete a sentence for me.

Always was the same in my house when DCs were little.

Now DCs are late teens and have deep voices they talk so much louder than me and shout each other down.

I can’t talk to anyone as they are constantly turning everything in to a joke aswell as calling each other silly names. Its
exhausting. When I give up and stay silent they ask me why I’m in a mood!!

Exactly the same in our house!

our DD even says “can I speak to Daddy first when he gets home”

and shouts “I haven’t finished” if a conversation moves on.

we had a lovely time a couple of weeks ago together and realised it was because DD fell asleep in the car and we managed to have a chat for an hour and actually enjoyed each others’ company.

as soon as we speak to each other, she is there, like a jumping flea interjecting.

I just cut them short. I say darling this is a conversation not a monologue, let #2 speak now. It’s a life skill they need. Read the room people!

we had a lovely time a couple of weeks ago together and realised it was because DD fell asleep in the car and we managed to have a chat for an hour and actually enjoyed each others’ company

This sounds like bliss! DH and I used to have wonderful, deep, interesting conversations. Around 10 years ago.

Are you me?

Yes sometimes I get so fed up of just being talked at!

Ds1 has long stories about imaginary games, ds2 hops up and down desperate for attention and 'look at this'. Doesn't help that dp also tells long often boring stories and expects to be listened to. Worst combination is when deaf mil also visits and talks at me, with no idea she's interrupting, and all completely different subjects! (I can't call them conversations as they're mainly one way aimed at me)

It's the getting talked AT that I hate! You know when they don't actually want a conversation, just to monologue as pp has said!

Cross posted there with @Fourfurryfeet!

Yes, it is all so one way - being talked AT. I even get a sense DH is waiting for a turn to talk at me. And the radio, talking at everyone.

Oh good god you've just described my life. And the bit that annoys me the most, is that it always, ALWAYS deteriorates into YET ANOTHER stupid argument between the DCs, however hard I try to mediate and allow them both fair chance to speak.

This happens multiple times a day

I'm not sure about the solution but what I take from the first post with the example of the dinner table conversation is

OP lacks assertiveness. She's making the right noises but isn't following through with enforcing the boundary so the assertiveness is ineffective

OP DH is leaving her to do the parenting, not teaching the DC manners with her, leaving it all to her to correct them for interrupting. Not engaging with his DC, no reason why one child can't talk to mum and one to dad, in the scenario given. Also OP DH wants to tell her an anecdote too, he's part of the problem and not a knowledging that OP needs space too, just focusing on his own needs, a third person in the queue to speak.

The DC have no manners and poor conversation skills. Talking too much, hogging the conversation, interrupting, not listening to each other just waiting to/wanting to speak, not recognising parents need or allowing parents time to speak, getting stroppy when they can't get their own way.

Oh no, Shopaholic’s message is what I was fearing someone was going to say! And what I probably secretly fear myself.

Is it abnormal for 10 ad 4yos not to have brilliant conversation skills though? 10yo DS is very good on his own, actually - it’s something about the combination of being with his sister that sets him off (I think he thinks we give her more leeway/attention).

DH is great at parenting, mostly - he’s just a lot more laidback than I am, I think, and the noisy chaos of everyone trying to talk at once doesn’t seem to disturb him like it does me.

My dh is irritating because I can still listen to him while kids are talking but he can't listen to me!!

As well as the sibling competition for attention, it might also be the time of day. Everyone is trying to tell stories about what they’ve been doing, all at once.

In theory, one child talking to Mum and one to Dad sounds like a great solution. In reality though, everyone just talks louder in order to be heard, and it becomes really difficult. For me, I mean - as I say, DH seems fine with it. Perhaps we need a bigger table so we can sit further apart!

DD (14) spent 15 minutes explaining at length how to distill water from coke with a labelled diagram while DS was hopping from one leg to the other trying to tell me about someone who couldn’t stop hiccuping in maths

I can just perfectly imagine this, and also know that this is exactly where we will be in 4 years’ time.

Hahaha. Don't worry OP. It happens. Kids tell really boring stories, don't feel bad.
Just tell them to wait. ( about 400 times!)

Yes! I have one DC who wakes me every morning with "Mummy, I need to tell you about my dream" and so the long and meandering description begins.

It's lovely to hear all the stories from school but sometimes I do have to tell her we need quiet time; and we have to take turns telling "our news" over dinner.

One of my work colleagues has 4 children and two of them have sleep issues. I am in awe of her - she can't have experienced silence in years and she doesn't even get a full night's sleep. Yet she is always on top form and nothing seems to phase her.

Sometimes (in fact, rarely, but enough to be worth trying) asking everyone to put up their hand works for us. DD is good at it and DS has ADHD but it's one of his school targets so he is OK about trying at least. Only DH isn't that on the ball!

I know this makes me a terrible parent, but this is why I didn't do family dinner times very often with under 12s. It's boring and I didn't want to by then, just wanted my dinner and a glass of wine in peace. So I did, and listened to them at other times of the day.

Solidarity here too, OP.

DD8 used to be awful for interrupting. She's got a lot better but still does it occasionally, although she will now wait if we ask her to (either by actually asking or holding up a hand).

DS4 is really, really bad for it. Sometimes I dread trying to talk to DH when DS is around because it's like he can't stand us chatting and has to get involved. He does it to DD as well, which I think helped her understand how annoying/rude it is!

We did the thing where they put their hand on your arm, then you put your hand on top of theirs. That worked a bit with DD. DS is a completely different story! I'm really hoping he outgrows it soon.

Yes yes yes it's awful. I get really stressed and overwhelmed and DH who is definitely ND really can't cope. No advice but absolute solidarity

This is where you and DH join forces and insist on civilised behaviour at table; that we take turns to speak, don't interrupt or shout etc.

Completely normal, healthy DC behaviour and completely normal mother overwhelm.
I get it with endless descriptions of elaborate jumping techniques in Super Mario Odyssey. The worst is the repeated, "look at this jump look look look you're not loooooking waaaah!" just when I'm trying to take a heavy, scalding dish out of the oven.

Your children's chatter sound perfectly normal for their ages (though that's interesting point above about men who talk on and on like that!).

I do agree that it sounds as if your DH could do his share better, though. It does sound as if he's leaving it to you when he could be listening to one child, intervening when they argue and ensuring you get a break, and listened to too.